04 Jul 2016, 7:50 am
04 Jul 2016, 8:10 am
04 Jul 2016, 8:37 am
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,083
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
04 Jul 2016, 8:49 am
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,083
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
04 Jul 2016, 8:52 am
04 Jul 2016, 9:15 am
04 Jul 2016, 9:16 am
04 Jul 2016, 9:51 am
04 Jul 2016, 10:12 am
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,083
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
04 Jul 2016, 11:56 am
04 Jul 2016, 12:15 pm
04 Jul 2016, 12:51 pm
Have you ever looked into someone's face that you cared about, told them something you knew would hurt their feelings, and then watched their smile slowly collapse as the hurt/rejection sinks in? That does not feel good to do unless you are a sociopath who enjoys watching other people suffer. It is not easy to reject someone when you know it is going to make them feel bad. Many women won't say "I'm not attracted to you" outright because they know it's hurtful to be rejected and they don't want to have to do that. They are usually hoping that eventually the guy will end up liking someone else and so he won't be bothered by the fact that they don't want to date him because they will be emotionally invested in someone else by then, and so they won't ever have to say "I don't like you that way" out loud and no one needs to feel hurt.
Most of us have tried the direct route and have been screamed at or assaulted for being so "honest and considerate of the guy's feelings" and so learned to not reject outright like that anymore because it can be dangerous. Until you've had a girl (one bigger and stronger than you) yell in your face "Fine, I never wanted to date you anyway you fat ugly loser! I was just joking obviously, no one would ever want to date a piece of s**t like you!" and maybe threatened when you rejected her advance, you can't really relate to what it's like for most women. I've been yelled at in such a way for rejecting the advances of a cat-caller--it's scary when it happens, especially if you are alone and don't know if the guy is going to physically come after you as well as shout horrible nasty things at you. There is a certain kind of guy who is most dangerous when feeling rejected and insecure, and we can't always tell who those guys will be until they explode on us--so we are careful instead, and get insulted by guys like you for being "stupid".
Guess women just can't do anything right, because either way we get guys telling us how wrong and stupid and what selfish inconsiderate b*****s we are whatever we do.
I agree with you. Men can be terrifying and hurtful when you reject them. You don't always know which ones are going to flip their s**t either, even the ones you "know" are sometimes very good liars and hide their ugly side very well until you do something they don't like. I've had men threaten to rape me and hurl tons of verbal abuse just for saying I wasn't interested.
Hell, I've felt pressured to date guys I wasn't interested in before - like scared to say no. I dated one guy like that when I was younger, and when I broke up with him he and his friends stalked me for half a year, telling me I was still dating him and just following me around watching me. Long before I even turned 18 I saw how gross and aggressive dudes can be, and how manipulative too. Always fun when you meet a guy and tell him you aren't interested and he tries to turn it around on if you were really nice you'd give him a chance and care about what he wants. Somehow ignoring the fact that he doesn't care what you want.
04 Jul 2016, 7:32 pm
04 Jul 2016, 7:47 pm
I realise my friends occurrence isn't common and I do actually agree that as soon as you find out they like you you should let them know you aren't interested. But sometimes it's difficult to know if someone likes you until they say it. My friend is a guy magnet and is really friendly and bubbly so a lot of guys missunderstand her kindness for interest
The guy in my friends situation had been crushing on her for years and she had previously told him she wasn't interested and agreed to remain friends. When she got together with her boyfriend he started texting he telling her he would kill her or kidnap her. She felt bad for him so didn't report it initially. It was when she apologised and said she loved her boyfriend so nothing would happen between her he sent her a text saying 'I'm going to watch you die slowly as I rape you and strangle the life out of you'.
She was really shook up and came to me for help (we lived together at this point). I made her ring the police and they dealt with the guy in front of his mother and warned him one more threat and he would be charged and put on the offenders register. He was a nasty piece of work and for months after she would be worried about seeing him around town. It has been 3 years now and no sign of him, she is happily living with her boyfriend now so there's a happy ending 
.
So I actually agree the sooner the better but can understand why there may be hesitation. I know a second friend who happily leads guys on and I'm always telling her that it's not fair
14 Jul 2016, 4:31 am
14 Jul 2016, 6:23 am
