Met a Guy

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The fact a women can use sex against you as a weapon says more about you than it says about the women or females in general.

I wasn't talking about myself, buddy. I am not saying that men should expect sex on the first date, if thats what you thought. However making a man wait 6 months or a year is nothing more than a s**t test. I knew all the games from early on, and I can spot that kind of manipulative crap a mile away.

Typically ....oriental.

Sorry, but that's terrible advice. I would never date someone for 6 months without sex, and if I did, I would be getting it from somewhere else on the side. I would say one or two months, tops. More like 5 dates, and if nothing physical happens, you're history.

Lol, not in my experience - almost all of the Asian women I dated were very sexually aggressive.

Princess, it's your body, but I can tell you that it's going to sour your chances with most guys to have that "not until marriage" stance.

I'd also like to point out that there are some people who are good at sex, and good matches for you, and some who will not be. Maybe their penis is too big/too small for you, maybe their technique is off, etc. It's also good to get a lot of practice in. Having some of the best sex in my life was a major factor in me choosing who I married. Betting that the first person you ever sleep with will be the right one is IMHO a very bad bet.

In my experience, sex is used primarily as a weapon (by both genders) in some twisted domination struggle... people that right down to it were the ones that usually had the violent breakups shortly after, whereas those that waited a few months to determine if they were truly compatible were the relationships that lasted...


The physical pleasure is there, but without that emotional connection that can only be built up over time backing it up, it is just that: physical... I might as well just jerk it at that point, since it would be less of a hassle to me...

I once met a girl a few years back while doing theater stuff, and while we never actually got into any official relationship, we were still very close (we never had to date or even exchange contact info because we saw each other in rehearsals every day)... The emotional connection we built over a month was far deeper than any physical pleasure I have ever felt, and that was without even getting to first base... I have no doubt that if the show didn't end and we didn't go our separate ways, it would have progressed around the bases and we would have become partners for life, but the point i'm trying to make is romantic connections need not be based on sex, and in my experience are more stable that way... and in the end will provide a more stable foundation that sex can then be added to without the really high chance of destabilizing everything...

That is not true for all cases. For some people it might take that long to get to know a person well enough and deeply enough and trust them enough to feel comfortable embarking on that sort of physical connection. Relationships take time, and while sex doesn't mean all that much for some - for others it's a real exercise in trust, and the trust doesn't come from nowhere - it has to be earned (like in any friendship or relationship, both ways).

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who has ever felt these feelings and understood that they are the best feelings in the world and more important than anything physical. I would elaborate, but it's too personal for me to post on a public forum.

Not in my experience. It sounds like you think sex is a big deal. I don't think it is. Therefore I see no reason to wait a few months. You can build up an emotional connection as well as spending time screwing someone's brains out. I have a strong emotional connection to my partner.



There is nothing wrong with just having a physical connection if that is what one wants. Also even when there is just a physical connection, sex, for me at least, is much more enjoyable than masturbating.



Well if you had such a strong emotional connection, why did you not end up together? That makes zero sense. Anyway, it might make things more stable for you, to avoid sex for a while, but n=1! You cannot apply your experiences to all.

Fair enough. I'll concede that point... your experiences are obviously not mine... Now stop making it sound like I'm defective or something just because sex isn't exactly on my mind like some other things are...


Well you're right in that I see it as a big thing... And maybe for someone as experienced as you, it would make sense to not care about it that much... but I don't want to finally get a girlfriend after 7+ years of being in the singles market only to just have her leave me after screwing up the screwing... so for someone like me, I need someone who would love me anyway, even if i can't **** to save my life...


I didn't clarify that enough... That's where circumstance forced us apart. As I said, we had never needed to trade contact information, practically being around each other all the time... and when the realization that I probably wouldn't see her again hit me, it was too late... she was gone, until she friended me on facebook a few weeks back, and the connection (as I found out) had died, at least on her end...

Please quote me where I have implied you are defective? I cannot see it but I can see a few times where I have said there is nothing wrong with not being really interested in sex.

To repeat: I do not think there is anything wrong with not wanting sex all the time, everyone is different. Though many comments here have indicated that people think there is something wrong with being really interested in sex. That is why I have been posting - to counter that idea.



Sure, if that is what you want I hope you get it. I personally have never found sex to be a big deal, even when I was a virgin. I know a lot of other people seem to assign something more to it than just the physical. I really cannot grasp this myself. It seems to be that some people think there is a "spiritual" (for lack of a better word)n aspect to the whole thing.



Ok that makes sense then. I have always been the type of person to peruse the things that I want, regardless of obstacles in my way so I could not understand why you had not perused a relationship with her. Though, that being said, I still do not understand why not sleeping with her contributed to your emotional connection. Seeing as you did not have sex with her, you do not know that you would have been less close to her had you slept with her.

Here:

I would fit the bill of the guy who is "terrible in bed"... which means that if a great deal of women are like you, I stand less of a chance than I thought... anyway, since I'm not ready to just jump in the sack at a moment's notice, I'm not worthy of consideration and just a waste of time, ergo, defective...

I do agree that arbitrary time limits are stupid... the couple should just decide when they're ready for it... but I need a good deal of time to set up other fallbacks so that there's still something salvageable when I invariably fail...

Ugh... there's no way I can respond to this without sounding like a misogynist... Anyway, you're a woman... and as you have shown, the pressure to perform is on the male... thus the whole catch-22 in my specific situation... and why I need a woman that wouldn't leave me, even if im mediocre and inexperienced at sex...

It's not so much that a connection that deep formed because of no sex, rather it formed in spite of it... thus disproving the idea that romantic love requires sex to exist...

That statement was not made to you directly and I cannot see where I said someone was defective in that statement. To clarify that statement, I think if someone wants to wait six months to have sex with someone they should be upfront about that. I do not think there are many people who would be happy with being told that though. Though seeing as you believe you are terrible in bed, do you think it is fair to be with a women for six months, build up a close connection and only then sleep with her? That means you have wasted six months of someone's time, if in fact, you are terrible in bed and they are after someone who is good. If I was terrible in bed I would warn people of this and let them decide if they want to be with me. Perhaps find a women who is not interested in sex at all might be easiest for you.

Why are you terrible in bed? I have slept with a lot of people... and would only consider one person to be terrible. It can often be awkward at the start but unless the person has an attitude where they have no interest in improving, most people get better. So are you actually terrible in bed or is it that you have no experience?



The pressure to perform is not just on the man. I have mainly male friends and they *definitely* can be very critical of poor performing women. I feel pressure to perform well and I am a woman. Pressure should not make one give up though, but try harder.



Sure that can happen for some people. I have had close emotional connections without having sex. Sex makes the connection much better though, in my experience.

Don't worry ToS, there is a great diversity of people out there with different opinions on the subject, including people like us. There's no "right" or "wrong" way of looking at it. You'll find someone who wants the same things you do.

No, it's probably not fair on my part... The point about waiting until I'm ready (not necessarily an arbitrary time limit, more just whenever I feel like the time is right) is so that there are other things to fall back on while I actually get a chance to figure out how the hell this stuff actually works... If there's no other aspect to the relationship except for sex and that's terrible, she will most likely leave me...


1) are there any of those out there?
2) I'm not entirely disinterested in sex, I just don't want to jump in the sack right away or run the bases backwards, as it were...


Well, I'm a virgin in any aspect of the word... hell, I'm probably the world's oldest "first base" virgin... so by default, yes, I am terrible... When I don't know what I'm doing (in any endeavor), I just fumble around like an idiot and can't get anything done...

Now, just a note: I'm not one of those "wait until marriage" people... no, I'm a virgin because the women have a strong tendency to avoid me... The few women that actually do talk to me are all of a sudden "too busy" if I try to find time to do anything with them...

There are plenty of "how to" sites on the internet in regards to sex. You do not have to go into a relationship terrible at sex.



I am sure there are some women who would be understanding of your inexperience. Perhaps not if you waited until after sleeping with them to spring that news on them but if you are upfront I would think you would have a better chance. I had sex with one guy who was just awful (the only bad lay I've had) and did not tell me at the time he was a virgin. If he had told me, things would have been different as I would have known why he was bad in bed. Though, not all virgins are bad.



Ok so you are inexperienced. Everyone was there at one point. That does not automatically equate to "terrible in bed". Why do you just fumble around like an idiot? If you have *no idea* what you are doing, you really should read up on sex and foreplay advice so you have an idea of what to do. You should also be asking the person you are with for feedback. Attitude is a big thing when it comes to sex and if you keep thinking you are going to be bad and put no time into learning about sex (even before you have it) or asking the other person what they want you probably will be terrible.