Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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musicboxforever
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01 Feb 2010, 10:54 am

I like nice guys. But I can never tell whether they like me or not because they are nice to everyone. I was talking about this chap I like at work who did me a favour and my colleague said he probably likes me. The thing is though, he would have done it for anyone, I'm no special than anyone else. So I still don't know whether he likes me or not.



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07 Feb 2010, 2:50 am

Nice guys and good girls to me,is nothing more but a myth.It's more about needy and too available for someone from the opposite sex,which means being desperate.



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07 Feb 2010, 4:18 am

A nice guy is per definition a guy who's nice to people. There is no direct correlation between "nice guy" and "shy guy".
Also, a so-called "alpha male" does not need to be a jerk, but someone other people easily look up to and easily respect. For the things he does and for the things he says.

Play Mass Effect 1 & 2 using a male character and go paragon (good) all the way for an example of an utopian nice guy.


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07 Feb 2010, 5:58 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:

People who were abused or neglected strangely enough behave in a similar fashion. Don't think you can help someone who was beaten or sexually molested by a family member by giving her your unconditional love. She will take advantage of you and the emotional hangover you get from such a relationship is immense.


I had an experience just like this EXCEPT I would leave out "she will take advantage of you". But the second sentence is absolutely true. I just don't blame the abused person. She didn't use me, but I still couldn't help her with my patience and understanding, and it was depressing that my trying supremely hard to be nice to her was not enough.



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12 Feb 2010, 3:24 am

Mm, failing to be of use is depressing.


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Sound
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13 Feb 2010, 5:37 am

Kenjuudo wrote:
A nice guy is per definition a guy who's nice to people. There is no direct correlation between "nice guy" and "shy guy".
Incorrect!
The context of this thread is the well established 'nice guy' stereotype, which universally includes some form of insecurity. It is that insecurity which prevents this stereotype from acting and speaking in a forthright manner, instead opting to understate or hide their true feelings from the women they are interested in. As they attempt to prove their worthiness through favors, gifts, or fulfilling their lady-friends' unmet emotional needs(hence: nice guy), they fail to understand A) their actions are both passive, and represent a hidden agenda(sex), both of which are stereotypically unattractive to women who traditionally seek masculine traits and B) that their actions represent a BRIBE (if I do X [as opposed to BEING X], she will like me). Naturally, this bribe does not create any sexual attraction or tension, which is the core of romance.
And more reasons, besides.

Is it possible to be a nice guy who is not shy? YES!
But that would have nothing to do with the subject of this thread, and would tend not be the kind of person people are talking about when they say "nice guy," in this broader context.
Quote:
Also, a so-called "alpha male" does not need to be a jerk, but someone other people easily look up to and easily respect. For the things he does and for the things he says.
Alpha male is situationally subjective. If the confident, good hearted guy leaves the scene, then the next in line takes the mantle. If two men are left - one nice and in-confident, the other a jerk - the jerk tends to override and fill the social void. Whoever's personality is more forceful, really. It certainly doesn't guarantee the jerk's success though, heh.

All in all, the OP was close to the mark.



TXaspie
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13 Feb 2010, 7:08 pm

Quote:
They need the rush because that's all they have...no depth, no vision, no nothing...except living for the momen


That makes no senese. The people who live for the moment are the ones who are happier, the shallow people constantly live for what is ahead and want want want.



DemonAbyss10
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13 Feb 2010, 9:11 pm

TXaspie wrote:
Quote:
They need the rush because that's all they have...no depth, no vision, no nothing...except living for the momen


That makes no senese. The people who live for the moment are the ones who are happier, the shallow people constantly live for what is ahead and want want want.


its more like you got shallow people on both ends of the spectrum as well as the not so shallow ones, so meh.


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huytongirl
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17 Feb 2010, 4:09 pm

A lot of men here seem to be blaming women for their own failures. Not too nice, that. Certainly wouldn't find it attractive myself.



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17 Feb 2010, 6:04 pm

Blahblahblahblah...


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Sound
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17 Feb 2010, 6:42 pm

idiocratik wrote:
Blahblahblahblah...
Hehe, in regards to what?
Disagreement is good. Blanket dismissal is bad.



idiocratik
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17 Feb 2010, 8:26 pm

Sound wrote:
idiocratik wrote:
Blahblahblahblah...
Hehe, in regards to what?
Disagreement is good. Blanket dismissal is bad.


This debate topic is juvenile. Can anyone truly define a "nice guy"? Is there a universal definition? Doubtfully. You can't really generalize the situation of why the "nice guy finishes last". He could be the overly-sensitive type who wants to snog for days, or he could be completely content as he is with a simple interest in someone, or he could be the guy pretending to be the "nice guy". The female will interpret these things into several possible scenarios that give the "nice guy" a fleeting chance such as "he's too boring," or "he's probably lying," or "this is probably too good to be true," or "he's nice, but he doesn't have any tattoos," etc. So, when you really observe the situation, it's really not so gender-specific. It's simply the way of dating. Nobody is singled out to "finish last". It just sounds that way because the nice guy is disappointed and is prone to whining about it.

Attraction isn't a choice. It's subconscious. You either click with someone or you don't.


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Sound
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17 Feb 2010, 8:47 pm

idiocratik wrote:
It just sounds that way because the nice guy is disappointed and is prone to whining about it.
lol no arguments there.
But right there, you've started to narrow down and support this supposedly mythical concrete definition. Actually, a lot of the people who've engaged in this topic, and other similar topics, tend to have an agreed upon definition, and it's not all that vague.
Your own observations are probably right in line with what some of us are talking about, if you'd hammer out the details to eliminate vagueness.

Bare in mind the reason we do this isn't to exalt these labels and systematize what should be intuitive. We do it to try and help people who are having trouble connecting with the results of their icky behavior. Sometimes systematizing & patterning helps them, even if human behavior regularly defies systems and labels.

That said, those two words themselves could be used any number of ways. So contextual confusion abounds.
Oh wells.



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17 Feb 2010, 8:57 pm

Oh well, I did my best at having a clear thought. :P


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RossMc
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18 Feb 2010, 11:31 am

Actually, you can be a nice guy, so long as you are strong mentally, and determined. If you are not needy, whiny, and clingy, and you can get your way at least part of the time in the relationship, then you have a huge advantage. This is the key test. The other person in a relationship must sometimes do something they don't want to do to accomodate you.That is the key to compromise. If that is not the case, that is not a healthy relationship, you are merely being used and acting like a passive male b***h.



Kenjuudo
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18 Feb 2010, 1:06 pm

Sound wrote:
Kenjuudo wrote:
A nice guy is per definition a guy who's nice to people. There is no direct correlation between "nice guy" and "shy guy".
Incorrect!
The context of this thread is the well established 'nice guy' stereotype, which universally includes some form of insecurity. It is that insecurity which prevents this stereotype from acting and speaking in a forthright manner, instead opting to understate or hide their true feelings from the women they are interested in. As they attempt to prove their worthiness through favors, gifts, or fulfilling their lady-friends' unmet emotional needs(hence: nice guy), they fail to understand A) their actions are both passive, and represent a hidden agenda(sex), both of which are stereotypically unattractive to women who traditionally seek masculine traits and B) that their actions represent a BRIBE (if I do X [as opposed to BEING X], she will like me). Naturally, this bribe does not create any sexual attraction or tension, which is the core of romance.
And more reasons, besides.
The stereotype you're describing is the inexperienced shy guy's definition and based on his experience (or lack thereof). Confidence does NOT equal jerkiness. Even if most shy guys believe they are the nicest living creatures it doesn't mean they really are. And just because a guy is confident and bound to get the girl doesn't mean he's an ass.


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