What do you do when a girl you aren't attracted to likes you

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That has happened to me once, and I thought about it because she was a pro wrestling fan as well. In fact many of the guys at my school have suggested that I go for the special-ed girls (even though I am on the high functioning end of AS). I have become so desperate for a partner that I have thought about "settling" on several occasions.

Well I went out for coffee again with this girl once. She is nice, but I didn't feel any connection to her (physically/emotionally/mentally). She invited me over for a BBQ thing on saturday, I gave an ambiguous reply that probably suggested I would be there... I ended up going to watch the UFC instead. She hasn't tried to contact me since, so I sent her a message on facebook saying something urgent came up, and that I was sorry I couldn't make it. Maybe now she won't want anything to do with me and the problem is solved? I did go on a date, though at the time I thought we were "friends", and I didn't like it. I could try doing it more, but I don't think I can bring myself to doing it. In the back of my head I feel like I should force myself to date her more, but I honestly don't even like even talking to her or being in her presence now, so that's hard...

My point is that you are taking the very approach that so many here rail against being used towards them; I find it very strange. Not going to a BBQ hasn't sabotaged anything; if someone is truly interested in you, a minor thing like that would not make a huge difference, especially in that you had not committed to being there. So you are saying since it is how you have been treated, despite the fact that you did not appreciate it or find it helpful, you are going to pursue playing the game by those rules? Fair enough, though I completely disagree. But having her pursue you harder isn't progress in my book, especially if you aren't interested in her - you are then playing games, and that is something I have difficulty with.


M.

To be honest I think you are digging yourself a hole now. You should make you intentions clear.

IMO, you need to stop leading her on and either tell her or say you just want to remain friends.

Quit leading her on man!

Just don't shower, eat a lot of garlic and fart loudly.

I would have to handle things on a case-by-case basis here - a lot depends on the girl.

One of the key factors to me in a girl's attractiveness is her personality. Things like her maturity, independence, and stability are very important factors.

So, I've had situations where women that weren't precisely physically attractive might have been interested in me, and I'd have no problem with being nice to them and flirting to some extent, because she seems stable and mature enough to be "safe". I think in this sort of case, my trouble connecting emotionally works in my favor, as it comes off as disinterest. The relationship thus stays quite friendly. These women I don't feel like I'm leading on or anything - though they wouldn't be my first choice, I could probably live with them anyway. I guess they eventually decide there's no chemistry between us, get bored, and move on, but remain friendly and polite. They usually seem to be more comfortable and confident around people, too, which I find nice to see. As another positive side effect, these girls tend to "put in a good word" for me to other girls later on, something that hardly ever works out to my disadvantage.

If the girl has emotional or psychological problems, though, I can't figure out any good way out of the situation. I've had otherwise acceptably attractive (and in a case or two, actually rather pretty-looking) girls that I've had "a bad feeling" about latch onto me, and when that happens there always seems to be uncomfortable drama in the end no matter approach I've taken (and I've tried ignoring them, being nice to them, being distant and indifferent, and even being aggressive or outright rude.) I've been trying to figure out what that "bad feeling" comes from, and I guess there's a sense that I don't really exist as an individual in her world, but rather only as a symbol of something else that I do not really fit into - like a pet or an object. (There's another thread on creepy guys somewhere on WrongPlanet, and generally the same descriptions can apply to some women.)

I think I've got looser tolerances on what is attractive than most people, but I've also run into a couple of women who've latched onto me but who was utterly unable to find any redeeming quality to - physically unattractive and emotionally and psychologically repulsive. For one example, there was a large girl who had caught me alone, backed me into a corner, touched me in a way that I found completely inappropriate, and gave explicit descriptions of some amateur porn films she'd been in, and what she'd like to do to me. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, and I'm horrified and saddened that being subjected to that sort of experience is almost a normal part of life.

But I think that's way off the track of the original post. I guess what I was getting at was that I don't think it could hurt anything to just spend time, be friends with, and even flirt with a girl that "isn't precisely a supermodel", unless there are deeper and more troubling reasons for finding her unattractive. I'm disturbed by some of the suggestions given for blowing the girl mentioned by the original poster off, but I'm also hesitant to encourage him to go against his instincts and be nice to a girl that he'll seriously regret bing involved with.