Didn’t come as a surprise that he was a virgin!

Page 22 of 34 [ 535 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 ... 34 Next

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 72,422
Location: Chez Quis

11 Jul 2022, 12:02 am

Thank you, but that's not the worst of what I've lived through.
In fact, my husband was tame compared to the ones after him.

I already explained some of my trauma in the RvW thread, and again in the Abuse thread which I linked earlier.

_________________
I never give you my number, I only give you my situation.
Beatles

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,123
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

11 Jul 2022, 12:06 am

Let’s ask the bisexual people what’s easier: dating men or dating women?

Their answers should put this « debate » to rest .

IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 72,422
Location: Chez Quis

11 Jul 2022, 12:09 am

ironpony wrote:

I just want everyone to be happy, and in the case of this thread sexually happy, and for everyone to get what they want out of life, sexually.

Get what they want out of life, sexually?
Be sexually happy?

Yes, I suppose I agree that no one wants to be sexually unhappy, but that seems like a very odd choice of words.

"Sexually safe" comes to mind, if sex factors into the equation at all.

_________________
I never give you my number, I only give you my situation.
Beatles

The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,765

11 Jul 2022, 12:10 am

Twilightprincess wrote:

You are free to vent but stop making sweeping generalizations.

Read through this thread and others in L&D and see if you can find reasons why it might be just as difficult for autistic women to find partners as it is for autistic men. Hint: there are many reasons.

It’s been talked about ad nauseam.

Sweeping generalisations? I provided reasoning behind the generalisations I made, and you failed to address my reasoning at all. You also haven't provided reasoning behind the belief you assert about finding a dating partner being equally difficult for autistic men and autistic women.

If you don't want to, that's fine, but then I'm unsure why you would have this conversation in the first place.

IsabellaLinton wrote:

Twilightprincess wrote:

Read through this thread and others and see if you can find reasons why it might be just as difficult for autistic women to find partners as it is for autistic men.

and, add the fact that women risk pregnancy from any so-called "love and dating", internet dating, or "attention online" (ironpony's words, not TGI's).

The stakes are a lot higher for women fooling around or having hookups, than they are for men.

Yes, this is true. There are facets of dating where women face disadvantages that men don't face very often or at all.

I was specifically talking about finding a willing dating partner in my post, and I maintain that autistic men tend to have a harder time with that than autistic women for the reasons I mentioned previously. It's plausible that women's safety concerns with dating actually end up contributing to this reality.

ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

11 Jul 2022, 12:16 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:

ironpony wrote:

I just want everyone to be happy, and in the case of this thread sexually happy, and for everyone to get what they want out of life, sexually.

Oh well I just mean I don't like the idea of people being rejected sexually or in dating as well, because after a while that's got to take a toll on people and make them feel undesired by others for sure.

The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,765

11 Jul 2022, 12:18 am

ironpony wrote:

That's exactly what happens.

Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1934
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,064
Location: wales

11 Jul 2022, 12:19 am

Twilightprincess wrote:

ironpony wrote:

Oh okay. I thought that women have it easier at getting sex, based on my female friends who have joined dating sites, and then said guys sent them all sorts of sexual messages and pictures of their 'butternut squashes'. So I thought women had it easier to get sex based on the ones I know and the attention they got online, compared to men. Not sure about dating though.

So you think that the experience of a couple of women that you know personally reflects the experience of all women?

Do you reflect the experiences and knowledge of all women?

IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 72,422
Location: Chez Quis

11 Jul 2022, 12:24 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

I was specifically talking about finding a willing dating partner in my post, and I maintain that autistic men tend to have a harder time with that than autistic women for the reasons I mentioned previously. It's plausible that women's safety concerns with dating actually end up contributing to this reality.

I think this is a fair statement. Maybe. Perhaps.

If it's true, it's because many autistic women are so traumatised by their dating / sexual history that they are afraid to date again and they don't bother looking for new partners. Either that or autistic men try to date them, but they're too scared to say yes.

That means the problem is twofold:

- statistics show autistic women are at great risk of intimate partner violence, abuse, rape, exploitation, manipulation and coercion. They seem to attract a higher-than-average number of narcissistic, controlling, abusive, or otherwise sociopathic partners. That includes female partners, male autistic partners, and male NT partners.

- as a result, nice guys who are autistic have a hard time finding dates. ND women are often too traumatised, and NT women might not be attracted to autistic partners. (Might not).

None of this even begins to address the struggles of LGBTQ / trans / nonbinary people when dating.

_________________
I never give you my number, I only give you my situation.
Beatles

IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 72,422
Location: Chez Quis

11 Jul 2022, 12:27 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

ironpony wrote:

That's exactly what happens.

Personally, I'm more worried about the toll of violence, fear, shame, and murder.

Rejection is at the bottom of my list.

_________________
I never give you my number, I only give you my situation.
Beatles

ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

11 Jul 2022, 12:29 am

Nades wrote:

Twilightprincess wrote:

ironpony wrote:

So you think that the experience of a couple of women that you know personally reflects the experience of all women?

Do you reflect the experiences and knowledge of all women?

Oh in what way or in what context exactly?

ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 40
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

11 Jul 2022, 12:33 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

ironpony wrote:

That's exactly what happens.

Personally, I'm more worried about the toll of violence, fear, shame, and murder.

Rejection is at the bottom of my list.

Oh yes murder and violence are a toll as well, it's just that this thread was mostly about being sexually desired and losing virginity specifically, so I was trying to stick to that. I didn't mean to come off as insensitive, if I was.

Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1934
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,064
Location: wales

11 Jul 2022, 12:34 am

ironpony wrote:

Nades wrote:

Twilightprincess wrote:

ironpony wrote:

So you think that the experience of a couple of women that you know personally reflects the experience of all women?

Do you reflect the experiences and knowledge of all women?

Oh in what way or in what context exactly?

I meant Twilightprinces

The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,765

11 Jul 2022, 12:38 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

All of what you've said is reasonable. I've heard the same sort of thing that women on the spectrum have a higher tendency to end up with abusers and manipulators. That's pretty sad.

I think the expectations placed on men make things difficult for autistic men, as the initiator role that we're meant to take on often relies on social confidence, strong social skills and the ability to read body language. I wonder whether things would be different for me in a world where the gender roles associated with courtship didn't exist. If I had women hitting on me or asking me out, I feel like that'd make things so much easier.

But then I guess it's possible that no one would show an interest in me in that world either.

Last edited by The Grand Inquisitor on 11 Jul 2022, 12:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,765

11 Jul 2022, 12:41 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

ironpony wrote:

That's exactly what happens.

Personally, I'm more worried about the toll of violence, fear, shame, and murder.

Rejection is at the bottom of my list.

What about when the rejection and loneliness have been going on so long and taken such a toll that one starts to feel so hopeless about their love life that they start to entertain the idea of committing suicide?

IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 72,422
Location: Chez Quis

11 Jul 2022, 12:53 am

I could flip that and say, "Dating would be so much easier for women too, if they weren't just viewed as walking vaginas by a majority of the world's population, if they didn't have to worry about pregnancy, or shaming, or if they weren't at risk of being murdered by whoever they date ... and / or their family in the case of Honour Killings".

I'm not saying that you (TGI) feel this way about women, or that you would be violent.

I'm just saying that women's trauma / risk factor is real. Straight women who ghost or reject nice men aren't doing it out of spite, they aren't "b*tches" or gold diggers, and they don't secretly think the guy is ugly.

I'd rather risk being laughed at (your situation), than being raped. I can say that from experience. If you spent a day online as a woman, you might see what I mean. It's constant harassment, dick pics, come-ons, and BS from people who just wanna get in your pants. If you think that's fun or sexually arousing, try sleeping with men and see how it feels.

That's not to invalidate your feelings. We both have trauma. It's important to see each other's point of view.

_________________
I never give you my number, I only give you my situation.
Beatles

Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1934
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,064
Location: wales

11 Jul 2022, 1:04 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:

Why has this thread taken such a heavy slant towards sexual violence? It just a topic that keeps going on and on and on here.

I can't help but get the feeling that the women here are trying to speak for all women and trying to dominate the thread in doing so.

Page 22 of 34 [ 535 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 ... 34 Next

Jump to:

Didn’t come as a surprise that he was a virgin! Post Reply New Topic

Didn’t come as a surprise that he was a virgin!