What is the main reason why guys have to do the approaching?

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In iceland the women do the approaching.. and they do the heavy drinking too...

i love it how, women here keep telling all these guys here who never ever been out a date ever. That aspie/autism women also have it hard when comes to dating but yet all the women who keep saying this are either A- in a relationship or B- has been in a least two relationships.

what one lady here had like what 75 dates, like gee wiz, that lebron james area,ma'am,. Im just laughing about it.
dang, If meet any of these ladies here I would buy them some coffee or whatever they like to drink because they make me feel so sorry for them, for their ''hardship in dating'' I need to meet you ladies,damn. I could be number 76 on the list,ha.

I love how easily you dismiss any effort I made... at least it has potential as comic fodder.
(Then again, you couldn't admit that a girl might have actually have *made an effort* because then that would ruin your entire theory, wouldn't it?)

Do you think that those 75 just felt into my lap? The exact opposite - I put in a lot of work to make them happen - half of which was online.
The 75 is the number who agreed to a date over a 2 year period - I have no idea of how many I asked (and I did do a lot of asking) to get that, but it was many, many, many times that number.
I don't see the people who are complaining doing that - not even by online.

You're not getting them because you're not making a serious effort.
Asking one girl - or even 15 and getting rejected is how many most guys will ask in 1 year - now add that up over their lives.
That's why they are getting sex, girls and relationships - not because they are "better" than you, it's because they are putting effort in.
It's a numbers game and they understand that - you can't win at something if you refuse even to try.

Analogy:
It's like someone complaining that they aren't a CEO when they won't even bother to go to an interview.
You can't get any job if you refuse to do the most basic parts like responding to the ad or going to the interview.
Yet most people here are not even responding to ads - yet complaining they are not a CEO yet.

^^^Yes. God yes. A thousand times, yes.

People assume that anyone who's had a bit of success with dating must just have an easy time of it. Not taking into account, at all, the work that went into getting that success. It's insulting.

The unsuccessful people talk like they're the only ones who understand rejection when the fact is that most of the people who have had some success only got to that point by being willing to experience 1000x more rejection.

^^^
*facepalm*

Way to miss the point.
I don't have the ability to go up and talk to any random stranger - I am still aspie.
I did not approach them randomly - I was in an enviroment I was comfortable in for my hobby where we have a community of our own of sorts, where I talk to a wide range of people (everyone - young, old, male, female) when I am not actually doing the said hobby. How better than to connect with people when you usually have trouble than by your special interest or a hobby? Some of them talked to me, some I talked to. Focusing on improving my social skills took care of most of the rest. Yes I had to do some asking, but it wasn't difficult - because you're just getting to know a person and aren't putting expectations on it. You're not asking them to marry you. There is no reason to project and make it more difficult than it needs to be for yourself.

Half of them you met online? Meeting just one person via online is extremely difficult for guys including NTs.

some men can't even speak to a woman. How in the f---- are these shy,aspie men suppose to get dates when they can't even talk to a woman. now I go up and talk to alot of women, and the odds are in my favor, because I could just go up and talk to a woman and she might just like me. Yes, I know odd number games. more ladies a man talks to, the more likely he gets a dates.

You know, none of you ladies will ever know what it's like to be a shy aspie male ever. Men will go up and talk to you.
Women very rarely go up and talk to a shy aspie male.
For the woman who said she put in the effort in meeting men, that good. Good for you but I like I said, these men can't even do that.
And no offensive to the shy men here but even I am better with women then these men are.

Men aren't the only ones with selective mutism, or who freeze.
I managed to overcome my own mutism for the first time this year - it's never easy but it can be done.
Probably one of the hardest things I have ever done - but it can be done.

[quote="Kjas"]^^^
*facepalm*

Way to miss the point.
I don't have the ability to go up and talk to any random stranger - I am still aspie.
I did not approach them randomly - I was in an enviroment I was comfortable in for my hobby where we have a community of our own of sorts, where I talk to a wide range of people (everyone - young, old, male, female) when I am not actually doing the said hobby. How better than to connect with people when you usually have trouble than by your special interest or a hobby? Some of them talked to me, some I talked to. Focusing on improving my social skills took care of most of the rest. Yes I had to do some asking, but it wasn't difficult - because you're just getting to know a person and aren't putting expectations on it. You're not asking them to marry you. There is no reason to project and make it more difficult than it needs to be for yourself. (quote)

. I talk to alot of ladies at the gym and at my adult group class. One of these days, I could go up and talk to a woman who might like me, enough about me.
For men who suffer from shyness. It would not matter if they join club or not. many of these shy aspie men will never,ever get over their disabilty or shyness. That good that you meet some nice people. Im very happy for. But you are no where near the level of these shy aspie men are. All Im saying is you do not have ''dating problem'' the same way these shy aspie men do.

I think that it is pretty self defeatist to say things along the lines of men just not being able to talk to women. It would be more helpful to be rid of that kind of thinking altogether. That, and realizing women aren't all that different from men. Sure, there are differences, just as there are between races and other groups, but on a very basic level we are all the same in that we are all human. Instead of seeing a woman, I see a person just like you or me with all the same capacity or ability to have their own thoughts and feelings and opinions; etc., and it is important to accommodate for that regardless of how you may differ. Even if you don't see another person as a sex object, I think that it is still quite close to a kind of objectification if you only see them as a potential wife or girlfriend, or even just a women, and it is wrong to expect the to fill a role like that.

On the topic of putting effort in, I find it a bit crazy to see how many people some have asked out. I don't know if it's just where I live or the kind of people I grew up around, or if taking this method is just more common for us than it is for NT's, but from what I've seen, most relationships seemed to have a much more natural progression than anything so systematic. You could say that maybe I just don't want to put the effort in, but I'm afraid that if I tried to do this, I would start to no longer see these people as human and only focus on how I can manipulate someone into dating me, rather than just finding someone I click with. It sounds wrong to be able to sift through people and throw them out like trash if things don't work. Going through so many people so quickly seems to me it would make me question why any of them would have been so special to me in the first place.

I am never going to get over my disablity or my shyness, or my mutism, or my freezing problem either.
It's there to stay - for life.

That does not mean that it has to control my life. I refuse to let it.
There are ways you can make it easier for yourself - by working with yourself instead of against yourself in situational terms, and still pushing yourself and making an effort personally.

I honestly think this is more about fear of rejection than anything.
They have options. They can try online dating like I mentioned before - most of the communication is written, by email, PM or IM - they can email for weeks or months if they need to, until they can get the courage to speak on the phone - and they can stick to the phone until they have enough courage to go to a first meeting - there are some women who you probably appreciate a slow approach like that, because it means they are getting to know them as people first. If they are part of forums already, then that is a valid way too - there are relationships that have happened from this forum between posters. Hobbies are always a good way to go - if you are involved in the hobby then you are making yourself more apprachable, since you already have something in common.

Maybe many men can't approach women (really? where do you get that statistic from). But you miss the point yet again; approaching women is just another skill that can be learnt. It must be pretty convenient to you, to sit around and complain about how the world should be, how things should be, what women should do, but if you really want success, as it has been said before, you need to go and get it. I've been consciously practicing my social interaction skills since I was 16, women being a subset of that (talking with other guys is hard on it's own, too) and even now I can't say I get all of it, but I'm definitely better.

Got ninjaed by Kjas there, good thing I got notified of a reply before basically repeating what she said, but what she said about systematic is true: I bring the PUA yet again; although I don't think of it as a good way to be into a committed relationship, it's really great for learning stuff about social interaction.