What is the main reason why guys have to do the approaching?

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um, there are alot of men who are too shy and way too nervous to approach women
there are alot of men out there, that will never ever or least nearly impossible to ever go up and talk to a woman. You have men their 40's who has never ever even kissed a woman. Can approaching women be learn, sure it can but for these men it's nearly impossible. Look, I overcome alot too. Like 5 years ago I couldn't even go up and talk to a woman (only reason I had a gf is became she came up to me) but now, Im talking to five women a day (at the gym). so, Im not getting alot of dates but at least Im talking to women, now. But here what you and your friend are totaly missing. These shy aspie men will most likely never, ever get a date. Im sorry, it sucks for them. miss k. is no where near the level these men are. She went on 75 dates or whatever it was.
These men probaly has never even talk to 10 women (beside relative).

How can people here, tell me that all these women have ''such hard time dating'' when they have boyfriend or least had a couple boyfriends before that they have ''trouble'' as much as these 40 year old never ever even kissed a woman before.
Go ahead, Go up to a 40 year male who never even kissed a woman and tell him that your friend who has or had a boyfriend or two has just as much trouble as he does when comes to dating.. You know some them...pm want to have a... adam....stephen... go ahead pm all these men on theis board and tell them about your friend(k) and other lady that they too ''suck at dating'' with their boyfriend they have, go ahead do that.

To that, I can answer what some people before me (maybe even myself with different words) have answered before. Let's assume you're completely right, and women have it easier than men. For all I know, it is true; I'd probably have had my first relationship and my first everythings much earlier if I was a woman. So what? First, as I've told you before, that women had it easier wouldn't mean that they have it easy and dismissing their struggles; it would be like saying the Empire State is a small building because the Burj Khalifa is taller. Second, whether woman have it easier or not is ultimately irrelevant. I remember one day when I complained to my parents because my sister had a higher allowance than I had when I was her age. In hindsight, that was stupid of me and came from envy and spite; her allowance is simply none of my business. I don't know where do your emotions come from, but the main point still remains; even if they are better off, that's mostly irrelevant. You should worry about yourself.

You do bring a point there though, sometimes I've wondered what could someone with a truly heavy social impairment do about dating. Like a Henry Cavendish level of social impairment or something. Many people have social issues at an advanced age because they never bothered trying, but there must certainly be others who have it really hard, and that looks like a tricky case to me.

If you know it's an issue, surely it would be obvious from early on. I started learning social interaction at 13 consciously and have been since.
There has been one period in my life where I was practically non-verbal for all intents and purposes - you can't get too much more "impaired" as far as social skills than that.

I really do think this comes down to other factors. The people who have succeeded at life have things in common: namely, it matters more to us that we succeed at whatever it is we want to do than we fear failing at it. We are more scared of not trying and the possible consequences than we are of failing.

Most people waste time, waste opportunities, waste their own talents and abilities. Those are the people who do not succeed at getting what they want - I would know, I have been that person in the past.
The sad thing was that even when I was that person and wasting everything I had - I was *still* being more productive than most other people during that time.

One thing is for sure - you won't help yourself by complaining all day on an internet forum and not actually doing anything - that is not even trying and therefore guaranteeing failure right there.

Try-hard mantra doesn't work for everyone though and is ESPECIALLY frustrating to hear somebody mention when you have been trying hard for years and gotten nowhere.

Whining their sorry-azz on an internet forum would possibly work for a chick if guys saw it that lived relatively close.

females are often incapable of thinking logically and analytically. females think primarily based on their emotions and they are a lot more unpredictable than males. females do not understand nor do they care about the struggles of men. males should never go to a female in regards to dating advice. males are the hunters and we are expected to be the initiators and risk takers. females use their attractiveness to manipulate males into getting what they want.

Aspie males are usually better off single and alone because we are more socially disadvantaged than normal people when it comes to social interactions. No female is worth the grief.

Last edited by steviewonderau on 21 Nov 2012, 11:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's not just about trying harder - we aren't NT. We need to try harder, but we also have to be much smarter about *how* we choose to do that, and much more selective aboout it.
If you just "try harder" without being smart about it - then that is the equivalent of banging your head against a brick wall and hoping not to get one of the worst headaches you have ever had - it will get you nowhere.

And I doubt that venger - she would be relegated back to the category of "annoying stupid brat" and simply ignored by any man who was worth it.

If there's one thing you will never see me post seriously as some kind of complaint or excuse it would be any of the following:
- there are no good men
- all the good men are either taken or gay
- men have it so much easier than women
- all men want is sex

Because although I have been single for the last few years - saying any of that, or acting based on those thoughts would get me absolutely nowhere. Not to mention none of it is actually true. Just like the opposite complaints and excuses that lots of guys use are not true. You cannot tell me that you would seriously consider dating long term any girl who said or thought those types of things?

You know, that is so good for you. Over came alot. You went out there and improve yourself, that is awesome. Here If I knew you, I would buy you a beer. so then you don't have trouble in dating then. That my whole point, you do good and I respect that.
But your dating problems are so weak compare to these shy men Im talking about

yeah but you are not 40 year who never,ever been in a relationship. You are 23 years old and had 2 boyfriends and 75 dates.
Look, Im very happy for you. You are really don't understand what these men are going threw. You really have no clue do you.

My age has nothing to do with it. Age does not dictate mental or emotional maturity. Nor does it dictate the amount of life experience you have.
And you really have no clue about anything other than first world problems - do you see me holding that against you? I could - heck I probably should, because without sufficient experiences like that you are never going to be able to put your own problems or others into perspective. But I am not because invalidating people would get me nowhere.

I am not invalidating guys in this position - there is a way out of it and I have said it, even given some examples and tools.
It's up to them to actually do something with it.

I have seen aspie guys get dates, girlfriends and partners with my own eyes.
And none of those who did had the attitude that you and others who are agreeing with you are displaying.

It's not about how hard something is, it's about what you choose to do about it.
If your care more about your own comfort level and ego - then yes you are going to stay in the same situation.

im trying to be as fair as possible, but i will still say that dating for shy guys is extremely tough.

i really want to see the statistics from okc on how many people reply to messages. the catch is that EVERYONE is sending out dozens per month, and only the top few % will actually get replies because of the sheer quantity. i would be willing to bet that <10% of the male profiles get >80% of the messages that women reply to. the AVERAGE guy still has a hard time on dating sites. i feel really bad for guys who have trouble describing themselves, or are introverted and so dont have many pictures of them in social gatherings, or are just a little too short or little overweight.

the ratio of messages i send vs women send to me first is about 10:1. when factor in that all those messages i got were never once a full sentence, its actually a ratio of infinity.

due to the style of dating, its unbalanced because a woman generally will just have to worry about picking right. while guys always have to line up waiting to be picked and hope that those perfect guys were lazy that week and didnt show, otherwise were basically out of luck.

if someone woman can tell me what im doing wrong, please do share, cause as far as i can tell theres nothing more i can do other than fake my photos.

the world owes us. life is not fair.
corrupt people usually get what they want, honest people usually get no where.
we have never been given the opportunities in life.
there should be more fairness and equality in this world...
however the world is corrupt and nothing will ever change.

Last edited by steviewonderau on 21 Nov 2012, 11:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

first, you don't know me. You have no idea what Im like outside of wp. I have autism. every damn day. I go out there and notice a lady and go up to her and talk to her about whatever. Im never rude to any women (unless they are rude to me first) and do my best. I talk to women like they are human, I don't view women as sex objects, ok. s**t I go up to women and talk to them about adam sandler ( I don't do that much anymore). You keep acting like if I get ''laid'' (which I have) or if I get another girlfriend, then all the things say I would take back, no. It doesn't matter if I have a gf or not, my thoughts on this issues will stay the same.

Let say tomorrow I get a girlfriend. everything I said on this forum, I would still believe. That your dating skills are so much better then these shy men are.

btw why do you think, I would go up to some woman and start talking to her about ''how women have it so easy dating, and how not fair for us men'' why would I do that,come on.

I talk to women about college, how they are doing, about their family, whatever (and sometimes adam sandler)
so serious, you don't know me,ok.

and last just because I disargee with someone doesn't mean I think they are jerks

Yeah but, dude, you don't know her either. Or anyone else here, as far as I know. So your ideas about how easy or hard anyone other than you has it are based on, well, nothing.

^ this. Especially when talking about Kjas .

It's the third time I remember that someone says that woman maybe do have it easier, but it doesn't matter, and you fail to give a proper answer to that. Why?