Why is it girls have an easier time getting dates than guys?

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From an NT female perspective, I wouldn't mind expressing interest first, but only if there were signs that I had a decent chance. I could be brave with a little bit of encouragement, but not with no encouragement at all. I mean if I were really crushing on a guy, and I could tell he was shy, then it would be worth it to me to try to push things a little bit. I would probably be too chicken to call it a "date" or anything like that, though. I would probably try to suggest that we do something together, since we both enjoy that hobby/show/thing. I have had several female friends who are quite similar. We will show interest first, but it will be in gradual, little waves, so that we can gauge interest every step of the way and try to avoid making fools of ourselves. So maybe a lot of us just go too slow with it for guys to notice?

I have never met a woman who 'plays' hard to get. I have met a *lot* of women who are afraid to give men a firm 'No, f**k off,' because they've had men flip out on them for doing so in the past. Keep in mind that you're bigger and stronger than her, and both her mother, her own past experience, and everything one sees on tv tell her that men are emotionally unstable and capable of flipping out into violence at any time.

Very true. Not only are men bigger and stronger than women but man on woman violence always has absolutely no consequences for the man. This means that men commit acts of violence against women with total impunity. If only they would make violence against women illegal.

Then again, even if some miracle happened and they passed a law banning violence against women, it would make no difference since, as you said, men are emotionally unstable and therefore incapable of any long term planning or thinking about the consequences of their own actions.

Everything one sees on TV says this is so. And we should always believe the TV because everything the TV says is always true. /sarcasm

Doesn't need to be "violent."

I've seen enough men turn utterly nasty when rejected by women to know that it is a real concern.

Just like guys do. It's the same for both sexes. I'm sick of people saying "Why don't you just ask him/her out?" because both sexes risk making fools of themselves. No man or woman can just go up to someone they're crushing on and just ask them out. It risks making a scene.

Of course I'm not good at seeing little waves or sending them out myself. I try but sometimes girls don't notice them. Maybe I was doing it wrong or maybe this is no official right way to do it. As an aspie male it's hard for me but I accept it as a challenge. I don't expect all of society to change to suit me.

I'm so glad you had the /sarcasm at the end, I almost went on a tirade there...

As for the emotionally unstable thing, I blame the portrayal of men in popular culture. We no longer really have positive male role models for young boys to look up to, and American sitcoms nearly always portray men as useless, stupid man-children (because to display a woman as the "hilarious idiot" would draw the ire of feminists). As such, as a culture we've all but lost the idea of what an emotionally mature man looks like.

Indeed.

That first paragraph alone already had me up in arms.

Yeah, I was trying to explain through counter example that most men won't commit acts of violence against women, if not out of morality than at least out of self-preservation.

I was trying to explain that it's not in a man's own self-interest to commit violence against women. Male culture doesn't encourage violence towards women, it makes it very much taboo. If a man is foolish enough to hurt a woman, there are other men who will be more than willing to punish him.

Men will arrest him, men will try him. He could be tried by a male judge, male attorneys and a male jury while being restrained by a male bailiff and the result would be the same. He would end up guarded by male jailors.

So how can male culture be encouraging of violence towards women?

And how many men would commit such acts when it would lead to their own self-destruction?

I think like that a lot. I'm trying to break out of that habit but old habits die hard. I spend a lot of time thinking I'm depressed because I'm a loser. The reason I'm depressed is not because I'm a loser. The reason I'm depressed is because most of the time I think I'm a loser. Just because I didn't achieve this or that.

I'm trying to break the habit of thinking that all lives must adhere to a set pattern. When I try to copy other people's lifestyles or my rosy red perception of their lifestyles, I usually fail miserably. My best moments always come from doing things completely differently. My best acts are always of my own invention.I have never dated an attractive young woman. I've dated several young women, none of whom were attractive.This whole thread was started because I was mad at a girl who was rude to me when I asked her out. Instead of turning utterly nasty I created this thread. I wasn't mad at her rejecting me, I was mad at her for implying that I didn't have the right to ask.

I didn't foresee that in my absence this thread would run for 28 pages. I've seen a lot of vitreol from both sides and I'm surprised this thread wasn't locked about ten pages ago. I probably picked a poor title for this thread since clearly dating is a hard game for both sexes.

Sometimes it's difficult for both sexes for the same reasons. Since both sexes can be shy I wish the guys here would stop trying to say all problems would be solved if only the girls would do the asking. That's like robbing Peter to pay Paul.

What I've seen from both sides is a lack of awareness of the other sex. To quote Harper Lee, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

Yes it is achievable but sometimes it feels like I'm making no progress, like I don't know what to do next. That's the problem of dealing with chance. I'm far less shy than I used to be but I'm still shy. I still can't ask a girl out out of the blue. I feel like I'm bound by my own chains. I'm less inhibited than I used to be.

Yet I still have a really hard time asking girls out in meatspace. I still have little luck on dating sites. I keep talking to various Philippine girls. Some of them have no desire to leave their country but some of them do. I'm still very tempted by the idea. If I go through with it, I'm not sure how I'll explain to my family that without telling them I went to the registry and married a Philippine girl.True on all counts but I often have a hard time seeing it. It's all dependant on mood swings.

I just have to stop listening to people. The inner critic always echoes something someone said to me. When I think of how people have criticised me, I realize it's always because I didn't follow some extremely narrow path that just happens to be the one they took.

I think I should try to be less critical of people who didn't take my path. e.g. I will no longer pretend to be shocked when someone tells me they don't have a driver's license.Yes life isn't fair but what makes that hard for me to accept is when the achievers act like life is fair. When the achievers say they succeeded on a 100% level playing field and that other people failed on the same level playing field. When they say the succeeded solely due to their own virtue and that others failed solely due to a lack of virtue.

When they forget about their own privilege, it's easy for me to forget about their privilege too. When they say anyone can succeed if they try hard enough. This is not true. There are some people who through no fault of their own cannot succeed. They should not bear the blame for this.

You are right that I've suffered roadblocks. What makes it hard for me is that in our culture, we're supposed to ignore our own roadblocks. I've told people about my difficulties and they've said "stop making excuses" or "some other guy had the same problem and he still achieved X by age XX" or "so and so achieved this, what's your excuse?" I think that our culture that worships the underdog actually does a disservice to the underdog.In our culture we're encouraged to ignore those as well.

While millions struggle to find work, the wealthy among us often just join the family business. They then claim to have succeeded solely through hard work and virtue. Yes, assuming control of the family business is hard but these people never went to a job interview.

Then they chastise the unemployed for "refusing to work". I'm sure 99% of the unemployed are very much willing to work.Maybe I should but for a support forum it seems like most threads are supposed to be asking for solutions to some sort of problem (not that this one did). Also I feel like I already spend too much time boasting. I suppose my self-debasement is no better than boasting.True, I am not old. I just keep thinking of the fictional group narrative in our culture about how we should all have our first date at 14, have our first long term relationship at 17, get a bachelor's degree at 22, get a post-grad degree at 24 and buy our first home at 25. Just because my cousin got married when he was 26 that doesn't mean I have to.

I just think there's an idea in western culture that we're supposed to do everything when we're very young. Always at the earliest possible moment. In that case, what's left for the rest of our life? It's no better in Eastern cultures, where they're allowed to take the college entrance exam only once. If they don't get in when they're 17 or 18, they'll spend the rest of their life on the factory floor.I'm trying. I'm really trying. But I'm not always in my current cheerful mood. I can't always think rationally. I feel like I'm my own enemy, like my other side is trying to destroy me.

Two years ago when I was more severely depressed, I used to have moments of lucidity. I knew they wouldn't last and during those moments, I'd hope when my other side inevitably returned he wouldn't make me jump of a bridge. When my cousin announced his engagement the only thing that stopped me from driving down to the Seaford line bridge was an electrical failure in my car.

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 25 Dec 2015, 9:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Because rather a lot of male-on-female violence, particularly domestic violence and sexual assault, tends not to get reported - let alone prosecuted. It's violence men get away with.

In many parts of this world, this is very true. But what makes you so certain that this is the case in the US? That a lot of domestic violence against women by men is unreported?

Sadly this is true. Women are reluctant to leave their husbands because they would have nowhere to live if they left their husband's house. If only our outdated, patriarchal legal system didn't make it illegal for women to own land or sign a lease.

Women are even more reluctant to report their husbands because if they were arrested, the woman would lose her sole source of income. If only it was legal for women to have jobs, then they'd still have a source of income by themselves. /sarcasm

The nature of power is the ability to deflect responsibility(and accountability) onto those with less power and privilege than yourself. That's why successful people are able to convince others(and quite often themselves)that they deserve what they got to legitimize their privilege so that the society will protect their property and their status rather than have people gang up on them and try to take it from them.

Since they are the winners they don't believe they should have to justify to the losers why they succeeded instead of them. So they blame the losers for their failure because it makes them look good, their competitors look bad, and this further reinforces the social order that props them up.


And it isn't exclusively Western culture that dictates to people they should get everything done when they are young! That's common in many cultures and it's been that way for thousands of years because human life expectancy has increased dramatically in the last 50 years and people still haven't adjusted to it.


@Varelse: The OP is *not* obligated to "stop whining n tuffin up" because you find it annoying! Nobody is asking you to post ITT.
And if I ever catch you whining about the unfairness of life I'm gonna hold you to the same standard you hold him to. In short: DONT DISH IT OUT IF YOU CAN'T TAKE IT BACK.

Yes, I notice a lot of middle and upper class problems blaming the failing economy on the poor.

I don't think the economy is actually failing at the moment but if it was, I wouldn't blame on a group of people who have no control of the economy. Shouldn't we blame it on the people who hold most of the money?

The upper class have done a fine job of scapegoating their own mistakes and the middle class believes every word of it.


This is very true.Ahh, thanks but I think Varelse was only trying to help. I think you're trying to help also. Can't we all just get along?

well the number of girls out there who are aged 25 and older who have never had a girlfriend, never had a relationship, seems much smaller than the other way around, but like I said before, women probably whine less and complain about it less.

There are so many answers to that question, and I'm not even sure of the validity of even a quarter of them.

Though Scottish culture seems to have a more balanced/equal view of the genders, so I haven't really been spurned to look too deeply into the issue.



I've committed acts of violence against women in the name of self-defense/preservation.

In my personal opinion, women need to be made fully aware that while the vast majority of men will take their abuse, and beatings without complaint, some men most definitely will not, that they will defend themselves, and even fight back against their brutality, and their cruelty.