"You need to work on yourself!"

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I’m 31 soon it’s too late for me

At 31 you'll still only be a cub.

It's never too late for anybody.

I tried to socialize on the weekend but it was a disappointing experience. I kept falling into the background and was pretty much non-existent to the people I was trying to have conversations with.

I'm suddenly reminded of this guy I recently met who...well, who might be going off the deep end. This guy has some serious issues. He can be really up and charismatic, plus-A-Alpha type, likes to hear himself talk. Kinda like me. But then he'll just CRAAAAAAASH, and next thing you know he's begging for money and stuff. He's kinda bulldozed his way into my social circle, which isn't very open or large to begin with. And now he's acting like he owns the place. I'm getting some, I dunno, maybe hints of narcissism. He just has all these crazy stories about how he's so down on his luck but feels like he's home right here with us. And I get to hear about what all he's doing at the bars (I thought you needed some money?), about how he doesn't have a car, about which super nice hotel he's staying in...and I think the guy is actually homeless. I mean, I'm not one to judge, and I don't avoid homeless people just because they're homeless. But he's just OFF THE FREAKIN WALL. I'm not super protective of my social standing or my exclusive group of friends/coworkers. But I'm about ready to tell this guy to hit the road.

My mind CAN be changed. It's just right now this guy is getting on more than a few peoples' nerves, not just mine, and the "important" people I work with tend to have a short fuse and poor tolerance for his antics.

I don't think you're THAT guy, Marknis, and that's not what this is about. I'm just saying I'd much rather be around someone like you than someone who's self-appointed king of the proverbial hill and tries too hard. I'm more often more "in the background," and I make sure that the few things I have to say are positive and encouraging and situationally relevant. I get more good information just listening in on conversations among those around me. I'll say a few words if I'm asked, but I'm largely minimally participatory. I'm learning to recognize when I'm bothering someone, and I try not to follow people when they walk away. I don't mind being "non-existent" because, like I said, that's when people open up the most.

The trick to breaking into any group is regular presence. Don't worry too much about saying anything. Learn to enjoy hearing about what's going on "out there."

Oh...and I'm making a HUGE assumption here, and that is you actually care about hanging out in this particular crowd. Remember what I've been saying lately: if it's not what YOU want, it's not worth doing. Don't hang out with people you don't feel have anything to offer you. I run in musician circles, specifically church musicians. I don't do bars/clubs. I CAN, I just prefer not to. I tend to play classier gigs than that when I'm not at church. It's something that works for me. So when you come in bragging about how you went into a bar and it was like a Prince concert because you went around playing every instrument on stage, I tend not to be all that impressed. Why? Because I CAN play every instrument on stage. I'm glad you're that talented...guess what? I'm more talented than you! And I've moved past all that in my life. So I'm not sure why this particular guy has glommed onto me all of a sudden. But if you want my respect and admiration, you gotta do better than that. If you don't have anything to offer but you just like being around me AND you want me to be impressed by you, the trick is to use FEWER words. I don't enjoy being around people who are that full of themselves or get excited over things that really aren't that special or impressive. So calling me up wanting money or a ride isn't likely to yield positive results, not to mention the fact I'm not in a good position for generosity.

And not being delusional is good, too.

Like I said, I'm sure you're much more subdued than this guy and probably don't have NEARLY the issues (I'm withholding a lot of info, btw), fading into the background is probably actually the best tactic you can use. The thing is, you're never alone. I'm a background person, too. Chances are the more you work on socializing, the more "background" people you'll meet. Over time you'll have your own crowd of background people. Not meaning to unfairly get your hopes up, but in that background you might find some redneck girl who's only redneck because that's all anyone ever expected her to be, not because that's who she really is.

You're doing ok by getting out and trying to socialize at all. You're doing it right, don't worry. Keep at it.

Hugs

I am just glad goldfish can't tell me to work on myself anymore. His advice never would've worked for me anyway because I don't live near a nude beach like he does and he's only interested in screwing because the idea of committing to a single person is too much for him since he won't be able to screw anymore.

I don’t get what’s so bad about working on yourself. Clearly you aren’t happy with the way you are, so why wouldn’t you want to?

It’s not to say change who you are, but learn new things, try new ways.

It's not so much I think it's a bad thing. My mind just keeps telling me I am too "damaged" to ever improve. Even the people who tell me there is nothing wrong with me as far as being able to have a relationship still think I need to work on myself.

I have already told you what the issue is, more than a few times.

But you seem to want to ignore the exit-door I pointed out next to your hamster-wheel, and just keep running on your hamster-wheel.

The problem isn't with you - you need to [save a small amount of money] and relocate, and seek out a woman who is intelligent.

- If you stay where you are, and keep approaching women who are dumb-dumbs and keep doubting yourself (when the problem isn't you) then you are going to be on this forum 10 years from now, still complaining about the same stuff.

Life isn't that complex. This is getting ridiculous.

There are ways to master this existence we live in.

I haven't approached a woman since 2017 and why would I purposefully approach women who I thought were stupid? Are you implying I don't like intelligent women? If you are, that is simply untrue.

Wish I could live where these dumb dumbs. Live. I don’t mind less intelligent people.
Problem is my area everyone expects a man to be college educated and make lots of money.
Pretty much all women here go to college. Haven’t met one who hasn’t, or isn’t going to.

I hate stupid people. They rebel against common sense, encourage anti-intellectual behavior, harm both inoccent humans and non-humans, and create cycles that continue to perpetuate their stupidity.

Is it just me - or is it ironic in here?

Some of the most mean most evil people were and are super intelligent.
Intelligence isn’t basis of morality.

As someone I’ve seen on YouTube says. I’d trust most stupid people to jump into a river to save a drowning puppy, couldn’t say same for intelligent people.

Maybe you shouldn’t see yourself as better then others, maybe that’s why they don’t date you. I knew this guy who felt he was above everyone else and acted so all cause he was smart

Where did I say I thought I was better than others? You have a terrible habit of jumping to conclusions. Sure, intelligence doesn't always translate to morality but that doesn't change the fact the people I see do the aforementioned things in the culture I live in are still stupid.

That YouTuber sounds like an idiot. How did he arrive to that conclusion? I've seen intelligent people save animals from rising waters during bad weather while the rednecks stayed inside their homes.

I look up to people like William Gibson, not Ted Nugent. I also don't suffer from societal brainwashing that leads me to think that anything non-Christian is "evil" or "weird".