Would you dump someone who got fat?

Post Reply New Topic

That's just the thing. I don't approach them, they approach me. They then get pushy or belligerent when I respond in anything except a positive manner. Eventually If I've tried every other way of saying no, I have no choice but to be bluntly honest with them. Or, if some one has tried to set me up with them they get mad when I don't show interest in their friend. You are acting as if I go out in public and am purposefully insulting to people. Which dovetails nicely into this:



Neither do I. You are assuming that I speak to people in real life the same way I speak to people on the Internet.

hmmm ... well, I'd stick to the script: "I am sorry, I am sure you are very nice, but I just don't feel the chemistry with you, and I don't see how I can change that. I am sure some other guy will be very happy to have you interested in him, but it just isn't me."

Don't expect anyone to ever take rejection well, that just isn't human nature, but while you can get them out of your face with brutal honesty, you just hurt yourself in the long run, as people will see you as a jerk.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 13 May 2012, 12:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I don't find very fat women so physically attractive. I prefer skinnier women.

I also don't find the vast majority of black African women physically appealing because I don't think extremely dark skin (and by extremely dark I mean bluish black) looks so good on a woman (according to my personal taste) but that is already a different story.

Last edited by Uri on 13 May 2012, 1:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's my thing, if you're married, you know, yeah, you're stuck with them, but someone becoming fat really quickly isn't an "Aww..." kinda thing going on, it's serious business. And yes, generally when people do gain weight, they do lose self esteem, their health does deteriorate, I know because I've gone through it.

As far as the "I wouldn't date those Aspie types." argument. Well, people are entitled to that opinion. If the rest of the world doesn't like me, it's not my job to convince the rest of the world to like me. Either they do or they don't. I'd like people to be "open minded" towards me, but I don't want them forced to like me out of pity or because outside influences are "making" them, I want people who will really be my friends. I've dealt with friends who were basically friends with me out of pity/obligation, and it wasn't a good experience, as they're friends because they feel obligated, not because they actually like you as a person. So this is the same thing as forcing yourself to have an open mind and date fat women, to me it's the same thought process involved.

The vast majority of black African women come in shades other than "bluish black". There are several shades of brown, but that is also a different story.

Well that's the thing, there's some leeway, but if it's a matter of trying to "change" the other person, I unfortunately cannot modify a person like a car, people are damned hard to modify, so yeah...

1000Knives, would you share the cooking duty? i don't understand what the problem was with your dad cooking. did your mother work or do the rest of the chores?

That's quite conceited, maybe you should address that. No-one likes a smartarse.

Sorry I took it that way then though, as it happens, I am with a relatively thin woman who eats like crap and she suits me fine.

I also think that people may have gotten the wrong idea about my preferences, so this is for clarity ratther than argumentativeness. Just because there is such a thing as being too overweight for my preferences does not mean I need my partner to be "thin." Nor do I believe that my preferences represent some objective ideal.

All I meant to say in this thread is that physical attraction matters, even if it is subjective, and that there is nothing wrong with taking it into account when choosing a partner.

rabbittss, you are once again putting down large women as though they are beneath you. first of all, they aren't. and second of all, it is profoundly offensive for you to say that here. that would be a good thing to keep to yourself on WP. it's one thing to express that they are not your type, and it is another thing to express that you consider them to be lesser.

Meh, I probably shouldn't be writing lengthy posts while hung over. In the specific area of self-awareness, self-analysis, self-help the 'I even' is applicable but I absolutely vouch that there are a lot of other areas of life where I feel rock dumb or like I'm mentally wheezing and out of breath fast trying to keep up with people.

Well, in the context of your post, you basically said that I was of lesser intelligence than you.

I don't think I know what post you're talking about then. Most of my posts earlier were quoting hyperlexian and debating a point regarding how much control people have of their 'hardships' and it wasn't even around attraction or lack of attraction to the obese, it was a point about people saying they're surrounded by social darwinists and whether or not they're at fault for their surroundings.

Both worked about equal amounts. Both were overworked from...working, and both didn't do chores really. But my dad would do all the cooking. That's an entirely separate discussion, needless to say, I'm quite picky, maybe impossibly so about marriage. My wife would have to be content with less money, and just driving used cars and the like, after seeing how my parent's marriage got ruined by different ideals about money, with my dad basically sharing the ideals I have today. It seems like my parent's marriage, like many marriages, was done out of "aww, f**k it." Also, I'd like to live in a rural area, too, like out in Maine. So it's gonna be damned hard to find a wife on the same page as me, but maybe, who knows.

The biggest thing regarding specifically the food. Yes, I'd be willing to share cooking duty, that's not really an issue. The issue is ideals. My mom wouldn't eat very much healthy food, and my father would. So what happened was, my mother not only wouldn't cook, she'd not eat much of the food my father cooked, and then would deride my father and basically call him a freak for his "health freak" ways. IE, my dad was concerned with hydrogenated oil and whole wheat in the 90s before those two things were recognized by the general public. Also, my mother's favorite drink was Diet Coke, and my dad rightly recognized the dangers of aspartame. When I lived with my mother at first, one of the only flavored drinks she'd buy was Diet Coke, so I started drinking it. I started getting headaches and my heart would have palpitations. I thought it was just from caffeine, but then I had a whole pot of coffee and was perfectly fine, and had the same bad effects from seltzer with aspartame. As soon as I cut out Aspartame, I was fine.

Now, I deal with the exact same problems my dad dealt with. Mind you, my dad I guess could have been pushy about his health stuff, but he was right. Like for example, my mom wasn't buying meat for like a month, but she'd buy bottled water and frozen dinners. And for me now, I cook lots of great stuff that my friends readily will eat, but the rest of my family thinks it's "weird" because it's not from a damned box. And it sucks, to have your "work" being cooking, not validated by your own family, you know? I think a lot of what made my dad unhappy was lack of validation, my mother refused to eat probably half of what my dad cooked, you know? It'd be one thing if it was just about work duty, but situations like that, yeah...

And this is how you do it.
This poster has outlined their preferences without asserting that their preferences are the norm or that people who don't fit them are gross/unsightly.
(now do I think maybe it would be good for them to examine the potential sociological roots of those preferences yes, but that's a separate issue)

It doesn't matter if you're online or irl, there are some things that shouldn't make it past your internal filter.

brief video on appropriate behavior (includes a bad word)

People can be dicks - awesome news. I can assert my preferences are the norm, someone else can assert otherwise. Who cares.
I just know my reality cant co-exist with someone who needs a winch to get out of bed, has difficulty finding clothes that fit and rides a mobility scooter despite not having a disability.