Majority of autistuc men dont have a girlfriend?

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Thank you.
I am very nice, if I do say so myself.
Unfortunately being nice makes many women vulnerable.

Geez Thelma , that's a good point.

I wrote a post somewhere the other day about the fact I kept my abuse secret from my dad.
I was terrified he'd find out and make matters worse by not restraining himself.

Sometimes women have to deal with this s**t on their own.

Yeah, I can relate. My parents still don’t know what I experienced apart from some child abuse. Part of that is because I was worried they’d blame me. It’s complicated and related to religion.

It’s really hard carrying this stuff alone and not having support.

Not everyone lives in the US.

But further, not everyone is willing to use violence to protect themselves. The problem isn't with people who don't carry guns or with pacifists, it's with the people who impose violence.

You're shifting the onus from the perpetrators of violence to the victims when the perpetrators are the problem. You're also making assumptions about dynamics that are unreasonable. Women have been charged after 'standing their ground' against abusive partners.

The last issue is with assuming that inflicting lethal violence in self-defence never has it's own extra-legal costs as well. Not everyone is mentally capable of inflicting deadly force and some people who are in a situation where they feel obliged to end up regretting it. Not everyone who has an abusive partner wants to bear the responsibility for having ended that person's life, not to mention having to deal with the friends and loved ones of that person.

It's a really narrowminded and ignorant view to act like well, you can just kill 'em with your gun is an appropriate or understanding response to the issue of the sorts of risks women worry about that men never (or rarely) do.

Most women don’t take their fathers (or mothers) along with them on dates.
My dad was physically abusive although he’s much better than my grandfathers. Geez Louise.[/quote]

They don't, but they can ask for guidance and call or text at a certain time to make sure you're ok.
And I've noticed when I'm bought a counter argument, personal experiences are bought up. When I bring up arguments, I try to exclude my experiences because I'm talking about overall averages of what is. Also I like speaking about this to this forum; everyone is very intellectual.

You mean you weren't fine with your dad being a good dad and ruining his life?

Also, are you sure your dad ruining his life wouldn't have undone the trauma you were experiencing, rather than adding additional trauma?

I thought killing people fixed everything.

Then how would you solve the problem since you said I'm considered "narrowminded?"

Last edited by Graves Knight on 23 Jul 2024, 12:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

I feel like overthinking everything is a pretty typical autistic symptom, so it's a good place for having one's ideas picked apart.

I'm sorry you've had to be so alone, TP. I hope you'll continue opening up to your brother, even if it's in baby steps (not because he's a man but because you're so close, and you trust him).

I thought my dad would have a heart attack first and foremost, but he'd take action before I had a safety plan.

This is one hell of a depressing thread but I'm glad it's being said.
I hope people realize dating is hard for EVERYONE, not just virgin men.

I'm in a relationship with a man I consider beyond "good", but even that is tremendously difficult.
I can't imagine any relationship being smooth sailing especially for autistics.

People usually don’t have time to talk in the midst of violence. Fathers ability to protect really doesn’t extend that far, and it shouldn’t need to.

Are you saying that people shouldn’t talk about their experiences related to this topic?

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 23 Jul 2024, 12:08 am, edited 2 times in total.

I would start by acknowledging that the concerns are valid, rather than dismissing them as overused talking points.

I'd also acknowledge that victim blaming can't provide a solution.

I'm not sure I can offer a complete solution; but that doesn't mean oversimplifying things until an easy solution starts to sound feasible offers an actual solution either. That's the problem with underinformed why doncha just... solutions to complex problems, they resonate with people who aren't willing to acknowledge how complicated a problem is but those people tend to have no interest in understanding the entire problem because that tends to make those over-simplified solutions no longer sound feasible.

I don't need to be able to offer a silver bullet solution where one will never exist to recognize that a specific silver bullet solution being offered is crap.

Well put.

Yeah, this knight-in-shining-armour / protector thing has to go.

Men can't be women's abusers and saviours at the same time.
It's not like our lives revolve around men even though they like to think so.

At some point it would be great just to be considered sovereign human beings.

These are really good points. If there was a simple solution, we would’ve found it already. Violence against women (or anyone) is a complex, multi-faceted issue. We’re making strides, I believe, especially since there’s more awareness now. I think changing values have helped in various ways too, especially when it comes to domestic violence, but it’s still a huge problem that’s not going away any time soon.

Are you saying that people shouldn’t talk about their experiences related to this topic?

You can but not everyone is going to have your life exactly to the bone. It's uniquely your life; not the rule. Support groups that can relate to those issues is the best place to share those experiences. I can't relate to anything that's happened to you, but you can't really relate to me on my experiences. Which is why I exclude my experiences unless personally asked.

Given the fact that sexual violence is such a big problem in the autistic community as per the evidence I cited earlier, it’s worth discussing here on an autism support forum. I have received a lot of support from folks here that’s meant a lot to me, especially over the past year and a half.

Apart from that, it’s probably good for others to see female concerns related to this topic if they otherwise seem to be dismissive or solely see things from a male point of view. While not all women experience rape or domestic violence, we all know people who have. Our concerns are valid. Incorporating research is good, and we’ve done that, but it seems like folks often don’t get it when it’s solely talked about in an abstract way.

Yes, the world can't be completely fixed with policy's and it's quite complex. We can't fix crazy but we can protect ourselves from it through awareness.

Last edited by Cornflake on 23 Jul 2024, 5:32 am, edited 1 time in total.: Fixed quote tag