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"You need to work on yourself!"

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fluffysaurus
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29 Nov 2018, 1:16 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
... The emphasis with you guys largely seems to be around what you want and what would make you happy ... I also notice that when posting on Love and Dating posts, regardless of the topic, your point of emphasis seems to be around yourself and your own difficult experiences with love. Again, when it's something like that that occupies so much mental energy ... I seldom see either of you offer practical advice to someone on this subforum. Generally your posts on other people's topics are about yourself...

Sly posts lots of helpful and sportive comments on other sections, particularly the Haven, and doesn't only talk

about himself on L&D. It's natural that most threads on L&D begin with the OP talking about themselves, whoever

starts them because we usually start by explaining a problem we have and EVERYONE knows more about their own

problems than other peoples.


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fluffysaurus
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29 Nov 2018, 1:34 pm

Fnord wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
... The emphasis with you guys largely seems to be around what you want and what would make you happy ... I also notice that when posting on Love and Dating posts, regardless of the topic, your point of emphasis seems to be around yourself and your own difficult experiences with love. Again, when it's something like that that occupies so much mental energy ... I seldom see either of you offer practical advice to someone on this subforum. Generally your posts on other people's topics are about yourself...
I've also noticed this, and not only with the "I can't get a girlfriend" crowd. It's the prevalent attitude with the "I can't get a job", and the "I'm homeless" crowds, as well. They all complain about their particular situations, and then reject every bit of advice that they have asked for, mainly because they would have to change and behave like their enemies. I see it on this and other websites, at work, at church, and down at the homeless shelter -- always an excuse, and always with the pretense of higher personal integrity.

The trouble is, their enemies are their enemies mainly because those enemies are successful in doing what the complainers wish they could do -- i.e., get a girlfriend, get a job, get a place to live, et cetera. It's only after the fact that the complainers label their enemies as enemies, and only so they can distance themselves from success in a righteous manner.

[example]

"The only reason he's successful is because he's a jerk, and girls/employers/landlords all like jerks because they are all jerks themselves, and I don't want to be a jerk."

[/example]

It's pride. False pride. They seem to want to project a false image of "I am a Martyr to Integrity" to hide the reality of their "I don't want to, and you can't make me" core reality.

There's no 'crowd', no 'they', just individual people. Marknis is Marknis, Sly is Sly and neither of them are part of

any crowd. They aren't responsible for things other people say in the 'I haven't got a job' threads or what homeless

people say.


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Marknis
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29 Nov 2018, 1:43 pm

I have also submitted supportive posts to Summer_Twilight, Sarahsmith, Zeromancer, Chronos, and a few others. It's also stupid how my detractors (especially that as*hole who I will dub Pile 'o s**t) have called me misogynistic when I have more female contacts than male ones here.



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29 Nov 2018, 1:48 pm

fluffysaurus wrote:
There's no 'crowd', no 'they', just individual people. Marknis is Marknis, Sly is Sly and neither of them are part of any crowd. They aren't responsible for things other people say in the 'I haven't got a job' threads or what homeless people say.
There are many more people in those "crowds" I mentioned. Most of them are not members of this website.

What I am citing is a common, underlying theme throughout all of the "I Can't" posts and threads -- that is, a stated or implied reluctance to change in any way that would cause some to behave like the people they hate, even when that behavior is at the core of the hated people's success.

And, while I am not calling out any specific person -- on or off this website -- the maxim "If the shoe fits, own it" may be appropriate to some.



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Nov 2018, 2:13 pm

I always work on myself, by putting the laptop on my lap.



Marknis
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29 Nov 2018, 2:44 pm

If Pile o' s**t and some of my other detractors learned Fnord has an Asian wife while he himself is white, they would probably turn their backs on him and call him a "fetishist".



fluffysaurus
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29 Nov 2018, 2:57 pm

Marknis wrote:
If Pile o' s**t and some of my other detractors learned Fnord has an Asian wife while he himself is white, they would probably turn their backs on him and call him a "fetishist".

Then they would be idiots.


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envirozentinel
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29 Nov 2018, 3:03 pm

Asian women can be very beautiful. So can Native American women.

My own mom and stepdad are racist but I guess they can't help it the way they grew up.

Likewise, you don't have to limit yourself to a particular demographic.


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29 Nov 2018, 3:31 pm

envirozentinel wrote:
Asian women can be very beautiful...
Indeed! They also seem to have a different way of relating to men than American or "Americanized" women (in my experience) -- not subservient, but they seem to make more effort to get along with men than any natural-born American woman I've known.

NOTE: I am NOT slamming American women, most of whom are mostly agreeable most of the time. It's just that I find Asians in general easier to get along with.

My wife often defers to my judgement -- except when she doesn't, of course -- and her way of disagreeing with me makes me feel that she values me as a person, even when she's telling me why she believes my opinions are inappropriate.

Her family treats me as one of their own, and their matriarch calls me her son.

Anyway, we've gone off-topic...



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29 Nov 2018, 3:42 pm

envirozentinel wrote:
Asian women can be very beautiful. So can Native American women.

My own mom and stepdad are racist but I guess they can't help it the way they grew up.

Likewise, you don't have to limit yourself to a particular demographic.


I get flack from both extreme conservative minded people and extreme liberal minded people for liking Asian, Indian, Middle Eastern or Arabic, Native American, and even European women. The former think I hate my own ethnicity (Bible Belters forget that white people exist outside the US) while the latter think I am seeking a fetish. Both assumptions are stupid and brain dead.

Two of my detractors have actually told me to go only for sex and hook ups until I am considered "fit" for dating while another (Pile o' s**t again) accused me of only wanting sex despite how he boasted about his sexcapades Trump style. :roll: The former two don't get that even women in the Bible Belt who are open to pre-marital sex don't like men who don't mindlessly call themselves Christian and the latter is a hypocritical moron.



Last edited by Marknis on 29 Nov 2018, 4:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

fluffysaurus
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29 Nov 2018, 4:25 pm

Fnord wrote:
envirozentinel wrote:
Asian women can be very beautiful...
Indeed! They also seem to have a different way of relating to men than American or "Americanized" women (in my experience) -- not subservient, but they seem to make more effort to get along with men than any natural-born American woman I've known.

NOTE: I am NOT slamming American women, most of whom are mostly agreeable most of the time. It's just that I find Asians in general easier to get along with.

My wife often defers to my judgement -- except when she doesn't, of course -- and her way of disagreeing with me makes me feel that she values me as a person, even when she's telling me why she believes my opinions are inappropriate.

Her family treats me as one of their own, and their matriarch calls me her son.

Anyway, we've gone off-topic...

By Asian are we talking far Eastern (Asian in the UK means Indian sub-continent)? If so I wonder if this is because

of the clearer divide between the sexes as to who is in charge of what that is more common in the far East

appealing to your autism. I find Chinese people (I don't know others) to be very practical and more honest

about being practical which appeals to my autism.


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29 Nov 2018, 4:35 pm

fluffysaurus wrote:
By Asian are we talking far Eastern (Asian in the UK means Indian sub-continent)? ...
Far Eastern -- Philippines, to be exact.



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29 Nov 2018, 4:43 pm

Some of my detractors claim I have learned helplessness and they use that to downplay my struggles. They think I need to "suck it up" and pretend nothing ever happened to me.



Gallia
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29 Nov 2018, 4:49 pm

it's true, helplessness is not a healthy mindset to have going in a relationship. I just learnt this the hard way.

thing is, I work on myself. I am under a lot of stress - and I'll have a meltdown and the person won't forgive me for it even after I apologise multiple times. There's not much you can do in this instance, they simply are unwilling to compromise and accept your imperfections and weaknesses and help you grow. They are not right for you and vice versa.

Of course, you can't rely on people to help you alone. In fact, it's better not to count on it at all. People will help when they can, being independent and self reliant is vital. I am learning that, too, the hard way.

so my advice for you, if I may (and i'm the last person to "may"), is to develop self reliance.


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29 Nov 2018, 4:57 pm

^Also they expect something back, this can be everyone, even family members or friends. If to some extent they

are carrying you, even if it's just guidance, it affects the balance of power in the relationship.


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29 Nov 2018, 5:00 pm

Gallia wrote:
... I am under a lot of stress - and I'll have a meltdown and the person won't forgive me for it even after I apologise multiple times. There's not much you can do in this instance ... you can't rely on people to help you alone. In fact, it's better not to count on it at all. People will help when they can, being independent and self reliant is vital. I am learning that, too, the hard way ... develop self reliance.
Those last three words are crucial.

Gallia, you've made it this far. Keep going, and never give up. You have my admiration.