Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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monsterland
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09 Jan 2010, 5:12 pm

Quote:

If your dieing inside to express how much you miss her then you'd better hold your breath, because she'd probably be better off not hearing it, she might find it sweet, but her interest will drop a tad.

This is actually a bit of a different topic. Sensitivity is fine; codependency is really the devil in a relationship.

To be sensitive without getting irritant OR needy, that's the development goal of a sensitive person, IMO ... you can't get rid of the innate sensitivity, but you can polish off the things that make it turn "bad".

lewdi28792
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10 Jan 2010, 7:27 pm

Shebakoby wrote:

There's no available 'nice guys' here that would have even the remotest interest in me.

if you were a little closer in distance to me - i would take you out on a date so we can see which way it goes from there.

lewdi28792
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10 Jan 2010, 7:32 pm

but i do have a question that is kinda related to the topic - how shallow are autie/aspie women compared to NT ones? i am asking because i am in the process of filling in the paperwork so i can take courses with a brick and morter non-profit that deals especially with auites and aspies in reading body language, emotions, and non-verbal cues(all of which i need help on). plus i feel kinda like i would be better off with an aspie if she is not a gold-digger or a ''size queen'', i just want to be loved and wanted and needed for me alone.

also, with the same brick and morter - im going to be helping them out with autie and aspie research.

Loli-kun
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10 Jan 2010, 11:58 pm

Yeah I can see this making sense. I'm definitely what would be called a "nice guy" though I like everyone have my uniqueness. I end up not as the boyfriend but being seen as "one of the girls" by my female friends, and since all of my friends minus one or two are LGBTQ I can say that as a fact. The good thing though about the "nice guy" is that whichever lucky girl ends up with him is going to be with him and happy with that for a long time.

_________________
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(Excerpt From "Alone" By E.A. Poe)

lewdi28792
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11 Jan 2010, 1:03 am

Loli-kun wrote:

yea i guess.

Salonfilosoof
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11 Jan 2010, 3:59 am

Loli-kun wrote:

It seems that women are only interested in us as long as there's no romance involved. My two best friends are a lesbian couple, so I really see where you're coming from.

And yes, I've had girlfriends. They just lost interest once they got to know me better

Loli-kun
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11 Jan 2010, 7:28 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Loli-kun wrote:

Yeah that about sums it up! I've never even been on a date lol. Though recently I've been having better luck with people in general, and I might have a girlfriend in the near future. I'm basically considered "one of the girls" with several of my friends. 2 of which are lesbians (actually a couple) and 2 that are bi and both in relationships.

_________________
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(Excerpt From "Alone" By E.A. Poe)

Salonfilosoof
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11 Jan 2010, 7:42 am

Loli-kun wrote:

I'm basically considered "one of the girls" with several of my friends. 2 of which are lesbians (actually a couple) and 2 that are bi and both in relationships.

You should be glad you at least have SOME straight female friends. I don't know any straight woman I would consider a friend.

The irony is that my best friend told me she would probably be married to me if only she was attracted to men. That's how much I connect with her.

Sometimes I feel like a lesbian in a male body.....

Loli-kun
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11 Jan 2010, 8:16 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Loli-kun wrote:

I'm basically considered "one of the girls" with several of my friends. 2 of which are lesbians (actually a couple) and 2 that are bi and both in relationships.

Sometimes I feel like a lesbian in a male body.....

I'll agree with that last line! I had a friend like that when I was younger. She is straight but moved away when we were 10, and she's married now and has a daughter. One of my friends and I are actually planning a girls night for after we go back to college in a week or so which just shows how much I'm considered one of the girls.

_________________
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(Excerpt From "Alone" By E.A. Poe)

Salonfilosoof
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11 Jan 2010, 8:26 am

Loli-kun wrote:

Doesn't any of these women know any single straight women of around your age? If you have that many female friends, I find it peculiar none of them has tried to hook you up with one of their friends. My lesbian friends may not know any single straight women who might be interested, but instead they're helping me become more attractive to single women by teaching me pick-up lines, fashion guidelines, structure for getting my household work done and even just feeling comfortable addressing single straight women I haven't met before....

Female friends are very useful for meeting other females. Use them wisely :wink:

Loli-kun
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11 Jan 2010, 8:34 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Loli-kun wrote:

Well first off all of my friends are anywhere from 1.5-5 years younger then me. Second my personality is so feminine that to people who don't know me I come off as gay. Third besides 1 of them all of my female friends are from out of state since they are all from my college. They have been helping me with fashion though. and my household chore skills are actually quite good since my parents have had my sister and I helping with chores since we were 5 or 6. I can do laundry, dishes, iron, mop, sweep, clean the bathroom, vacuum, dust, etc etc etc...

_________________
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(Excerpt From "Alone" By E.A. Poe)

Salonfilosoof
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11 Jan 2010, 9:31 am

Loli-kun wrote:

Well first off all of my friends are anywhere from 1.5-5 years younger then me.

Most men I know have a girlfriend of 1.5-5 years younger than them, so that sounds perfect.

Loli-kun wrote:

Second my personality is so feminine that to people who don't know me I come off as gay.

That's positive. Most women are attracted to either very sensitive and feminised men or to "alpha male" macho men. While women tend to be less attracted sexually to the first kind than to the second kind (women are biologically inclined to like macho men most), feminised men do have an advantage over men who don't belong in either category (like myself).

Loli-kun wrote:

Third besides 1 of them all of my female friends are from out of state since they are all from my college. They have been helping me with fashion though. and my household chore skills are actually quite good since my parents have had my sister and I helping with chores since we were 5 or 6. I can do laundry, dishes, iron, mop, sweep, clean the bathroom, vacuum, dust, etc etc etc...

If you're going to the same college, then go to activities organised by fraternities/sororities and take your friends with you. Use them to spot women who may be interested in you or give hints regarding pick-up lines and don't give up if the first few times end up in failure.

Loli-kun
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11 Jan 2010, 9:52 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Loli-kun wrote:

Well first off all of my friends are anywhere from 1.5-5 years younger then me.

Most men I know have a girlfriend of 1.5-5 years younger than them, so that sounds perfect.

Loli-kun wrote:

Second my personality is so feminine that to people who don't know me I come off as gay.

Loli-kun wrote:

State college so no fraternities/sororities allowed. Thats not really my thing anyway, I really need to know someone before I'll even consider asking them out. At the moment I'm chatting with a girl I met online who lives about an hour from my college. We've yet to meet in person but thats been talked about, and we've yet to find much we don't have in common. She's 5 years younger then me which in my case could be a problem appearance wise. Neither of us have a problem with it but the fact that she just turned 17 could be troublesome.

_________________
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(Excerpt From "Alone" By E.A. Poe)

Salonfilosoof
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11 Jan 2010, 10:19 am

Loli-kun wrote:

State college so no fraternities/sororities allowed. Thats not really my thing anyway,

Americans..... In my country, every university has its fraternities/sororities and they're never gender-split.

Anyway, it's not my thing either but I've been told that where I live it's the best place to look for a partner in real life if you're 20-something.

Loli-kun wrote:

I really need to know someone before I'll even consider asking them out. At the moment I'm chatting with a girl I met online who lives about an hour from my college. We've yet to meet in person but thats been talked about, and we've yet to find much we don't have in common. She's 5 years younger then me which in my case could be a problem appearance wise. Neither of us have a problem with it but the fact that she just turned 17 could be troublesome.

Try it and find out for yourself if it works out. I met most of my ex-girlfriends this way and it always worked out for at least 3 months. I haven't been able to find Ms. Right online, though

Loli-kun
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11 Jan 2010, 10:24 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Loli-kun wrote:

State college so no fraternities/sororities allowed. Thats not really my thing anyway,

Loli-kun wrote:

Try it and find out for yourself if it works out. I met most of my ex-girlfriends this way and it always worked out for at least 3 months. I haven't been able to find Ms. Right online, though

Yeah thats what I'm doing lol. I'm not looking for short term so the fact that this girl has yet to have a relationship that lasted less then 6months is good. We've videochatted quite a bit as well so now all we are doing is getting to know eachother more before meeting in person. Yeah find "the one" is probably the hardest thing in the world! Online is great though since its easier to find people with stuff in common!

_________________
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(Excerpt From "Alone" By E.A. Poe)

Salonfilosoof
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11 Jan 2010, 10:30 am

Loli-kun wrote:

The downside of meeting women online is that they may be attracted to your personality but turned off by your body language. Even with videochat that's not entirely unavoidable.

Another downside is that in my experience many women interested in meeting men online are either quite desperate or emotionally unstable. If you're really looking for something long term, you'll need a girl/woman who's mentally stable.

Finally.... Avoid fixating yourself on one person as long as you're single. Try to avoid seeing her as the only woman who can and will love you. The more dependent you are on her, the weaker a position you take and the more likely your heart will be broken in the future.

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