"You need to work on yourself!"

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That sounds like most countries in the world and the guys with most wealth and status are seen as most attractive. Being born into a rich family and having more opportunities in regards to better education, better lifestyle, better fashion/style, more employment/business opportunities and more social connections.

The improve yourself like take a shower, read a book, go to the gym are useless advice that does not improve your social status or wealth position that is most attractive in securing business connection, social connections and forming relationships.

The luck of being born into a rich family with lots of opportunities for success in life instead of the bad luck of being born to a single mum on welfare or working class with limited opportunities for success in life.

Being born into a rich family and having more opportunities in regards to better education, better lifestyle, better fashion/style, more employment/business opportunities and more social connections. It all comes down to the luck of being born into a rich family with lots of opportunities for success in life instead of the bad luck of being born to a single mum on welfare or working class with limited opportunities for success in life.

Being aware that you are too poor and there is not much you can do to become more attractive is the acceptance of reality. I wish I could afford Rolex watches, Italian tailored suits, designer leather loafers, jewellery, sport convertibles, mansion in an exclusive location, yachts, collection of antiques/paintings, etc. Having more wealth/status makes a man more attractive and he can pick and choose the partner(s) he wants.

Wrong.

I was not born into a rich family. The legal troubles my brothers got into drained any savings my parents may have had that would have paid for college tuition for even 1 of us 6 kids. I left home at the age of 18, and worked as many as 3 part-time jobs to put myself through college, and eventually earned an MSEE. A few years later, I declared bankruptcy to get out from under my wife's (now ex-wife's) medical bills. Then she divorced me to marry her boyfriend. I was laid off and homeless for 18 months, during which I worked every possible job I could get. Then I joined the Navy, where I worked hard to be promoted 6 times in 6 years. Since then, I have remarried, purchase a home and other income properties, and am now set to retire.

What the hell does 'luck' have to do with any of that?

Not one damned thing!

Luck is for losers. Work gets the job done.

Both of my parents are doctors and have more social connections than I will most likely ever have but that did not translate to social success. If anything, it lead to the struggles I have with socialization in the first place. My parents were constantly telling me "Don't do that! Don't say that!" because they were overly concerned about how our family appeared to others more than anything else.

The year started with me depressed about being single and it will end with me still depressed about being single.

I have severe limitations in communication I make statements and I do not engage in conversations. i talk at people instead of talking to people. I sound like an idiot online when I re-read over my posts. I limit my communications in the real world to avoid coming across as an idiot and to avoid conflict. I find it hard dealing with criticism, it really gets to me. In real life I do not have a keyboard to use words to fight back against criticism, I am no good at talking in person.

This is the hand that God has dealt me in life and there is nothing that can be done and I have accepted my fate. I did not have early intervention and therapy because I am from a poor family. I blame my parents for the issues that i have in life, they were too busy and did not care enough about me and I grew up to become a useless human being with no future.

I am sick of people that have perfect lives and no disability telling me you have to man up, grow up, get over it and all petty insults that change nothing in my life. It is like saying get up and walk to a person who is in a wheel chair or has no legs. Victim blame society does not change anything it only adds to the victims problems in life.

Last edited by Aspie19828 on 15 Dec 2018, 8:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Haha!! ! Same here. Almost word-for-word this describes how I feel.

I don't worry about criticism. Haters gonna hate. I just ignore them most of the time. Sometimes haters actually have something useful to say, and those haters always get my attention. They've earned it. It doesn't upset me. That helps me be better next time. Everyone else? I just pretend to listen and then just go about my day.

Public speaking kills me. I conducted our beginner band concert at school Tuesday night. It's a private, parochial school, so most of our money comes from donors. I wasn't expecting much of a crowd. But I look out in the audience and one of our biggest donors is right there on the back row. Seriously wealthy businessman, quasi-famous recording artist, songwriter...I mean, seriously big name in my town. I'm like, oooooh, craaaaaaappppp... LOL. Think fast, think fast!! ! So I stumble through the concert, tripping all over myself, bragging on the kids, thanking parents, etc. etc. etc., and made a HUGE point of shouting out to and thoroughly embarrassing this guy, his wife, and their guest right before our encores. I also made a HUGE plug for the investment they made to the art studio and encouraged the audience to walk through before they left. Then there's the usual required schmoozing and glad-handing that makes me insane.

I know you have to do it. I am truly grateful to all these people. I mean every word I say. But I can't help thinking about how big an idiot I must look to other people. And I worry all the time about how people are just being nice and encouraging but deep down they're just thinking about how much of an awkward idiot I am. I literally worry myself sick over things like that.

It's just an anxiety thing, I know. I'm working on changing my thinking to help me act more appropriately. I don't make formal speeches, but I do rehearse different one-liners in my head and stay in charge of the dialogue. I remind myself, "it's MY night. It's MY party. I'M the superstar. I'M the one they all came to see. I'M the one who taught these kids and worked miracles for their musicianship. I'M the one they put in charge of spending their money to make this program EXCELLENT. Everything that has been accomplished has happened because of ME." Yes, I know how it sounds. But it works! And by stressing my own value, it enhances the value other people give me. Maybe I'm a bit of a social pariah, but people recognize they couldn't get this done without me. So that helps me not freeze up and freak out.

The selfish tone is a reminder to myself that I'm important, too. People can forgive your awkwardness when you show them that. When they buy into you, they realize that it benefits them to throw their support behind you. They'll call you generous, even when you're not (it's part of your job and you're getting paid). They'll call you genuine, even when they think you're just as fake as they are. But then we are all fortunate because they think we're all working towards the same goals--and they're not wrong about that. That gives me a great deal of comfort.

That, and I only have to do this at most twice a year!! !

commonly said to males only, especially since it seems that a mans social ability or how to handle or deal with social situations, or just his conversation-skills, conversation-ability, social-skills, impact his dating success more than the other way around

Maybe. I'm more concerned with how it is a man judges his abilities, though. Someone who is "different" or who is misunderstood because of those abilities "learns" from society that he is "weird" or "worthless." Reclaiming your worth through self-esteem won't magically make you NT, grow those atrophied skills, or instantaneously make you attractive to the opposite sex. But I do think responding to your own view of yourself should certainly give you more confidence to act on your own behalf and to your own benefit instead of mindlessly allowing yourself to be defined by the opinions of others. People will respect a weirdo who clearly knows what he's doing than a timid weirdo who just comes across as a creep. All you really have to do is be certain of the path you want to take and take that path boldly. As long as you're doing what makes you happy, that's enough.

That kind of person will more likely succeed socially than someone who isn't, regardless of ND or NT.

Agreed. My co-workers have expressed the opinions that I am “odd” or “weird”, yet I am also their “go-to-guy” for all things technical.

The World will love you only if you have something useful to offer. Without this usefullness, you will go through life coming across as a useless creep.

I know that seems harsh, but The World is no comfy, cushy pleasure cruise.

The most brutalest truth is that there are thousands of people in relationships who are all sorts of messed up yet still date

You will even often see them writing "I love my SO for supporting me despite being depressed and yada yada", but somehow we need to work on ourselves

Easily the biggest lie ever

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... self-first

That sort of advice is just playing the blameshifting game imo, I attribute it to people not knowing really what to say

The first part is true atleast for wp.
Men are told they need to improve and get better, women get told sorry, he wasn’t for you, you’re perfect the way you are.

It's not about blame-shifting. If you can't entice a potential partner to be with you despite a long history of wanting one and trying then your best bet is to improve the product you're selling (you). You can love someone who's depressed and someone can love you when you're depressed, but if nobody's interested in going out with you at all then you either need to keep doing what you're doing and hope that something will magically change for you, or change something you're doing in hopes of changing your results. No one's forcing you to go on a self-improvement quest, but if you've failed to attract anyone over a long period of time, it's your best bet.

People need to say whether they are referring to WP or the NT world, its confusing.

The only advice I've received on WP was when I asked for some. I got very little and it was all from males. In NT world most of the advice on self improvement I have received as an adult has come from females. Usually it's in response to me admitting something isn't perfect. It's as if they wait with a list of faults for an opening to dump them all on my head. I have learnt not to give this opening. It's only on WP that there are people who understand that my problems aren't just me being silly or difficult or a pain in the arse.

I've had no advice on self-improvement from females on WP nor have I seen any to other females.

there is definetley a lot of truth to that