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If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

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Peacesells
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24 Jul 2015, 5:11 am

sly279 wrote:
though i dont' see whats wrong with a fun/playful relationship. Its not like I'm not committed, and responsible when it comes to bills, work, etc. I'm just not ready to go from 200 mph to 20mph like switching a switch.

Infact serious and responsible relationship can be fun and playful. Just it won't be as carefree as a teenage relationship, but it is normal and it is ok.
Quote:
yes I need to grow up or die. I know. gotta live by societies standards and all that stuff. well I won't so that leaves me with only the other option I guess. but I'm going to try to enjoy whatever years I have left rather the be soulless and unhappy with some woman who doesn't love the real me in fear that if I ever slip up and show the slightest bit of the real me it'll all be over.

I don't know man, you said yourself that you don't want a serious/responsible relationship but a teenage/playful one. It is reasonable that you can't expect a woman of your age to be in such a relationship, maybe they can sense that you want that.
But I think that our biggest problem is that we can't socialize like other people. To approach women for dating purposes we need to use dating sites, because otherwise it's hard for us, and even then we suck at it. I don't think it makes any sense to blame it on society, we just have to improve ourselves and become more open. You see, other underpaid people can still get dates and girlfriends.
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they dont' know my style of playful they list not playful/childish on their profiles. they talking in a general sense.

yeah no and I'm not playful at work or when I drive a car. duh. but I should be able to be playful in my own house around my spouse. i should be able to be myself when in the safety of my home.

I think they mean that they don't want someone who acts as a kid, when they list it. I don't think they don't like people who joke.



RagnarokUnending
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24 Jul 2015, 5:28 am

I am 27 and have never had a girlfriend. People have told me I am "really handsome" and "super talented", also I am quite tall, 6'5'', but girls just ignore or even avoid me entirely. Its really quite painfully frustrating, and I have no idea where I am going wrong.

sly279 wrote:
mind games are just mean and toying with anthers feelings for your own enjoyment. I'm not some puppet to be toyed with.


I know what you mean sly--while some girls truly do play mind games for fun with a light heart, many have malicious intentions and feed off of it. They probably don't even realize it. I say that because I have had mind games played on me by girls. Girls that were one day good friends, and the next, pointing out every flaw and telling me how ret*d, gay, and weird I am, none of which is even true! The switch was so automatic and without warning that I don't think they realized it. It probably just feels good and boosts their ego to put down a guy they deem inferior, so they do it.

I have met nice girls who don't do this too... unfortunately they are never interested in a relationship with me.



rdos
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24 Jul 2015, 7:09 am

sly279 wrote:
the ones I met advertised as ND seeking ND.


OK, but only a minority of NDs actually know that they are NDs, and the one's that have formal autism diagnosis always have some additional problems other then just being ND. What that means is that if you only seek diagnosed ND (like diagnosed AS), then you won't target the full pool of potential ND women, rather only the one's that are most likely to have many problems, which will be a bad pairing if you also have many problems. In addition to that, there is a large gender difference in diagnosed AS, so seeking women with diagnosed AS is just as bad as online dating as there are many guys and few girls.

So, again, you are using a sub-optimal strategy. A much better strategy is to learn how to detect NDs in real life. You already started this process when you noticed differences between profiles of playful and serious girls, which really mostly boils down to ND vs NT.



WantToHaveALife
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24 Jul 2015, 11:38 am

RagnarokUnending wrote:
I am 27 and have never had a girlfriend. People have told me I am "really handsome" and "super talented", also I am quite tall, 6'5'', but girls just ignore or even avoid me entirely. Its really quite painfully frustrating, and I have no idea where I am going wrong.

sly279 wrote:
mind games are just mean and toying with anthers feelings for your own enjoyment. I'm not some puppet to be toyed with.


I know what you mean sly--while some girls truly do play mind games for fun with a light heart, many have malicious intentions and feed off of it. They probably don't even realize it. I say that because I have had mind games played on me by girls. Girls that were one day good friends, and the next, pointing out every flaw and telling me how ret*d, gay, and weird I am, none of which is even true! The switch was so automatic and without warning that I don't think they realized it. It probably just feels good and boosts their ego to put down a guy they deem inferior, so they do it.

I have met nice girls who don't do this too... unfortunately they are never interested in a relationship with me.


glad to hear of another guy who is in the same boat as I am, and the fact you are tall at 6'5 is very shocking, because usually, a mans height is to a woman the same way a womans weight is to a man, and usually the vast majority of women expect guys to make the first move, approach and talk to them first, you would think a tall guy would have the odds in favor of him of having a woman hit on him, come up to him once in a while.



314pe
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24 Jul 2015, 1:05 pm

RagnarokUnending wrote:
I am 27 and have never had a girlfriend. People have told me I am "really handsome" and "super talented", also I am quite tall, 6'5'', but girls just ignore or even avoid me entirely. Its really quite painfully frustrating, and I have no idea where I am going wrong.

What do you do for living? Do you own a car?



sly279
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24 Jul 2015, 7:07 pm

Peacesells wrote:
sly279 wrote:
though i dont' see whats wrong with a fun/playful relationship. Its not like I'm not committed, and responsible when it comes to bills, work, etc. I'm just not ready to go from 200 mph to 20mph like switching a switch.

Infact serious and responsible relationship can be fun and playful. Just it won't be as carefree as a teenage relationship, but it is normal and it is ok.
Quote:
yes I need to grow up or die. I know. gotta live by societies standards and all that stuff. well I won't so that leaves me with only the other option I guess. but I'm going to try to enjoy whatever years I have left rather the be soulless and unhappy with some woman who doesn't love the real me in fear that if I ever slip up and show the slightest bit of the real me it'll all be over.

I don't know man, you said yourself that you don't want a serious/responsible relationship but a teenage/playful one. It is reasonable that you can't expect a woman of your age to be in such a relationship, maybe they can sense that you want that.
But I think that our biggest problem is that we can't socialize like other people. To approach women for dating purposes we need to use dating sites, because otherwise it's hard for us, and even then we suck at it. I don't think it makes any sense to blame it on society, we just have to improve ourselves and become more open. You see, other underpaid people can still get dates and girlfriends.
Quote:
they dont' know my style of playful they list not playful/childish on their profiles. they talking in a general sense.

yeah no and I'm not playful at work or when I drive a car. duh. but I should be able to be playful in my own house around my spouse. i should be able to be myself when in the safety of my home.

I think they mean that they don't want someone who acts as a kid, when they list it. I don't think they don't like people who joke.


o.O. that doesn't' make sense. I don't mean serious as in committed and take loving somene serious as. I do that i just men I act playful and a bit like a kid when I'm on my off time. my granpa was the same even when he was old. he'd test(play with) the kids Christmas presents the night before.

which is why I'll never be loved. I'm never going to be that ceo that works all the time and never goofs of or does fun things and is always serious.

i don't' see whats wrong in wanting to have fun and be playful. I'm more responsible then a lot of people.



sly279
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24 Jul 2015, 7:10 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
RagnarokUnending wrote:
I am 27 and have never had a girlfriend. People have told me I am "really handsome" and "super talented", also I am quite tall, 6'5'', but girls just ignore or even avoid me entirely. Its really quite painfully frustrating, and I have no idea where I am going wrong.

sly279 wrote:
mind games are just mean and toying with anthers feelings for your own enjoyment. I'm not some puppet to be toyed with.


I know what you mean sly--while some girls truly do play mind games for fun with a light heart, many have malicious intentions and feed off of it. They probably don't even realize it. I say that because I have had mind games played on me by girls. Girls that were one day good friends, and the next, pointing out every flaw and telling me how ret*d, gay, and weird I am, none of which is even true! The switch was so automatic and without warning that I don't think they realized it. It probably just feels good and boosts their ego to put down a guy they deem inferior, so they do it.

I have met nice girls who don't do this too... unfortunately they are never interested in a relationship with me.


glad to hear of another guy who is in the same boat as I am, and the fact you are tall at 6'5 is very shocking, because usually, a mans height is to a woman the same way a womans weight is to a man, and usually the vast majority of women expect guys to make the first move, approach and talk to them first, you would think a tall guy would have the odds in favor of him of having a woman hit on him, come up to him once in a while.


I'm 6'4" the whole women go crazy for tall guys is false.



kraftiekortie
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24 Jul 2015, 7:16 pm

C'mon Sly...yes, you will be loved.

I hate it when you say you'll never be loved---but I don't believe that it is true.



sly279
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24 Jul 2015, 7:22 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
C'mon Sly...yes, you will be loved.

I hate it when you say you'll never be loved---but I don't believe that it is true.


aspies are rational people. all the evidence points to not cable of being loved.

I am just too wrong in too many ways. just a waste of oxygen and food at this point.



kraftiekortie
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24 Jul 2015, 7:31 pm

I'm a rational person, too. I'm on the Spectrum.

I think you will find someone. But you have to gain confidence in order for that to happen.



sly279
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24 Jul 2015, 7:43 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'm a rational person, too. I'm on the Spectrum.

I think you will find someone. But you have to gain confidence in order for that to happen.


I had confidence and it was killed by women on dating sites and in person. so confidence deosnt' mean as much as people think it is and what about peopel with no confidence and who will never have it. not everyone is confident. world needs less confident people to.



Peacesells
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25 Jul 2015, 2:09 am

sly279 wrote:
o.O. that doesn't' make sense. I don't mean serious as in committed and take loving somene serious as. I do that i just men I act playful and a bit like a kid when I'm on my off time. my granpa was the same even when he was old. he'd test(play with) the kids Christmas presents the night before.

which is why I'll never be loved. I'm never going to be that ceo that works all the time and never goofs of or does fun things and is always serious.

i don't' see whats wrong in wanting to have fun and be playful. I'm more responsible then a lot of people.

You really need to get out of that mindset, sly. It is offensive to women, even more than saying that a girl has a mediocre body.
Most underpaid or childish/playful guys get into relationships, so there must be something else wrong with people like us.



RagnarokUnending
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25 Jul 2015, 5:31 am

314pe wrote:
RagnarokUnending wrote:
I am 27 and have never had a girlfriend. People have told me I am "really handsome" and "super talented", also I am quite tall, 6'5'', but girls just ignore or even avoid me entirely. Its really quite painfully frustrating, and I have no idea where I am going wrong.

What do you do for living? Do you own a car?


I am a lead artist, and I own a truck. I don't make a ton of money but I support myself and am on a path to make a lot in the future.

Height isn't what girls want, its just frosting on cake. I have no cake. You would think being tall would get you at least some dates, but it doesnt for me. I dont even see girls looking at me!

sly279: I know why you have the mindset you do. I am not going to pretend to know everything you're going through, but I had a similar mindset myself for a long time. Lots of bad experiences weigh heavily on one's outlook on life, but what helped me was grasping the idea that... nothing matters. My mindset wasn't helping me and since nothing matters there is no point in being miserable. Yeah the world and people suck, but nothing we can do will ever change it, so live for yourself and do what you want. Also what immensely helped me is using my AS to teach myself a skill, 3D art. AS isn't a mental "disability" its a tool that enables us to teach ourselves anything if we put in the time. Do you have a hobby/interest? I have read your other posts--you like guns right? I do and thought about gunsmithing, but never got around to it. I have a friend who is a gunsmith, and girls where I live even think its sexy! Might be something to think about. Learning a talent and hearing people say you're "amazing" really helped after years of hearing people tell you you're ret*d.



white_as_snow
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25 Jul 2015, 7:41 am

No my friend, its not to late. There are people who "gets" a girlfriend for the first time at the age of 40-50.

But, maybe you should not be open with that you never had a girlfriend, many women will not accept you becuse of this.



Jacoby
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25 Jul 2015, 8:09 am

RagnarokUnending wrote:
sly279: I know why you have the mindset you do. I am not going to pretend to know everything you're going through, but I had a similar mindset myself for a long time. Lots of bad experiences weigh heavily on one's outlook on life, but what helped me was grasping the idea that... nothing matters. My mindset wasn't helping me and since nothing matters there is no point in being miserable. Yeah the world and people suck, but nothing we can do will ever change it, so live for yourself and do what you want. Also what immensely helped me is using my AS to teach myself a skill, 3D art. AS isn't a mental "disability" its a tool that enables us to teach ourselves anything if we put in the time. Do you have a hobby/interest? I have read your other posts--you like guns right? I do and thought about gunsmithing, but never got around to it. I have a friend who is a gunsmith, and girls where I live even think its sexy! Might be something to think about. Learning a talent and hearing people say you're "amazing" really helped after years of hearing people tell you you're ret*d.

It's definitely a disability and it bugs me to see people say "it's just a difference", we're not all misunderstood super powered savants. Not a disease maybe, it can't be cured. More like being paralysed. Saying its not a disability I feel delegitimises my experience, I spent a lot of years convinced I wasn't worthy or deserving of help and I think that mindset contributed to it. Like I don't get what these people are trying to accomplish that are all like "its just a difference", "it's a civil rights issues", or want to remove it from the DSM. I think a lot of people here have a ton of trouble of seeing stuff outside their own personal perspective, some people's situations are more fortunate from the start and a lot of people get supports and accommodations at such a young age nowadays that were never available to me so there is a pretty huge variation of functioning here. I have to work at getting better myself and finding a place in society since I can't expect anybody to just accept my differences, I don't accept them.



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25 Jul 2015, 9:35 am

sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
C'mon Sly...yes, you will be loved.

I hate it when you say you'll never be loved---but I don't believe that it is true.
aspies are rational people. all the evidence points to not cable of being loved.

I am just too wrong in too many ways. just a waste of oxygen and food at this point.
Sly, I can't predict the future but don't say you're incapable of expressing love. You're probably far more capable of showing love than I am. When I got into a relationship it descended into an adversarial battle in which we competed to see who was the best manipulator. She tried to use me as a crutch for her depression and family problems and worse still, I got increasingly obsessed with her looks and tried to starve her into a perfectly thin trophy wife.

My life is easier and less complex when I'm single (though not as rewarding). You however are more capable than me of judging a woman based on her character rather than her looks. Unlike me you probably don't start mentally calculating BRM every time you lay eyes on a woman. Unlike me you are less shallow than a wading pool.

Don't say you can't be loved because I think you have an immense amount of love and the woman you give it too will consider herself to be very lucky (and please don't kill yourself or some poor woman will be deprived of a fine husband).


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