Marknis wrote:
I feel like my situation is hopeless now. I am 30 years old and others my age are already married or engaged while I don't even date. Even if I move out, the fact it took me so long as well as the fact I don't have a dating history going back to my teens will make me come off as if something's wrong with me.
OK, but if experience is what it's all about, then nobody would ever get into relationships in the first place. It all STARTS somewhere.
The way I see it, the only way your past experience is going to matter is if your history put you at high risk for disease and you're not sure if you're clean or not. If you have a disease that could be spread through sexual contact and sex is part of the conversation, then you have to open up about that.
LACK of experience? See, that's just stupid, and hypocritical for anyone to judge you on that. People aren't really all THAT concerned about it, to be honest.
Let's look at it logically. Let's make one assumption, that absolutely no one will date you unless they believe you've had relationship experience. You + dating are mutually exclusive. Why? You can't date without experience, but then you can't get experience without dating.
So--given that one assumption, nobody would ever date anyone at all because getting dates is contingent on experience. But people in our scenario DO date. That means guys getting dates when you don't is unfair because they aren't being honest about their own experience.
The only logical conclusion you can draw is that given all guys do get dates at all levels of experience, either girls aren't asking them about their experience, or guys are lying about it.
I've got a nice little pickup line locked and loaded precisely for this situation:
"You hating on me because I don't have 'experience'? What does that even mean? You wanna talk experience, you're not experienced, either. You are? No, you're not. I know you're not, and I'll tell you how I know. You haven't experienced ME, yet!"
If the problem REALLY IS that you're in a Catch-22, then it's hypocritical of anyone to call you out on experience. Deep down everyone knows this. Girls, in my experience, don't really ask you about that. If a girl gave me a hard time about it, and nobody ever did, I'd have just said, "If there was anything you needed to worry about, I promise, I'd have told you. Tell you what, let's make a deal: If you won't ask about how many women I've been with, I won't ask about how many men you've been with. All you need to know is you're not going to have any problems with me. Are you trying to tell me that there's something about you I need to know? Because if not, I think we have more important things to discuss..."
In other words, your level of experience is NOBODY'S BUSINESS. It really DOES NOT MATTER. My advice on this matter would be just what I've always said: Dive into women's media, find out what they're saying. Read romance novels. Read non-fiction/self-help on relationships. Read authors with divergent views, absorb every bit of it, and memorize. If you're NOT confused by all the conflicting advice out there, you're not reading enough. Read anything you can get your hands on about communication, and I highly recommend female authors writing for a female audience. Find out what they're saying "out there."
And watch Dr. Phil, too, and maybe even Divorce Court (I haven't watched that in years, but it used to be a good source of what-not-to-do info. Maury and Springer, too. Ok, I know...that's redneck/white-trash/ghetto stuff. But watch those for the sub-text. Shows like that are entertaining to various people-groups for a reason: they BEGIN with a premise, with truth, and spiral that truth into a surrealist relational mish-mash that even Salvador Dali would have been proud of. Look for the truth beneath the human cesspit and you'll learn a lot about what women are after. Why? These people make it their BUSINESS to know what women want on a mass scale. They're doing all the research for you. Put it to use.
Not to ignore all the women's blogs out there--that's important, too. But you don't even want to think about how much money marketers are making to reach women. Absorb everything.
Even stuff you may not agree with at all, like PUA--find out what PUA's are saying. Does it ACTUALLY work? That's an open-ended question, btw, and I'm not looking for any one correct answer. Are some PUA's possibly onto something? Does SOME of it make sense? You might be surprised by what you come up with.
When you actually DO have a date right in front of you, you'll find yourself actually OVERprepared. One date is not every single woman in the world. But you'll find that she's a reflection of SOMETHING you've read in a book, magazine, blog, or watched on TV or in a movie.
Another way to break the cycle of inexperience is by starting at a low level and working your way up. Your first experiences with a woman might be saying hello to the cashier at the grocery store. Or if you always hang out at a coffee shop, there's that one woman who always comes in at the same time and you say hello. You're used to seeing her and speaking to her in one-liners, so maybe one day you just ask if she wants to sit at your table. Or maybe you know when she's coming in and you find out what she always orders, so you go ahead and pay the barista ahead of time and he or she tells your girl it's on you. So while it's not an "official" date, it's awfully close to it. That counts as something in the way of experience. And then you go an a date-date with someone at some point. You may never go out on a date with this person ever again, but that's experience. Keep it up long enough, eventually there's gonna be that one girl you seem to have the best luck hanging out/going out with, and there's your relationship. And eventually you'll likely break up. That's experience. And you go right back to the beginning. You'll do this many, many times, over and over again, until eventually something sticks. By that point nobody can say you didn't have experience. You'll never have that if you don't count the tiniest, most seemingly insignificant encounters as SOMETHING.
Either way, you owe NOTHING to ANYONE, with the exception of anything that might affect someone's health or life.
I strongly dislike advising anyone to pursue sexual relationships. But it's the same thing in terms of inexperience--nobody's business. I was fortunate, I guess, because my first time was with a virgin. We'd been together for years, had fooled around in almost every way you can without having sex (although most anything counts these days). She was doing something she knew turned me on, I told her what I was going to do if she didn't stop. She didn't stop, and neither did I.
I've been intimate with a tiny handful of women since, and I discovered something I thought was interesting: Every woman is different. Yeah, I know that's like stating the obvious. What I mean is I know the basic mechanics of how sex works, I know how to stay in control of myself. But every time I've been with a new woman it was just very different, like my previous experience and the, like, hundreds of times I'd had sex with someone didn't really seem to matter at that point. There's no real way to prepare for a new woman in your life, no matter what aspect of the relationship you're talking about. Every single time you're intimate with a woman, you can honestly say you've NEVER been with anyone like her. So whatever "experience" you think you've had, it doesn't matter one bit when you're with someone new. The only way sex is going to be the same with every woman is if your own satisfaction is all that counts. Men out there who use women for their own pleasure and just want to get it done as quick as they can...well, women make fun of men like that. I'm not sure I'd enjoy being seen in public by women if a woman went and blabbed to all her friends that I couldn't last 15 seconds. The ability to thoroughly satisfy a woman carries more bragging rights than fooling a woman into thinking she should go to bed with you at all. I recall one woman in particular who was, um...relentless in bed and, I think, was really trying to see how far she could push the limit with me. She had far more experience than I've ever had, but I know she really enjoyed being with me.
So in recalling that, the lesson here is that it's not so much how many notches you have in your belt, but more just don't be an idiot. The experience thing is superfluous in the grand scheme of things. Don't worry so much about it.
04 Dec 2018, 9:20 am
Outside the Bible Belt, women generally avoid Trump supporters but it's the opposite here. If you aren't a Republican voter and proclaim yourself to be a Christian (Even if you don't even follow the tenants of Christianity), your dating opportunities are very slim. 
