"You need to work on yourself!"

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It’s a real double standard on wp.
How women are treated compared to similar men.

Also most women who complain here about being single end up in relationships shortly later. Most men complaining stay single forever

Another trend I’ve notices is while when those women get relationships most disappear from wp, while most of the men who found a relationship stay and shame the remaining lonely men.

If I got a relationship I’d disappear myself unless I needed help with something that came up.

I think the difference is due to the fact that men feel more comfortable giving advice to other men because they

say what worked for them. They don't know what would work for a female so they don't give advice. There

are women here who are in relationships maybe I don't get advice because I put my questions on L&D and

few women go on there who are not single.

@Fluffysaurus: Any dating advice that I might give a woman could be misconstrued as either sexism or a come-on.

Try asking other women through PMs or the Women's Discussion sub-forum.

I agree with the old lizard on this this time, we don’t dare to give any dating advice to women anymore.
It just brings headache and drama.

Thanks, Boo.

All we can do is relate to other men what has worked for us, and hope that they stop spamming the website with the same tired old sad stories about their unrealized wet dreams.

The same advice that is relevant for ND men works for ND women too. Be yourself and don't learn NT based dating (and take no such advice either). Learn how to identify ND men. Perhaps the main issue for ND women is to beware of abusive and controlling men. This indeed has connections to be natural as the natural ND courtship solve all of those issues. After all, NDs of both genders strongly dislike being controlled, and unless they take bad advice, they will avoid such men

I don’t have a problem giving women advice, not even in public. I generally DON’T for 3 reasons: I rarely see any woman ask; I’m not a woman, so it’s difficult to relate exactly to the female experience; more men are asking AND it’s easy to relate as a man. I NEVER give advice on LGBTQ relationships—and no, I’m not going to explain why. Different dynamic, and that’s all that need be said.

Cis-hetero relationships operate on the same principles without regard for one being male or female. I’ve lately begun using Objectivist language in describing those relationships. The two questions I ask are: Do you value yourself? and Do you value your potential partner? How you ACT in life ultimately stems from how you respond to your own values. There’s very little advice I can give to men that’s not applicable to women and vice versa. Everything I ever learned about sex I got from women’s media. I basically took what magazines and trashy romances were telling women to do and reversed it.

Great example of role reversal in dating: she stops texting you. So after you wait a reasonable amount of time, you text her and say that she seems too busy for a bf right now and maybe you just need to hold off on dating and just be friends. That kind of thing makes girls nuts because guys NEVER do that. Girls are too well aware of their own value to have it trashed by a breakup. Yet it’s stupid to assume girls possess all the value in relationships when the guy has none. So men shouldn’t accept bad behavior any more than women would.

But if a girl said she was tired of “games” and being mistreated, I’d tell her to start playing games of her own. Men are going to do it anyway, and fair is fair. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty when they don’t feel guilty for doing the same exact thing.

Tired of waiting on him to make the first move? Go ahead and take the initiative. There’s no law saying you can’t ask a guy out. If I were a girl and I was getting impatient with a man, I’d say, “so...you gonna ask me out or what?” Because, trust me...if a woman approached ME that way, she’d have my full and undivided attention.

Experience and dating—I tell guys that if they they are caught in a mutually exclusive trap on dating/sex and experience, they owe their dates/partners NOTHING. If you think a man might reject you for being a virgin (TBH virgins are an acquired taste for men), then just don’t tell him. Real easy.

Very little advice I give is truly that gender-specific. The only thing that makes it complicated is dealing with social/cultural attitudes...like who pays for what, etc. Dating/relationships all boil down to people just getting what they want. So if you as a woman want to know what men want, start by asking what YOU want. Most every answer I have for pretty much everything is based on what I want and expect for myself. It’s been a couple of decades since I last heard any complaints.

In my opinion, there is never a reason to not work on yourself.

Everyone should. No one is perfect, but there is no reason to not strive to be the best you.

^Glad you're back

My mind just keeps attacking me and won't leave me alone. It keeps telling me that I've struck out because I missed out on learning romantic skills in my developmental years.

hale bopp is like the comet, she shines when she comes then disappears again for ages.

I don't think there can be a best version of myself. I am 30 and can't even get a f*****g coffee date which even teenagers can get without trying.

Well, you've gotta give women reasons to want to choose you over other guys if you want to be successful in dating. If getting with an independent man in good shape who works full-time with exceptional social skills is an option for them, you're just not going to be a very appealing option by comparison. You need to be able to demonstrate traits that women are attracted to in order to entice a woman into being your girlfriend, or even going on a date with you, and these traits need to in general be more than just personality traits, and certainly more than "but I'm a nice guy!" If you're going to worry about what you want and what you need out of a relationship without considering what women want in a romantic partner, and emulating those wants in your own way, you will probably be single for a very long time.

A relationship is give and take, and if you're only worried about what you want (take) and not worried about what you have to offer a prospective partner that would entice her to be more than friends with you (give), then you won't get far. Self-improvement is a great approach because generally by default, the more improvements you make, the more enticing you'll be to a prospective partner.

There can't be a best version of you, but there certainly can be a better version of you. And of course dating is much easier for NT teenagers than aspies.

The only thing you can do is work 10x as much as NTs do. Love is worth it.

Yeah, on a basic level I agree.


My position is you pretty much already ARE the best version of yourself. You're the ONLY version of yourself, and I think that's what matters the most.

TGI is right if you want to look at getting dates as a matter of manipulating people. That's what I agree with. I feel like the reality of it is, though, is a question over whether one SHOULD be manipulative in the way of getting dates. Oftentimes that's how the so-called "game" is played.

What you might find instinctively wrong with that is that a) other people have agency and are free to make their own decisions, and b) you're basically just trying to be someone you're not when you do that. Do you want to be sincere or do you want to be fake? Playing games is for entertainment. It has its place. In the long term, though, does someone love you for who you ARE or only for who you PRETEND to be?

If you REALLY, honestly, and truly believe that someone is worth changing for...well, I think that's an exercise in insanity. I'm sorry, but I feel that it is. It's just too much. But if someone thinks you're unattractive for, say, being out-of-shape, and it then occurs to you, hey, I need to be healthier because it's good for me to be healthy, THEN by all means change and "work on yourself." It's not to make someone else happy. It's to make yourself happy. And because you're doing things that HAPPEN to make you more attractive, people will see that you care and that you feel you're worth taking care of and that you'll take care of those around you. People, especially MOOS, are drawn to that, and it becomes attractive by default.

More than physical features, though, it's entirely a mindset. I've seen fat, stinky guys with women crawling all over them. Why? There was just something about these guys that transcended physical fitness and appearance. It was largely just being positive and self-confident. High self-esteem can go a long way to making things happen for you.

Every time I point out things like this, I feel the need to stress that NO, it does NOT mean women WILL come flocking to you. But it shouldn't ever be about that anyway. Are you a happy person? Are you satisfied with all your life has to offer you? Do you expect big and great things from your circle of influence? Do you hold yourself and others who depend on you (and even employ you) to a ridiculously high standard? When you've done something great, do you expect to be respected for what you've earned and what you deserve? It's a kind of mind-game, but getting into the habit of expecting much and acting on your expectations of yourself and others sets you up for more in terms of confidence and self-esteem. Those kinds of things are attractive features of people, and the most successful people out there consistently display these attributes. You might not be the next billionaire, but just look around at plain, old, regular people who have the kinds of things you want.

If you are ABLE to work for it, go for it. If you're NOT able, find something that you believe is worth your time and effort. It could be girls, if you're being honest with yourself, are just not worth THAT much to you.

For me, I'm experiencing a creative slump in which gigs are drying up left and right and I don't feel I'm getting the support I'm supposed to have in my department. There are times I have to face the fact that those people rejecting me just aren't worth trying to impress. So I've decided I'm not going to work to impress ANYONE. PERIOD. I'm going to do the dead level best job I possibly can at everything I do and let my work speak FOR me. If people want to get on board, let them get on board. If people do NOT want on board, I strongly advise them to get out of my way. It's THEIR choice.

Marknis just needs to do Marknis. Forget about these "girls." I didn't marry a girl...I married a woman. Any woman worth having is a woman who sees how valuable Marknis is. If that woman is out there for Marknis, she'll come to him. If not, then it just means there's not a single female out there good enough for him. If I were in his place right now, I'd take a little bit of well-earned pride in that fact.

Musically speaking--well, I'm fortunate enough to be married. I created an algorithm that generates music that helps my wife, who suffers from insomnia, get to sleep faster and stay asleep. I think it's beautiful music. I put a lot of work into it. If I were to make recordings and try to sell it, I'd be genuinely curious to see how well it performed on the commercial market. If I were to go that far, I'd expect it to do well. VERY well, because whatever I try to sell would be the very best of it's kind. The only thing holding me back is sound design--I'm weak in that area and just need time I can dedicate to synth programming. I might even be years out from getting it just right, and I'm gonna keep on trying. But even if I do make it, I can't force people to buy my music. If it didn't reach the audience I'd expect to reach, if they didn't see in my music what I know it to be worth and the kind of potential it has, then I would know that my wife, who DOES love my music, is the most valuable kind of audience that there is. I'd stop trying to sell my music, the reason being that then I would KNOW that the reason people aren't buying is because they can't afford it. But my wife CAN afford it. And that's an exclusive relationship I can be perfectly happy with. She's the only audience that really matters to me, anyway.

It's not that Marknis isn't worthy of love. It's just that there's nobody out there who believes she can really afford him. Marknis doesn't need to devalue himself to find these girls. He doesn't need to change a thing. He just needs to tell the world, "Hey, I'm still here. I'm available. I'm just waiting on YOU to make an offer." As long as Marknis keeps doing things that are productive and worthwhile, it COULD only be a matter of time.

That happens to a lot of people at 30. We realise or think that we are running out of time. I battle with it daily desperately wishing to turn back the clock. You can’t, we just have to try and make the good moments last.

Life isn’t a race, though it really feels like it is sometimes. Comparing yourself to others is the worst thing for depression.

I guess a lot of our lives purpose is to carve a way through to being okay with ourselves.

Easier said than done, I know. But you have to take the first step, and then the second, even if you fall back a few, pick back up in a few days. You can do it. Take it slowly. Do one thing every day that makes you feel like you’ve achieved something.

It might be a haircut, putting petrol in the car, or choosing a healthy meal over takeaways.