This woman is bending my mind into a pretzel!

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ViperaAspis
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24 Aug 2009, 1:53 am

Janissy wrote:
Those who have languished in the "friend zone" in their early 20's will now get the payoff of spending all that time with women even if not romantically... that guy who spent a lot of time being "just a friend" will be a fine husband to somebody at this point. So I don't think it's time wasted. I think it's time spent learning how to peacefully co-exist with women.


Seconded heartily! Worth repeating. And get as much of that peaceful co-existence experience as possible! You're going to need it :lol:


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billsmithglendale
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24 Aug 2009, 10:21 am

Aspie1 wrote:
This doesn't look promising, dude. She probably enjoys talking to you (hey, you make good company for her), but has no intention of ever dating you. She's probably using you as an online therapist of sorts. This works great for her, but for you, not so much. You could be using that time to talk to girls who do intend to date you at one point. Nowadays, the average amount to talk before meeting is two weeks; one month if you're new to online dating or don't get to talk online very often. If a girl doesn't show any interest in meeting me after two weeks of talking three to four times a week, I assume she has no intention of meeting me, and phase out communicating with her.

What I recommend doing is gradually phase out talking to her. Instead of going on the computer every night, start going four nights per week. (Skipping Fridays and Saturdays will make her think you're out having fun, thus raising your status in her eyes.) After a week or so, reduce communication to twice a week. Then to once a week. Then to even less. In time, she'll realize that you wised up to her time-wasting tricks, and find herself another target.

I actually used to think like you. One time, I spent nearly four months talking to a girl online, hoping to meet her eventually. At that point, I was desperate enough to wait that long. (Also, online dating was new at that point, so that was kind of the norm.) Things were going pretty well, and we finally scheduled a date. However, she backed out at the last minute by simply cutting off communication. Over the years, I lost all tolerance for time-wasters. Two to three weeks is my limit to talk to a girl before meeting her. If she doesn't seem interested in the idea after that time, I assume she's not interested in me and move on. Given the widespread acceptance of online dating, and the well-known precautions (meet in a public place, go during daylight hours, let friends know where you are), there is little or no excuse in putting off a because you "don't know a person".


I like your plan, Aspie1 -- it's subtle, gradual, and wages psychological warfare on someone who deserves it, yet is still kind. And if in fact by some weird chance this girl is interested, she'll never allow the phase-out to happen, because then she will have to take positive action on her end to maintain contact and actually go out on a date instead of jerking this guy around.

Glad to hear someone else chime in about time wasters, flakes, and users -- All of us have limited time here on Earth, it's best that we take action now to follow up with those who are promising, and dump those who are not.



billsmithglendale
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24 Aug 2009, 10:23 am

Butterflair wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
I also think that most women are far more sophisticated mentally, emotionally, and wise at age 18 than most men are.


As an older woman, I actually disagree with this statement. Women at 18 are physically mature and sexually driven by then, most are not emotionally or mentally wise. They can be flaky and overly emotional as they figure things out.

I still think you need to move on from this girl. You could ask first if she ever intends to date you but I think it's doubtful. Sorry.


I'm thinking you haven't met any 18 year old men (or boys, as they should probably more properly be known by) lately -- college age guys are very immature. Put them head to head with a college girl, they still lose out in the maturity realm 90% of the time. It's easy to forget this as you get older, but I live near men and women across the age spectrum, including college, and the guys are by far the least mature.