Still haven't found a girlfriend

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cricketman123
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25 Jan 2017, 3:04 pm

Well i know that now, lol. I was just being really really silly



K_Kelly
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25 Jan 2017, 8:33 pm

I had discovered that autistic people look "normal" a long time ago.



TheSpectrum
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25 Jan 2017, 8:38 pm

Things seem to be looking up for you, cricketman!
Finding your own purpose rather than seeking it from another person seems to have lifted your spirits. With this positivity and new outlooks things will most likely sort themselves out and you'll be dating a girl by the Summer :)


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cricketman123
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26 Jan 2017, 9:30 am

Well maybe. But again maybe not. I would like to find a gf sooner rather than later but I can't let it rule my life. You never know where I could meet her but it won't be in the house with me acting depressed



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26 Jan 2017, 1:44 pm

cricketman123 wrote:
Well maybe. But again maybe not. I would like to find a gf sooner rather than later but I can't let it rule my life. You never know where I could meet her but it won't be in the house with me acting depressed


That is a good way to look at it I think.


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cricketman123
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26 Jan 2017, 4:31 pm

Wow things are going really well, I can't believe it. I volunteer at a local castle and i have just been invited to the official launch of the armor they found there. The Mayor of the town is going to be there too.

It just shows that i am not the stupid person i thought i was, i should be proud with myself and try not to compare myself with my Stepbrother :D



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27 Jan 2017, 4:53 pm

cricketman123 wrote:
Wow things are going really well, I can't believe it. I volunteer at a local castle and i have just been invited to the official launch of the armor they found there. The Mayor of the town is going to be there too.

It just shows that i am not the stupid person i thought i was, i should be proud with myself and try not to compare myself with my Stepbrother :D

I'm proud of you, cricketman! Good stuff!

Now, look, you need to start moving the needle to meeting girls and setting up a date. I still don't see any indication that you're out there meeting and engaging girls in conversation. I can't say asking a girl out is a good idea unless I know you've been speaking with at least one girl regularly for a good 2 weeks. While rejection is to be expected, I'm looking for an angle that will most likely get you a date soon after meeting a girl and diminish chances of rejection. Remember: despite your BEST efforts and preparation, despite doing what you can to improve the odds, the odds are always against you in the beginning. We're not going to get you a first date on your first try. We're just trying to keep your chances from being as dismal as they COULD be.

Now...let's check our homework. I see quite a few women during the week, and I'm thinking about 3 in particular:

M: Brown hair with a few streaks of silver, brown eyes, loves to sing and cross stitch

HC: Light brown or dark blonde hair, blue-gray eyes, loves to draw

HA: White hair, bright blue eyes, loves to play piano, once played double-bass in the orchestra, husband was killed in a military plane crash

Your turn. :wink:



cricketman123
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28 Jan 2017, 2:22 pm

I don't know. While i have spoken to girls i haven't really thought much about them because they are not exactly datable

But i went to another football game this afternoon so while i haven't met any girls yet really i am putting myself in the right situations to gain my confidence around people



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29 Jan 2017, 9:47 am

cricketman123 wrote:
I don't know. While i have spoken to girls i haven't really thought much about them because they are not exactly datable

But i went to another football game this afternoon so while i haven't met any girls yet really i am putting myself in the right situations to gain my confidence around people

You're missing the point. You need to build certain habits. I mentioned 3 women. One is an elderly widow, one is a young girl about 8 years old, one is happily married with children. I interact with these women regularly. I pay attention to them. No, I'm not some kind of stalker perv trying to get a young girl to go home with me, nor am I interested in dating the other two. Not the point. The point is they are WOMEN I talk to regularly.

If I were in the dating scene and I really thought about it, I could probably write down the same kinds of facts about 100 or more women.

PAY ATTENTION. Observe. Keep a diary. Have conversations. Track them. Make it a habit. You may never ever see some of these women again, and that's OK. But we have to get you out there with WOMEN if you ever intend to start dating. Simply "getting out there" won't do. I'm glad you are getting out more and building your confidence. That's a GOOD thing, don't misunderstand me. But start focusing on where women are so we can start moving the needle on this thing.



cricketman123
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29 Jan 2017, 11:22 am

Ok. Well i was getting my haircut waiting and while i was waiting this older lady was telling me about her daughter who is working abroad and did a travel course, her name was Rosemary.

And when i was working in the castle another lady called Janette was telling me about her family history and how she loves to look up about that and how she is interested in history



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29 Jan 2017, 5:32 pm

cricketman123 wrote:
Ok. Well i was getting my haircut waiting and while i was waiting this older lady was telling me about her daughter who is working abroad and did a travel course, her name was Rosemary.

And when i was working in the castle another lady called Janette was telling me about her family history and how she loves to look up about that and how she is interested in history

BETTER.

Remember eye and hair color, too. It might seem like a bizarre obsession, but it's not. I'll explain why it's a thing some other time if you like.

I'll check back in a couple more weeks. Like I said before, I can't really tell you where to go because it's different everywhere, but find where people and women in particular tend to congregate. You're already on the right track, we just need more opportunities to engage with women. Practice what I told you with regard to conversations, observe and record. By as early as March or as late as April, there should be AT LEAST one girl you could meet for lunch, coffee, or SOMETHING.



cricketman123
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31 Jan 2017, 1:27 pm

Ok Lets give this another Go.

Girl called Alex who i know from the Travel & Tourism course so interested in Travel obviously. 19 years old with brown curly hair and is a student rep like me. Sat next to me in our student meeting today and we were talking about some of the things we might say for our classes. She was hungry and food was provided at the meeting so i got two boxes of Pizza/Chips one for me and one for her and a bottle of water each lol :D



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31 Jan 2017, 2:09 pm

NOW we're on the right track. You wouldn't call that a "date-date" in the conventional sense, but that's very date-like. Part of what will help you is getting a sense of what dating is like without actually dating.

It's like getting a job when every job requires prior experience. I teach. Schools REQUIRE prior experience before hiring. Catch-22. Part of the university program involves courses in observation and field experience, so problem solved.

Dating is the same way. Women tend to find inexperience a turnoff. You can't even get in at the ground floor, which makes dating and experience mutually exclusive. You break in by NOT dating, yet still building meaningful platonic and possibly intimate relationships. It's like she wakes up one day and she's like, "Wait... I have a bf? When did THAT happen?"

And that's why I don't want you to get your hopes up so soon. Most of the time you'll be "just friends," or what people call the dreaded "friendzone." It's the EXPERIENCE you get early on that catapults you to relationship readiness, and thus the true value of these early excursions.

You're doing great. Keep it up!



ShadowProphet
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31 Jan 2017, 3:50 pm

I still haven't found a friend



spiderman123
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31 Jan 2017, 7:28 pm

have you tired cold approaching girls



AngelRho
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31 Jan 2017, 8:53 pm

spiderman123 wrote:
have you tired cold approaching girls

While I have no specific objection to that, it's problematic when you have a hard time telling which girls are likely to creepzone you or gossip about you. It's one thing to endure ridicule and humiliation when you know what to expect and you can shake it off. Quite another when you have zilch experience with girls.

Positive experiences early on build self-confidence and make women appear more approachable. I still maintain that the first time you ask a girl out, you WILL get turned down, simply based on probability. The small victory is not in handling rejection gracefully, but rather in having the courage to ask. Because if you can do it once, you can do it again, and again, and again...until eventually the odds of getting a date exponentially increase to near certainty. Hopefully by then you've experienced enough creepzone types to build a thick skin, and after that you'll get enough practice to know how to "game the system."

When you get to that point, and really after you've survived one or two LTR's, you can try the cold approach and probably make it work.

But trying that early on is setting yourself up for some unnecessary disappointment--and some women out there can be downright brutal. When the first girl you ask to lunch says, "Ew, you fugly creep! What is your problem? Hey girls, guess what! This ugly hermaphrodite thinks I'd go out with it!! ! Hahahahahahahaha!! !!" it doesn't exactly encourage you to keep trying.

No, save the cold approach for when you've been around the block a few times.