Just avoiding the subject here.

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Maybe I'm simply part of an externality relative to the rest of the matrix.

That or maybe this is actually reality...

I get the impression that I've been living in said Matrix too long for anyone to expect my return.

I don't know what to express as an "escape sequence" to stop myself feeling like a machine as a result of putting too much energy into machines. I feel that it's too great an imposition to ask someone else to come up with that statement. I refuse to predicate this statement.

I'm no good on this old mechanical keyboard, I've gone & spoiled myself with new gear before I exhausted the old stuff as part of the biggest supercomputer ever, without even scratching the surface of my human potential.

I hope this supercomputer can write the molecular code of our vaccine.

I'm not high enough to post this, give me a minute.

There we go. ***ceremonially burns wallet***

I refuse to believe that I've seen far enough into my friends' human experiences to know them as they're able to know me. There's know way my machine code head can see their insights into me. I miss knowing my family on their terms exclusively & I feel like an iffy village shaman.

Things get weird from time to time but the last thing I want is to turn my thread into an echochamber. I should get out of the house a bit...

Have you looked for a programming group in your area? I'm part of a javascript club here and it is gigantic (I mean hundreds of people attend, both male and female).

Programming seems like a huge field and a lot of programmers here love socializing

Programming is a huge field even if you are dealing with just a single programming language.
But you are right that it's important to establish a contact to other people e.g. by joining social groups. You can try martial arts as well.

I'm not much of a martial arts enthusiast, I respect the athletic aspect but I get my workouts skiing or biking when I can. For that matter I'm not as much into programming these days as much as I am systems code & 3D graphics. It's like I live in niches too much to know my way through the social aspects of my industry. Sure, I can be better at socializing on a more disciplined basis sooner or later but I'm also just trying to be closer to women who knew me already.

I think my perspective is somewhat alien to most programmers; I just hack around a lot. Startup week was fun...

I went to a park yesterday and sweated it out a bit. Good stuff.

I need to go do some wheelies on my next beer run.

Unfortunately the roomie I usually get into BMX shenanigans with broke his leg the other week. Thus my workout today was the weedwacker.

I guess I'll see everyone in the bar.

I'm not altogether sure it's healthy for me to fixate on code as much as I often do though. Women don't have to be programmers to expand my views on reality. I think it's more important for me to focus on making my technology knowledge more approachable.

you definitely should. being locked up with little company but one's thoughts does terrible things to the mind.

hope you are getting exercise.

I didn't manage to get any exercise lately but I caught up with the one girl who actually understands me again earlier. For whatever it's worth, I'm not sure our understanding is fully the same thing as knowing each other entirely & we've known each other for almost ten years or something.

None of that in itself means I'm actually close to anyone lately but I guess I can always hope people see more in me.

I have no clue though.

Bleh I'm so confused. Absent information of relevance from most humans my brain is just continually making up nonsense.

It has been since before the quarantine, I do need more time outside.

Beer & pasta are tasty enough to be a good substitute for human interaction but nothing ever works out that way...

I have to learn how not to do nothing with my spare time again. I have to admit I guess I've become too shy to get close to anyone lately. I just want to be wrong about that one thing.

I'm not sure what to tell you..... I wish I knew.

Getting outside in the fresh air and getting a little mild exercise even can help with perspective and mood.

Eating a balanced diet and taking any supplements needed also helps with mood tremendously (in the Pacific northwest so many people are vitamin D deficient and suffer depression).

Reading (especially fiction) can help with critical thinking and emotional intelligence.

Keeping a journal can help you sort out your own thoughts and keep track of your progress in many ways.

I have, at times, made a specific list of people to text or call every so many days to see how they are doing.

Maybe something there will be of some use....

If not, I hope the next person has better advice