What is the main reason why guys have to do the approaching?

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Meanwhile, I am getting repetitive messages on this dating site (not spams).

[img][800:306]http://i.imgur.com/E0B7U.png[/img]

I am wasting time here on WP, good night folks ;p, keep arguing who has it harder till the end of times - I have some potential dates waiting for me.

I like the looks of a guy who's 'in shape' in the sense of not having an enormous beer gut, but mainly because I want someone to *do* things with. I don't need a guy with less than 10% body fat, or arms so bulging that he can't touch his own hips without straining (gross!). I don't need sixpack abs - again, that says "gay" to me. I find someone who plays soccer for a few hours a week, or who explores on his bike, or hikes in the woods, or walks his dog, or goes rock climbing, far more attractive than someone who spends hours in a gym getting perfectly sculpted.
In short, I don't generally like the looks of someone who "works" at /looking good/ as much as the looks of someone who happens to look /decent/ as a tangential benefit of doing something else that he enjoys.

for some reason, a lot guys here suck at ball sport and group games, it's a common trait here.

So aspie guys have few options here: gym, running, hiking, and some other sole activities are the only options for getting fit.

And again, I was talking about the majority, not you.

...walking the dog, rock climbing, sculling, ....
there are lots and lots of options. Just get out of the effing house and find something that you enjoy.

Also, some aspies are good at ball sports; the communication tends to be more overt than routine interpersonal communications, and if you're good at teamwork on RPGs you'll probably do ok at a team sport. Unless you live in a very small town, you can probably find a team where people play for 'fun' as opposed to competition, and you can build up some body coordination over time as well as learning how to interact with people a little bit more.

I started aikido about a decade ago, and though it was slow going, I think it really benefitted me in terms of coordination and dealing with people. Also, it's really fun!

many social norms are for the NTs. i dont see how they can be applied to everyone in here so bluntly

i see many people here trying to argue a minute detail to give them the some leverage to complain

fact is dating is tough for many people. the reasons why are VASTLY different. i would have to say that it is tougher for the average guy than the average girl. a guy has to be able to convince the opposite sex how to say yes, a girl just has to know when to say no. keep in mind im referring to generalized problems. each person has to look at their strengths and weaknesses.

me personally:
im not unattractive, im intelligent, nice, good with animals, very fit, i send the first email (online dating) as often as i can.
im also on the short side (5'6"), have not finished school which is considered bad for my age, my pictures dont really show me smiling or socializing with many friends.
and the last time i had any kind of relationship was over 5 years ago. people who know me are baffled that women dont want to get to know me, and yet its clear that women dont want to get to know me from a first glance. now im not advocating that my life sucks and i want everyone to pity me. im advocating that i consider myself a good catch and still have a damn near impossible time getting a girl to START having an interest in me.

so my point in the end of all this is quite simple. many guys who have social awkwardness in any bit will struggle when lined up against other guys and being picked based on 10 seconds or less of information. however they should be quite successful if they are in social gatherings where long term exposure exists, like from co-workers or friends of friends.

i find it interesting the women that always come to fight about this issue always claim they like short, nerdy, skinny, shy, etc, guys. They never have any proof that is what they go for but its always the claim.

One time, a friend was telling me how much she likes the nerdy type, then I have asked her "how many nerds and geeks have you dated in your life?" - she said zero, I was like

When I was the typical geeky guy (and geeky-looking), no woman wanted to give me the time of day, not even the geek women.

I have addressed this before.

Both genders when referring to aspies go through a lot of crap in their dating lives.

Yet instead of supporting each other (like we should be), we are choosing to play the "who has it worse card" and argue constantly - despite the fact that we do have something in common, we are not considered "desirable" by the NT majority - it's kicks us all in the teeth, just in different ways (even amongst guys, they have different issues).

I myself have, on numerous occasions, agreed with what the guys here go through - and supported, encouraged and helped where I can.
But blaming aspie women, telling us we have it easier, the constant invalidation, denial, and trivialization - that will not help you get a date.
And perhaps most of all - the women you are complaining to here and *NOT* the same women out there in the world who won't give you a chance.

I've been asking both the women and the men here to behave in a respectful manner, not to invalidate the issues the other gender faces and help them where they can. But being constantly antagonized for that is wearing, no matter who is doing it..

Lol, let me be even more blunt: I have never met such a huge amount of self-pity, accusatory, spleenful group of men, in my life.

On the opposite end of the scales, there are some really positive, kind and full of verve guys too.

I don't seem to be discriminating about height, weight, or looks in general, do I?

I agree on the stupid arguing part completely, like i said i wonder what the people in these arguments stand to gain. Both sides just feel like their taking out their anger that has accumulated from years of bad interactions on just members of this site whove done nothing. And yes, that goes for both men and women.

But I will disagree on one point, which is kinda what I was alluring to my last post. We in general have very different issues, which until they socially dissolve the gender roles, we wont get past. Because of that I feel its best to not work together. We are a minority on both sides. We each face very specific issues individually, yet everyone here acts as if their experience and opinion covers the whole of the world. Those women claiming they love X Y and Z things on men, are likely not just a minority, but also dould end up falling for men usually not displaying those. The same can be said genders reversed. We both struggle with looking our best, its not an easy thing to achieve for most. But most importantly, our societies are different. Look at boo, where he lives the issue of religion alone severly limits him. Not just in finding a woman but also in keeping one. Then we compare this to somewhere like london, where sex is relatively free and easy to get plus the huge population means even if you struggle due to sheer numbers alone you're bound to find someone. Then go to some small midwest american town, numbers are suddendly completely against a person, add to that not being as free/open about sex and relationships. And theres thousands of other examples.

^^^
The point of us all having different issues - even between other guys, they may be the same gender but they have completely different issues. Other guys still help them. They understand that there are different issues at play (like your example with Boo) and try to help anyway. Guys have helped Boo who have never lived in Lebannon and have no idea of the culture there. I'm not saying to ignore the differences - of course not! - but I am saying that we should be attampting to help each other regardsless of the differences and what issues we face.

Furthermore, if the sub-forum becomes more open and receptive, more women will participate to help other women here - thus the guys won't *have* to participate in those discussions, unless they want to.

Last edited by Kjas on 18 Nov 2012, 4:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The ignorance on both sides is amazing.

You got the guys who want nothing but sex and b***h and moan about not getting it when they know they can't get it because it's obvious they want sex and nothing else. You also got the guys who can GET girls who come in here talking about women being prizes or sex objects, though the guys who are saying that aren't getting attacked (why is that?) You got the guys like me who don't care about sex but want a relationship, but can't GET one no matter what they do, and they're getting attacked and thought of as creeps/molesters even though sex isn't on their minds.

Then you got the girls talking about how all guys are creepy, and they should have a right to judge a man by crazy things, even though most rapists/molesters/whatever are actually thought of as attractive.

Argh, people are so crazy. Even my own type of people.

We humans are a messed-up bunch aren't we?

I'm glad most of us can really support each other on here, even if some of our views/beliefs/lifestyles REAAAALLY clash with each other!

Yeah, I admit Im still upset about my ex gf leaving me. But so far no one here has ever showed me any aspie women truly struggling in relationship. Where is this trouble all these aspie women have in dating. What is because all your bf are nerds and geeks is that the problem?

you aspie ladies can find a good man and he wants to stay with you. I find the perfect lady and she leaves me.
many of aspie ladies can find a date and the man loves you so much that he never leaves.
none of you ladies here will ever understand what I go through. You never have someone just leave you and if you did there whole bunch of other ''perfect'' men for you.

Yes we should be support each others. Let start 1- not all men who can't get dates are creepy
2-it not women fault they get men. Men are the one's who are hitting on and tolerated women
3-Aspie women are not bad because they get dates, they are just lucky they live in a society in which men will Tolerate them
4- Shy men,aspie men,nervous men are not bad people
5- since there is alot anti gay bulling stuff. we need to teach women that not all men have the ability to go up and ask out a women, we need to teach women that they too can go up and talk to men and teach women that shy men are not creepy
6- we need to stop showing support for jerks and abusive men. We need to stop teaching girls that men who are jerks are ''real men'' and men who are shy are ''p**** and not worthy''
7- we need to teach men, that women have feeling and are not ''slu*ty bimbo's''

I take no issue with anything on this list.

Most of these are societical issues. The only way they will change if we actually change it - once again, someone has to go first.

I take issue with people think think they will change things by being negative, bitter, and blaming their problems on others - in other words, I have no issue with the ends only the *means* they choose to do it through.