Bigotry against involuntarily celibate men

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Even so you still have standards that people need to pass to be your relationship partner. For instance I doubt you would accept males, or people over a certain age, or people under a certain age to be your partner. You might say "I'm not attracted to males", to which I would tell you that some aren't attracted to overweight people, or to people with no ambition or ability to live independently. Their preference is no less valid than yours.

And I can almost guarantee that if you had lots of women chasing you that you would be pickier. If you were consistently approached by people you find very attractive, you'd have no need to ever date someone whose appearance you found 'meh', because you'd have so many more enticing options.

It's how it works. When you're flooded with options you can afford to be picky. When nobody shows interest in you at all over a long period of time, your standards tend to decline to their lowest point because you have no options, and it's hard to be picky when you have no options. Like they say, beggars can't be choosers.

Then why do I get dates from dating sites? I'm not a top tier man.

No I’d still not be picky. I’m just not very superficial. Love doesn’t come from money or looks. Peopl can be superficial don’t have to agree with or like them. I think I’m thgoing end lots of people don’t have real love, hench high divorce rates. When the going gets tough or the person doesn’t have the desired traits they leave. Guy loses his job, lady gets fat. That’s not real love. It was a business agreement, infatuation, real love transcends looks, income, social status thst woman who stays with her husband after he injured, loses his job, loses their house cars, etc that’s real love. Love dependent on some status or symbol isn’t real,love and when that thing goes away so does the fake love. That’s what most relationships use to have. Relationships today are so hollow and fragile. They’re a glass house built on a foundation of cards. They don’t hold up to a storm. Life isn’t perfect fairy tail. Stuff goes wrong. I guess in that way I’m lucky not that it makes me feel better. Say I’d joined military got married then got wounded and she left me. That happens quite a bit. And they cheat when the soldier is deployed both men and women. My cousins wife called him in sandbox to video chats while having sex with another soldier. Isn’t that grand? Doesn’t sound like she loved him much, does it?
My brothers wife “loved” him when he worked, he bought them a house, paid for everything, then he got ms, he couldn’t work anymore, went on social security, they couldn’t afford their house, she started doing more drugs, cheating on him, physically abusing him, selling his medication, being jealous of her own daughter. I’d say she didn’t have real love for anyone, she loved the idea of family and middle class lifestyle, and when that went away nothing was left. She loved the status and things not him. I’m sure she thought she loved him but when all that was left was him she didn’t.
Still her got 20 years of fake love and I’m envious of that.
It’d be cool to win the lottery and have a woman pretend to love me. I think hallow love is most, most of us can hopeful in this modern world where everyone’s disconnected and wants to be middle class while the poor class grows and middle class shrinks.

I really don’t need much. Most people get money and spend it they want stuff. I get money and spend time trying to think of something to buy. But I’ve got all I need or want, within what I can afford. If I won the lottery I’d buy a car, a house and live off 2,000 a month the rest I’d put in savings. I wouldn’t even buy a new tv or stuff. I could get a new tv now. But why? My 1080p tv is old and outdated but it works fine why replace it? Guess you could say I’m simple. I have the same pillow, same blankets for 10 years. Same coat, I wear one pair of boots for 3 years and replace it with an the same boots, anything excess I have is bought buy others for me. My room isn’t decorated much, I take things so not to be rude. I wouldn’t take vacations, buy boats or mansions. Just a simple small house. Live with my cat. Spend some money helping others. Keep working my job. Wouldn’t change much. I’d like to imagine buying s porche, I’ve always wanted one. But realistically it’s 250,000 and what does it do thst a 17,000 dollar Corolla won’t? It’s fast sure but speed limits 60. Honestly I don’t get it. But I was born poor not rich. I dont know if that’s it either. My siblings buy expensive things. I have more savings then any of them despite making far less. Lack of ambition? Is it ambition that makes people desire excessive things? Guess this is more a philosophical discussion. I honestly don’t get most people. Too bad I wasn’t born in the past when people like me were the majority. Some people tell me I’m rare and world would be better off with more like me, if they desire it why do they not do it themselves?

It standards have been the same since I was 12 and started liking women romanticly.
Wouldn’t matter if I got flooded with options I’d pick the first one who asked. If she didn’t work out I’d take another first one who asked. Really don’t need much.

I’m probably better off dead , I’m a rare uncommon person in this superficial ambitious world. People,like me don’t belong here anymore. All I can say is the world gets what it deserves, it’s the ultimate karma.

On an related note I do need to spend the money, since I can only have so much savings.

Last edited by sly279 on 13 Nov 2018, 4:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

You are as yiu have a well paid job. You’re successful. It’s not all about looks.

Love doesn't come from money, but having a significant other who can't afford to engage with you in your hobbies or trips can be draining. Looks are important primarily to satisfy the sexual aspect of a relationship. You have to at least find your partner attractive to some degree.

yeah but nobody starts off in 'real love'. If you're with someone for years and you suffer burns to your face and disfigurement, there's a good chance that if your significant other is loyal, they'll stick by your side. But if you're single and you suffer burns and disfigurement to your face, you'll have a harder time finding someone to date and getting to the 'real love' stage because many people will find significant facial disfigurement to be a deal-breaker as it relates to starting a relationship with someone.

I disagree. I think as long as you've got your own place, have a stable income, take good care of yourself, put yourself out there and are an all round decent person it's possible to find a girlfriend. There's more to it than that but those are the basics.


But if you can't afford to go on vacations or go out to nice places with your girlfriend (both of you paying together) then that's extremely limiting to her. If she wants to experience foreign lands or have a good day out or go to a fancy restaurant, she's either going to have to do it without you or pay your way there, or just not go because you can't. A lot of people like to share these experiences with a significant other and the fact that you would have a difficult time paying on your end would make it extremely difficult. You might not care about these experiences but once you get a significant other, it's no longer just about what you want.

Among the porn for men.

But not among the porn for women.

Seeing a sex worker will not break the cycle of loneliness, social isolation, social rejection. Sex with a sex worker only cures a physical need and there is no emotional connection, dead end The pick Up Artists of trying to pretend, trick and deceive does not work either. People can see through lies and fake and a relationship would not last. There is no treatment for Loneliness. It is a dead end. No friends and no relationships.

That's perfectly true.
Yet, you claimed you don't believe personality matters.

Personality matters a lot in making friends and forming relationships. I have an avoidant personality I have driven people away who tried to interact and make friends with me in the past. Pick up artists tricks of trying to be more out going and being someone I am not is detected as fake and people see it as creepy. Introvert males are seen as creepy, no matter what, stuck in the same position. It is so sad I will live my life alone, no friends and no relationships.

How old are you? I really struggled with an avoidant personality when I was younger.

The older I've got, the more confidence I've gained. I'm still shy, but I'm more likely to put myself in situation where I interact with people now. Though, it depends what mood I'm in.

Have you read "How to be Yourself" by Ellen Hendriksen. It's all about social anxiety and how to reduce the stress of interacting with people.

For me it's totally the opposite, I had a short-lived 'social phase' between age 26 and 30 where i got 'buddies' of both genders (more like outing groups than anything) then I regressed extremely at 33 and onward, now my whole 'social life' revolves around GF (and before her it was totally null for a while) and few old friends that I see once in ages. I've also became way less ....comfortable in talking with new women.

I am 36. I am quite a lot older than most people on here. I have had therapy for social anxiety and my issues a few years back but it made no difference. Just breathing techniques, mindfulness, reading chapters about cognitive behaviour therapy. It did not shift my thinking still stuck in same position. There is no therapy or treatment for loneliness and social isolation. I tried medication but that increased my weight and I took up doing lots of exercise running and cycling instead as treatment and controlled my diet to get my weight down.

Last edited by Aspie19828 on 13 Nov 2018, 10:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

What I'm seeing here is people being stuck by believing in an ideology which is, basically, a self-fulfilling prophecy. These people create for themselves Catch-22's and double/triple binds for themselves. They render themselves SURE that they will never find love.

If one adopts the "incel" philosophy, one doesn't have a chance in hell of finding love.

If you were a woman, would you go out with some guy with those beliefs? Would you go out with a guy who "took the [various] pills"?

I don't believe every "incel" is Elliot Rodger or whatever. But it's not an ideology I would want to live under.

There's gotta be a better way!! !

I killed my chances of developing social skills by playing video games excessively between the ages of 13 through to 30 as my main activity beyond school/college/work/university. This helped avoid social situations that I felt uncomfortable and I hated being socially rejected and excluded it was hard to not show my tears a few times. To keep fit I prefer solo activities like running, cycling, walking. Not interacting with people I avoided social interactions and I do not go to bars/clubs. On my own I would stand out like sore thumb in a night club/bar and have no protection if go to toilets because a low life may attack me as they see easy target. I do not drink much anyway because it is empty calories.

I would stand out like a sore thumb in bars/clubs, too.

I don't go to them. And I hardly went to them when I was younger, as well.

So like feminism, as a feminist said if you look hard enough everything is sexist.
^ actual quote from a feminist at some event.
I don’t fallow any incel extremists philosophy. I just mee the definition of the abbreviation of the term.
What exactly is their ideology?
If it’s that a lot of women today are super picky and most guys don’t meet their requirements then I guess I do. I see lots of women where I live complaining about being single and how there’s no real men to date, poor them they say it’s unfair. We have 3,000 more men then women here, women should t have any problem finding a guy. But then most people here are poor. There’s the problem. They should move to Portland where there’s more we’ll off men.