My gf seems to be bothered that I am 'white and privileged'.

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Aspie1
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09 Mar 2022, 7:45 pm

ironpony wrote:
I don't recall apologizing or saying get out if don't like it, I was more in between and just said well that my perspective on it and I need more than just theories or hunches to buy into what she believes.
The first best way to win the relationship game is the LTR equivalent of Operation Shock and Awe from the 2003 Iraq War. The second best way to win is to be single and not play the game at all. But the way you described yourself, it's an honestly-earned bronze medal. You unapologetically told her your views, and refused to accept her liberal "hunches"; the rest is on her. I'd say you did well. After all, very few of us aspie men are aggressive fighters, so we can't always fight for ourselves when our LTR's demand it. Still, be prepared to kick her out of your life and move on, should she test you again later on, perhaps harder.

ironpony wrote:
Oh who's advice was that specifically, you are referring to, not that I am trying to single anyone out.
He was referring to me. :wink:



Benjamin the Donkey
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09 Mar 2022, 10:57 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Hmmm never thought about it from that perspective. Yes she could be testing him? quite plausible. But she has been sleeping with the OP for sometime and is keen on him so it would seem odd to test him now unless she is in a phase where she wants to see if this relationship can stand the test of time.
Different kind of tests. You're thinking of "getting to know you" tests. I was talking about tests where a woman provokes a man she's with to see how well he stands up for himself. Her level of attraction will change based on whether he passes or fails the tests, per the evolutionary biology. Things like "white privilege", Biden Flu, looting, and other leftist crap are just easy pretexts for the tests. And they're easy because of how divisive they are.

I made my opinion about this relationship clear: All I see in store for the OP is misery.

I thought the topic was "love and dating" not "Trump-cult talking points."


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ironpony
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10 Mar 2022, 12:02 am

Aspie1 wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I don't recall apologizing or saying get out if don't like it, I was more in between and just said well that my perspective on it and I need more than just theories or hunches to buy into what she believes.
The first best way to win the relationship game is the LTR equivalent of Operation Shock and Awe from the 2003 Iraq War. The second best way to win is to be single and not play the game at all. But the way you described yourself, it's an honestly-earned bronze medal. You unapologetically told her your views, and refused to accept her liberal "hunches"; the rest is on her. I'd say you did well. After all, very few of us aspie men are aggressive fighters, so we can't always fight for ourselves when our LTR's demand it. Still, be prepared to kick her out of your life and move on, should she test you again later on, perhaps harder.

ironpony wrote:
Oh who's advice was that specifically, you are referring to, not that I am trying to single anyone out.
He was referring to me. :wink:


Well actually she has been a lot more affectionate towards me lately, so maybe this is a good thing and passing the tests is good and now I don't need to worry, since I passed? Or will this continue to bother her most likely, even though she has been much more affectionate lately?



Aspie1
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10 Mar 2022, 6:41 am

ironpony wrote:
Well actually she has been a lot more affectionate towards me lately, so maybe this is a good thing and passing the tests is good and now I don't need to worry, since I passed? Or will this continue to bother her most likely, even though she has been much more affectionate lately?
Praise yourself for passing her tests, and enjoy the rewards. You acted like a strong man, so she's reacting accordingly. But don't let your guard down---you were tested before, and you'll be tested again, just under a different pretext. If not "white privilege", the something else; maybe your province's new referendums, or electric cars, or whatever. It's just the reality of straight relationships for men, and there's no way around it. At least you don't live with her, so you don't have to worry about being tested 24/7.

That said, once you get good at spotting and passing tests, it'll become second nature for you, like masking---the autism kind, not the Biden kind---and it'll feel easy. That is, something you do automatically, like knowing when to speak up and when to shut up. So your girlfriend's tests will more like a tolerable nuisance than an ominous threat.



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10 Mar 2022, 8:12 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Hmmm never thought about it from that perspective. Yes she could be testing him? quite plausible. But she has been sleeping with the OP for sometime and is keen on him so it would seem odd to test him now unless she is in a phase where she wants to see if this relationship can stand the test of time.
Different kind of tests. You're thinking of "getting to know you" tests. I was talking about tests where a woman provokes a man she's with to see how well he stands up for himself. Her level of attraction will change based on whether he passes or fails the tests, per the evolutionary biology. Things like "white privilege", Biden Flu, looting, and other leftist crap are just easy pretexts for the tests. And they're easy because of how divisive they are.

I made my opinion about this relationship clear: All I see in store for the OP is misery.

I thought the topic was "love and dating" not "Trump-cult talking points."

I have failed. I was trying to make it about Ayn Rand talking points. :lol:

Objectivist love and relationships are great topics, btw. You’d be amazed how many relationships fail because of self-haters. Only through rational self-interest is it possible to understand the true value of another human being. If you consider yourself worth nothing as the self-haters do, you have nothing to offer someone who is worth everything to you. The best relationships are not founded on sacrifice and compromise, but meaningful exchange.

The OP’s relationship, whilst somewhat skewed, survives because his gf gains status and upward mobility from dating someone she perceives as privileged, not to mention she allows herself the advantage of being open minded to possibilities outside her culture and improved genetic adaptability of her offspring. The OP gets…well, I’m not sure what he gets, exactly, but obviously he enjoys her company. So while I think she’s wrongheaded about her views on race and privilege, certain key elements of her relational decisions are objectively on point. Ayn Rand would generally approve. :lol:



ironpony
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10 Mar 2022, 9:21 am

Oh okay thanks. I enjoy her company as well as other activities that are fun to do with her.

Well another thing is, she believes the white race to be oppressors in a general sense, but aren't white people oppressed too? Maybe not by other races specifically but still oppressed?

For example, I'm of Scottish, German and Ukrainian descent in my heritage. The Scottish people were oppressed from the English for a good period of time in history, and the Ukrainians have had a long history of being oppressed by the Soviet Union and Russians.

So are those cases of my ancestors being oppressed as well (accept maybe Germany unless I dig back far enough maybe), or are my ancestors oppression not nearly as equals as her and it's not a fair argument?



kraftiekortie
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10 Mar 2022, 9:53 am

There has been much "oppression" done to many ethnic groups, social classes of people, women, etc., throughout history.

I don't feel it's a good thing that there's an "Oppression Olympics" going on.

We have to fight the oppression, and we have to move on from the oppression.



ironpony
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10 Mar 2022, 9:55 am

Oh yes for sure, those are good points. I just wonder if my gf was being contradictory in the sense, that my ancestors have been oppressed to, so maybe she is not seeing that in her own debate?



kraftiekortie
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10 Mar 2022, 9:58 am

Your girlfriend should probably read more about history.....

It would be a farce if somebody would tell a white homeless person in the street to "check your privilege."

I understand what the "white privilege" theorists are trying to say. There still is "institutional racism" which continues to keep minorities "down"----because of history, and because of (much) continued racism.

But it's one of many "oppressions"---both historical and presently occurring.

Instead of focusing solely upon this type of oppression, we should be focusing on ALL oppression. We should not assume ANYBODY is an oppressor based upon the person's familial background. We have to move forward from this.



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10 Mar 2022, 5:41 pm

ironpony wrote:
Oh yes for sure, those are good points. I just wonder if my gf was being contradictory in the sense, that my ancestors have been oppressed to, so maybe she is not seeing that in her own debate?


Why do you need to correct her. Let her find out for herself. Maybe keep politics out of the relationship.



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11 Mar 2022, 2:14 am

Oh well I try to keep it out but she is the one who brings it up from time to time.

Also, I don't understand why some people choose to believe in theories if the theories have wholes in them such as in this case. But it's not just that. I have a friend who believes that 9/11 was an American inside job, even though his theories have wholes in them, and I also have two friends who believe the moonlanding was faked, even though there are holes in their theory.

I just don't understand how a person, can believe so strongly in a theory that doesn't hold together. Is there a reason why people do that?



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11 Mar 2022, 3:04 am

ironpony wrote:
I just don't understand how a person, can believe so strongly in a theory that doesn't hold together. Is there a reason why people do that?


This is a conversation you should be having with your g/f. Not random people on the internet. If it's bugging you then get her to open up about her beliefs and see for yourself what motivates her (rather than continuing to speculate)



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13 Mar 2022, 2:29 am

I can do that. I haven't been able to see her as much because of our job schedules, but I can, yes, good point. Thanks.

Well there is one thing that makes me think. When choosing a gf, especially for a serious long term relationship, should I be basing my decisions off of passion or logic?

For example, my current gf do not have the most things in common and there are differences. She has some different politics than me and she is a difference age generation than me, so there are those differences. The reason why I picked her as a gf is because there was a lot of passion and we have a lot of fun.

There was a woman early last year that I ended up stopped seeing after a few dates, but logically she would have been perfect me in terms of pure logic in the sense, that we had everything in common. We had so much in common to the point where I thought it was too predictable, and thus felt kind of boring to an extent. So I ended up breaking it off as a result.

But now I wonder now what is more important in how you choose a long term potential partner? Should I choose based on passion or logic, if that makes sense?



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13 Mar 2022, 2:49 am

ironpony wrote:
But now I wonder now what is more important in how you choose a long term potential partner? Should I choose based on passion or logic, if that makes sense?


It sounds like this girl is giving you a lot of happiness when you two meet. But it sounds like you haven't had experience actually living with her. Living with somebody is much different. and you will have to accommodate the age/political differences which is going to be challenging when you are around each other 24-7.

If the sex is good and you both mutually enjoy each others company then why not just keep it casual for the moment?



ironpony
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13 Mar 2022, 2:53 am

Oh are we just casual now? I thought we were more serious than casual since we agreed to be exclusive, unless I am wrong perhaps.



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13 Mar 2022, 3:19 am

ironpony wrote:
Oh well I try to keep it out but she is the one who brings it up from time to time.

Also, I don't understand why some people choose to believe in theories if the theories have wholes in them such as in this case. But it's not just that. I have a friend who believes that 9/11 was an American inside job, even though his theories have wholes in them, and I also have two friends who believe the moonlanding was faked, even though there are holes in their theory.

I just don't understand how a person, can believe so strongly in a theory that doesn't hold together. Is there a reason why people do that?



Some people are simply… not so smart.