My gf seems to be bothered that I am 'white and privileged'.

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Good question. Rexi has the answer.

With what comes out of your mouth about the woman? I'll need to think about it... No. If you were bedridden it wouldn't be enough. If you were a woman it wouldn't be enough. If you were her dog? Yes. Perhaps your dream desire is to eat kibble not benefit off her time in the kitchen? I think ascension from that standpoint can make a lot of changes.

Last edited by Rexi on 04 Mar 2022, 6:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

Patience for the way you debate with her and for thinking and saying she wanna be solo.

But you have some patience too, but it kills you in time. If you can find what you need to get over that event and create it you can save yourself. But it cannot be obtained through controlling opinion. If you feel like she's too powerful in debates she's gotta back off. Like on one side you ask her to explain but then you say she's trying to convince you. Find out what's the best for you.

Last edited by Rexi on 04 Mar 2022, 6:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

Here is my menu, btw.

Worms. Worms are good.

Hmmm I prefer to look at our relationship through the prism of Malsow's pyramid. We have passed the basic needs phase and now seek self actualisation. She seeks this through hinduism and I seek it through jedi philiosophy of the force.

Wait, WHAT??? Maslow is my friend, first of all, so kudos on being on the right track. Second, if you really know Maslow well, you’ll know that self-actualization is not so frequently achieved.

Third…both Hinduism and Jedi philosophy emphasize the denial of self. It’s not possible to self-actualize and be a consistent Hindu or Jedi. Even attaining Nirvana or oneness with the force necessarily requires a loss of individual identity that precludes self-actualization even in death. The accomplishments of Qui-Gon, Kenobi, and Yoda are particularly heretical considering what was known about the Force at the time of the Clone Wars.

The Sith, on the other hand…

It's good to see the discussion is staying on track.
No sarcasm.
Humour.

I hope they are gluten-free worms.

If it helps you sleep at night.
Do you ever stop needing to eat? To be loved? To keep seeking self actualization? It's pretty much the same in love. You can flourish or you can lock up and replace each other for your hands like kids hiding from their moms while having fantasies of anything but reality and love. Go ahead, draw the eyes too, the more it comes to life, the more you don't.

The only reason why most people fall out of love is so they can fall back in. To get the connection between them go well again. If you hit rock bottom you can get back up, to give up is not the only choice.

The only reason why people wouldn't want it is if there's problems. Problems are to be understood and fixed. And downsides should not stop you from enjoying something and seeing the bright side.

I have heard one of my Christian classmates claim that abstinence cleansed their soul and they were imagining they were more pure, but it wasn't very hard to see how that's completely offtrack. That was insane enough, but to give up completely and seek to become a monk or buddha himself leans unrigidly on cultist thought. That's to me one of those examples where spirituality becomes delusion and disroots one from its earthly origins and life itself with others. If so why marry is my question, if the quest is to become a spiritual being or a monk? Hello, you still have a body. It doesn't disappear just because you think it. You're still on Earth, but mentally elsewhere.

And apparently having fantasies of anything else but your wife somehow doesn't interfere in your quest for self actualization and talking horribly about women's bodies even though it should, but being with her would. That makes zero sense.

If you give up figuring out the bottom of the pyramid, how can you skip to the top. You'd have been basically pooping your pants on the presidential chair. But to be honest mating with your wife shouldn't be at the bottom of the pyramid, should be there at the top. For spiritual humans I would say, they can make it something more.

Interesting thoughts and worth pondering. I mentioned Maslow's pyramid for simplicity, The heirarchy of needs is not just situational in terms where we sit, it's also transitional or chronological/temporal, We progress through stages in life. I understand you are still in the young/horny stage so can't visualise what it would be like to not be having sex. Most people reduce the amount of sex they have as they get older. Some give it up,

For couples this is no different.Im not trying to make excuses or recommend/preach my lifestyle to others, But as we broaden our minds and experience personal growth the mind becomes prepared for the inevitably of death, Like a snake shedding it's old skin we leave behind aspects of our lives as they are less important.

I have spent years with exes without sex, and while I know a connection is very important and that being for a long time with someone has a very high significance and brings peace and calm and safety, i don't see it as necessary to live without that aspect. That's why sexologists and psychologists talk about sparking things up again. To live like you're already dead and prepare to die doesn't make life any more special or worth living especially when you're supposed to be sharing it. To get locked up and find your own experiences seems to me it's growing further apart rather than preparing to say goodbye, unless you can't stand doing it, or like you say, you said it in your 30s, long ago. Your wife's living with a man who's been constantly dying for 16 years. How fun is that, hmm. Is she a masochist?

Last edited by Rexi on 04 Mar 2022, 9:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

We probably need to start a new thread but when I do nobody ever responds anyway.

Enlightened buddhists and hindus do not demand full obedience from their acolytes. Instead the acolyte chooses to follow their masters/gurus to what they feel is best for themselves. Invariably the acolyte knows the wisdom of their master/guru and just puts their trust in him. As with jedi teaching the earlier one can train a acolyte (or paduan) the easier it will be to condition the young mind.

The dalai lama says (when speaking to westerners) buddhism is not a mandatory prescription that you must follow. You take from it what is useful to you. You do at your own pace. There is a reason. We in the west acquire knowledge of eastern religions in adulthood when our minds are already conditioned to sexual promiscuity, junk food, aggressive competition etc etc...he is wise enough to be patient with us and let us evolve at our own pace.

Alas the Jedi masters were not so flexible. This was precisely (and was a teachable aspect of Star wars) why Aniken was too old when he was bought to the Jedi temple. He was not able to control his emotions/reacted to things automatically because his mind was already set in its ways. it's like trying to teach somebody who loves steak to learn to be a vegan. All theat one has to do is invite the new vegan to a BBQ and make him smell juicy steak on a coal/spit and his motivation would be tested.

I don't want to sound like I know what you went through but isn't this your experience? How people/couples respond to each other is based on their own personal as well as situational factors. I did explain to you that my wife and I were physically (and mentally exhausted) trying to work with our autistic daughter while both of us worked. We both lost friends (people are amazingly consistent in wanting to avoid complications when their friends find themselves with an autistic child).

Instead of feeling defeated through experience of negative situations we took the events as a positive opportunity and learned to grow under the new conditions we lived with, We are physical and love each other without actually having sex. I do not feel deep down this is in any way pathological or detrimental. it's what we mutually choose to do.

I'm afraid we have to agree to disagree Rexi

Oi, that's *my* line, grasshopper!
I think you are ready to leave the nest.

Well I would like to understand her more, but I just have trouble figuring out her way of thinking. For example, she talks to me about this article on systematic racism, talking about how the white race is much more able bodied, capital driven then other races.

This was supposed to read as a criticism to white people I assume, but to me, this comes across as an insult to other races, because if the white race is more able bodied, that just implies that they are more physically capable than other races, and if they say the white race is more capital driven, that is saying that other races, don't have a drive to achieve as much, as if they are under-achievers in comparison. I just don't understand any of this really.