Oh girls have it so much worse....

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he was pretty much a golddigger while engaged. i paid the rent and utilities. before we lived together, he often went "shopping" in my food cupboards.

Do you think that if genders were reversed you would still consider your partner a golddigger?
I know some men who pay for both rent and utilities and they say it's ok.

he also did no housework.

Similarly, while fore-playing, she told me "you're hairy like a monkey".

and another "where's the wood?" in a mocking tone, because I didn't get erected instantly just right in the moment , her tone turned me off even more (I am find, I had a sexual encounter last sunday too, and It got hard and lasted well, I got relieved that it was inexperience and psychological back then and not physical erectile dysfunction).

Yes, it seems there are women out there who expect men to have pornstar bodies and to perform sexually as if they are on 24/7 pumping viagra.

Generally speaking, it is the women who put too much pressure for sexual performance on men rather than the other way around.

I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough. I didn't mean any of what I said applies to you, nor did I assume anything about the girl other than what you said in your previous post. I just described what that body language usually makes me feel, which is naturally influenced by my own issues.

I won't deny I'm sour, but it'd be extremely unlikely for her to be troubled by anyone like me, because I very rarely interact with attractive women at all, other than family members, I've never expected them to be interested in me, nor do I think they'd have any reason to, and, the few times I do interact with one, I make a point to keep it at a minimum and go straight to the point, trying to pay no attention to their physical charm. I'm worried, however, that they probably can tell from a mile away how starved I am of female company, so I don't think I succeed at feigning complete disinterest in them, and this most likely makes the interaction with me disgusting to them, as much as I try to keep it brief.

Oddly enough, I'm not completely unfamiliar with the impression that sometimes they felt more relaxed than usual in my presence, and thus less concerned about intentionally avoiding "provocative" poses, perhaps in the mistaken belief that I did, in fact, not find them sexually attractive. I like this even less, because I'm sure they'd feel betrayed as soon as they found out I was sexually attracted to them after all. I don't understand what's so bad about liking them sexually, provided you respect them, but it seems to be a big deal to them.

No. Raped is worse than mugged. Mugged and murdered are not synonyms.

No.


That statement places you at the very core of #NotAllMen. That's what "not all men" men say. The fact that not all men rape does not negate the fact that women who have been raped or threatened with rape or fear rape tend to fear all men. That's what #YesAllWomen means.


Wrong again. There's nothing wrong with wanting sex. It's when "women" becomes a collective, an object, a thing that you want so much you can't see an individual woman as an individual with her own personality, desires, wants, needs, fears etc. All you see is the thing you want--sex with woman.


If you'll read my posts a little more carefully you'll see that I qualify, not stereotype. "men who only think about sex." "men who think getting laid is the be-all and end-all of existence."
#NotAllMen types who don't consider the woman's perspective when she says just because there's a group of men who are so desperate they'd date any women while women supposedly get to be more choosy.
I am not talking about all men--I'm talking about men who let their balls lead their lives instead of looking for a life that will make them happy, and realizing that happy people are more attractive than people who go around whinging about how hard it is to get laid if you're not rich+easy on the eyes+confident+healthy+ all the other things men think they have to be for no other reason than that they think they'll never get laid if they aren't.

Yeah okay that's convoluted, my brain is on overdrive.

What I'm trying to say is that "men who only think about sex [insert generalization about horny men here] " is not the same as saying "men only think about sex," full stop.

It's hard to be a woman, as much because of those men who see sex as the great bazinga prize of life, as for any other reason. It is not fun to be seen as an object that exists for the sexual gratification of a man, and I personally don't find it fun to have other men looking at my husband and being jealous because he "has" me and they don't. I am not a thing he owns. I am a person who chose to commit to him because I admire him.

Money, looks and social status had nothing to do with it. I had no idea of his net worth, I've always thought he's kinda funny-looking, and being autistic I comprehend very little about social status and social climbing and all that nonsense. We get along. He makes me laugh. He makes me happy. He makes me feel like I am the most wonderful and amazing person he ever met. He's cool, confident, self-assured, knows what he wants and is usually pretty good at getting it.

I fell for him.

That's no reason to envy him, though. Treating a woman like a worthwhile person because she's an individual with ideas and dreams and goals and strengths and weaknesses and likes and dislikes and feelings and challenges and triumphs and failures--not a shapely thing that makes you horny--is a much better strategy than analyzing what makes your life so hard and woman such and unattainable object.

You are still speaking with the voice of #NotAllMen. Until you consider the perspective of #YesAllWomen, there's not much point to conversation. It's circular. You can't see past how hard you think your life is to consider the different but probably equal hardships of a different/opposite type of person. It isn't even true that any woman could go into a bar or a club or whatever and come out with a date. Men pick and choose whom they approach, and socially awkward, painfully shy wallflowers are seen as stuck-up or boring and don't get approached. Neither do fat forty-somethings with glasses, crooked teeth, bad breath, resting bitchface, graying unstyled hair and no fashion sense whatsoever.

So no, I will not agree that your life is harder than mine just because you perceive yourself as unsuccessful in the dating game. Dating is not life. Sex is not life. Getting laid is not life. There is a lot more to life than erotic

Really, it's all up to the individual.

This "poor me" looks exactly like a romantic gambit to find a "knight in shinning armor."
Good luck, keep your chin up because that gambit usually does work.

I see a gold digger as a person who is focused on marrying for big money -- to the exclusion of just about everything else. It is expecting somebody else to care for you in the extravagant manner in which you intend to become accustomed - if you have no or little money. It's expecting something from a partner that you don't expect of yourself.

A financially stable person who wants a financially stable partner isn't being unreasonable. They do what they expect their partner to do. Stability depends more on the ability to live within your means than the amount of money you earn and it is a useful proxy for impulse control. Plus, financial problems are often cited as the reason for stress that leads to breakups and divorces.

Partner with impulse control issues? Is likely to cheat.

Partner with a trashed credit rating? Good luck getting a mortgage.

The examples of fat billionaires and their supermodel wives and girlfriends? Is disingenuous, to put it mildly. They're six standard deviations from the mean, not a basis for comparison for normal people.

so if i get stabbed a few times and left to bleed out on a street, thats not worse then rape? why do you have to down play others fears? why can't all fears be equal. this whole women over men s**t is dumb and just makes people infight. rather you could say all fear of being a a victim is legit and fight together to stop it all.

so because some women got raped which is bad, its ok to treat all men as rapist and call them rapist.
not all men and yes all women can coexist they dont' have to be enemies. saying that not all men rape isn't saying rape doesn't happen. I've never raped anyone so why should I be punished and treated like I have?
only do that if you want to turn all guys against women. also if you treat someone like a criminal and they might just become one. ie if you accuse someone of doing something over and over and treating them like they did when they didn't they they just give in and do it. like how in some cities they treat all blacks are criminals so they just say f it why not do the thing since we already seen as it.

you place all men in a collective.
yeah well I highly doubt most men do that. wanting sex doesn't' mean we don't see her for a individual.

not all men is simple a group saying not all men rape. thats it.
to be against that is to say all men rape.

when a woman gets 200 messages and a guy gets 1 reply if lucky. who gets to be the choosy one? but a happy person with none of those things isnt' attractive. the hunchback guy was happy but not attractive. I honestly don't know any of the guys you talk about ehy are so rare, i don't think theres any on here besides mybe the gouluth guy or however you spell his name.
the rest of us do those things not to get sex, though yes sex is a part of relationships. we do it to be loved and have a relationship with a woman.

but you do have each other. ever think maybe they jealous of his beign in a relatioship with you. that maybe its the whole package they want not just to sex you. plenty of men are seen as sexual gratification for women.

just read a ad posted by a woman talking about a hot eye candy guy she saw with another woman and wants to steal him away. based only on his hotness and looks that she only had a few minutes to see. and how she could tell it was just a first infomational date.

so you didn't ask if he worked or where he worked when you started dating?
even if you didn't 9/10 women do and expect a guy to be well off.
so for every one of you there 9 of them. not very hopeful odds.


again notallmen is only saying all men don't rape.
yesallwomen is a activist movement to make rape cases known. they can coexist. why do you paint them as enemies. tahts the problem. you can fight rape while admitting not all men are rapist. and that men shoudlnt' be treaed like they are all monsters.

if you mean to consider the persepcitve that women are always right and men are always monsters. then no I won't and why is rape issue even appart of this. saying that a lot of women want a guy who is well off and handsome isn't about rape. you can't see past your life to see how men may have it hard too. you only see women's struggles. you can't even do the thing you want men to do. if you cant' bother seeing the other side of the issue you have no right demanding others do it for your side. you've placed me on the other side of your issue. and I'm not but you treat me like I am so i might as well go and be on the other side.

no we don't because women tell us not to approach them long before we even consider approaching them. get with times.

and I dont' think you're life is harder then mine. maybe they'll both as hard? oh no that would mean compromising and seeing that everyone struggles. cna't have that. only women struggle. men are stuggleless.

again you asusme I only want sex. if i did I would dated those women who were not compatible. if you read any of my post you'd realize like others have taht I need a strong emotional connection to have sex. when I have sex I get even more emotional attached. so I 1. don't enjoy it. 2. then get attached to women i shouldn't. I dont' take sex lightly. It gives me anxiety too. I had a woman actively pursue me for sex and I couldnt' do it.

I want a relationship. I want to cuddle, hang out with her, talk all the time, do activities together. camp together. meet her family all the stuff. so take your jugmental self elsewhere, you know nothing about me.

no if you follow that logicl then they ammount of money they make shouldn't matter. the definition you give a guy who makes 400 a month but lives off it is stable.

so why do you define who meets this by how much they make?

many women are expecting somebody else to care for them in the extravagant manner in which you intend to become accustomed. see you say you want an stable guy but you define stable as him being able to pay for your lifestyle. that is exacly what you said a gold digger does.

so the two are the same.

so if you live alone you won't ever get a mortgage. mortgages are only for married couples? also what if you don't want to own your own house. many many people rent. there's a whole market of it.

I don't have a lack of impulse control. I live within my means and have a small savings. I don't buy or do things I can't afford. I only buy things i have a practical use for. so i meet your definition of stable yet you keep claiming I'm not stable.

you can't even get you're propaganda straight katekay. you say one thing here and and another thing elsewhere.
you say that 9 an hour isnt' stable but many people are stable with that or less. is it a set income or is it just living within your means? pick one and stick with it. you just defined yourself as a gold digger.

you also defend the women who turn me down while they also meet your definition here of a gold digger.

Sly, you're arguing with kaytkat again...

Geez, women want resources from men and men want sex. How hard is this?? It's biological evolution, all your "yeah but" arguments ARE you creating the societal pressure you're whining about.
Geezuz are you all really trying to bang out a Unified Theory of Dating??


Here, how about this...
In my experience most women have no clue what they want in a man. But they will list everything they can think of on the spur of the moment like a shopping list.
Also in my experience when they meet a guy that "clicks" for them the list goes right out the window.

But that's okay, who says everybody has to know what they want and stick to everything they've said about the subject?

To understand that this is "Sexual Conflict" <link, and that deception is unavoidably an integral part, will perhaps allow us Aspies to realize that what the other gender says is not what we should base our "truth" on. We must use observation and research.

Until we can understand and accept the actual biological imperatives and the factual differences in gender needs, we'll just stay confused as how to successfully woo someone from the opposite gender.

-Most male animals want sex.
-Gestating and care giving offspring is resource intensive and a heavily gravid female will likely have little success in resource gathering, especially in the hunting arena.
-If the males help contribute resources to child rearing, the species is likely to be more successful.
-Contributing resources allows breeding for babies more often.
-If the cared-for female offers sex and exclusivity to the providing male, the male needs waste less time and resources (and competition) on finding other avenues for sex.

But making it too obvious about what we want means the potential partners might lie about their "fitness" to what we want.
Thus deception: subtlety testing until we can build confidence about the other individual's ability, desire, and commitment to provide what is important to us.

Men pretending they don't value sex and they don't expect anything in return for dinner.
And
Women pretending they don't care how much money he makes.

Want proof? (or at least a couple clues)
Men have a tendency to try to show off how much cool stuff they have.
And
Women tend to wear makeup and underwires.

You know this is generally true even it "not all men and women do that!! ! !" or even if "I don't do that!! ! ! ! ! !"

When you understand this simple behavior, you'll understand how to date long enough to figure out if you should take a chance on a person or not.



Please stop crying that it's not fair, or not equal, or mean ole society has to change.
Nothing is going to fundamentally change before you die of old age so if you want sex, or if you want a baby, stop the tantrum, grow up and cope with how life has developed over the last 4 billion years.


Grow up and accept the hard truth.
Most women must have additional resources to have a baby.
And
Most men really kinda must have sex.

How else do you think there got to be seven billion of us? Politically correct dating??

I don't think you understand what underwires in bras are actually for. They are not to make breast look better, so that men will find us attractive. Underwires are for support, to stop your boobs bouncing around and getting in the way. It's actually not very comfortable to walk around without good support for your breasts.

thought that's the only point of bras besides push up bras.
though aren't sport bras the best for that so why don't women all wear sport bras.