Do women simply just dislike Aspie men?

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I've worked with at least a couple of women who were very unattractive physically (very overweight) but were extremely extroverted and confident with men. At a work party one of them was boasting to her unattractive friend that if she wanted sex all she had to do was go out to a club and pick up a random dude. They both had long term boyfriends and got married while I was in that workplace.

I gauged from those two that confidence also applies to women and that however unattractive physically that any woman can find love if they have the correct mindset.

Last edited by cyberdad on 19 May 2020, 7:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Depends on the man

Cool, where can I find him? Can he put me through med school?

Confidence does matter a lot for both men and women, but it is not a guarantee in either case. Just as a confident, extroverted woman is more likely to have success in the dating department (which is just as hard for many autistic females to fake as it is for autistic males (yes, there is a significant subset for whom “masking” seems to come naturally, but that is hardly all autistic women, not even necessarily most (unless you have proven statistics to back it up))), so too will a confident, extroverted man be more likely to have success.

Also, if all a woman wants is a one-night stand, yes, it’s pretty easy to get if she just goes into a bar and talks to a few men, but I really don’t think there’s such a huge disparity between men and women who aren’t attractive trying to get a deeper relationship as seems to be implied (or in some places, outright stated) by this thread.

The same old complaints ... the same old suggestions ... the same old excuses ...

It seems as if this discussion goes on all by itself.  Or maybe there's some bot somewhere generating the posts from random bits of dialog found all over the web.

Self-pity seems to be an essential part of the human spirit.

It's human to treat more physically attractive humans better than less physically attractive humans. It's natural human bias at play.

Yes, that does seem to be the case.

There are some disparities that are worth mentioning. The first is that societal expectations is for the male to approach the woman. So in the bar/coffee shop example an unattractive woman merely has sit by herself and will still be approached by men. She does not have to make an effort and she gets to choose if she wants to interact.
An unattractive man has to overcome social anxiety and the prospect of rejection in approaching any woman.

The second relates to mental health. Research suggests that men do worse physically and mentally living single, whereas women who have friends do better alone. This means most single women aren't as desperate for a "deep" relationship with a male as much as their male counterpart.

I realise you are correct that the margin of difference become less important as women become "more unattractive" and it doesn't invalidate their own struggles in finding a soulmate/true love.

I view all humans as "transcendent" beings as the psychologist Maslow suggests and most religious teachers believe that humans want to achieve self-actualisation and are capable of transitioning from self-pity to enlightenment. All they need is motivation.

Actually, a woman will not be approached if there isn’t anything appealing about her. Typically, only men who just want sex and nothing else will take simply being a woman as reason enough to approach. Women do have to put in effort in order to be noticed and approached, especially when there are other, prettier women who are more likely to draw the attention. Says one who is biologically female and has never been approached by a man in such a setting (granted, haven’t been to a bar - hung out at the coffee shop alone just drinking a beverage and entertaining myself with either a book or a game on my phone plenty during college, though). The specific ways men and women have to make an effort may be different, but an effort must be made on both sides. Odds are that an unattractive woman with greasy hair, wearing no makeup, and dressed in a wrinkly T-shirt, stained jeans, and battered tennis shoes would not be approached even if she was the only woman sitting alone in the entire place (again, excepting men who are just desperate for sex and don’t care about anything besides whether someone has the appropriate body parts to perform it). Women have to naturally be physically attractive in some way, have the right makeup applied, be wearing the right clothes, and be able to give the right body language to signal that they might be interested if a man came over to talk to them, if they want to have much chance of getting more than that (granted with some exceptions - but this thread seems more focused on statistics than exceptions, and in that case, it should go both ways). At the very least, strongly have one of those. And if a woman decides to break social standards and approach a man because she’s interested in him but he won’t approach her, he is just as free to reject or even refuse to talk to her. Women don’t just get their pick either, unless perhaps they are seen as extremely desirable in some way (and men who are seen as extremely desirable in some way also get this general privilege among women).

(Oops, sorry for the “wall of text,” but I can’t find anywhere that seems like a good place to break it up)

Not that debating how hard it is or isn’t for a man or a woman to get a start at a relationship really helps anything, I just felt the need to point out that the grass isn’t always as lush and verdant on the other side of the fence as one thinks, so to speak.

You seem to be conflating finding dick with finding love.

No.

Do men simply dislike autistic women?

Yes I humbly accept that the differences I pointed were marginal across the attractiveness spectrum.

However its a myth that attractive men have their pick of girls. Girls are wary of men regardless of how they look. Other situational factors come into play relating to the environment where the girl chooses to be (e.g. nightclub Vs a library) and the status of the man (poorly dressed/smells means he can look like Brad Pitt but is going to have the same luck as the rest of us schmucks).

Those two had boyfriends though

I don't....my daughter is autistic

You’re just jealous that it’s not your dick.