Why is it that the nice guys finish last?

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Or at least doing something more than sitting around crying about how you can't have everything you want.

Agreed!

What i've found, a lot of the people who *think* they're "nice guys" are really just jerks in denial.

I can think of a shedload of aspie males who fit this criteria.

Some are actually completely deluded into thinking they're nice guys when they are probably worse than the "jerks".

I've been here since 2008 and nothing much has changed in this forum. Whenever I see a guy call himself nice it's the same guy who thinks women are evil or that women are gold diggers.

What's funny is I see an odd pattern here. Many of the guys who seem to come off genuine don't make the incessant habit of calling themselves nice. I think it's easier for people to point the finger the other direction because they can't see it in themselves. The attitude comes kind of comes across as..."I'm not the one with the problem, you are!"

What exactly constitutes a nice guy who isn't a jerk?

I am simply uncomfortable with women I don't know well, but with women in my immediate family (my sister, my mother) I make no compromises. Or as you might say, I 'take no prisoners'. This always leads, in the case of my sister, to her thinking of me as an ass hole. But I do not think I would be a nice guy when in a relationship with a woman to whom I am not related.

Fits the theory that people are bastard coated bastards with bastard fillings.

For a start, one who doesn't call himself nice and then in the next breath turn around and call all women evil gold-digging b*****s.

rAmen! Well said, MissC. The progression from projecting one's fears and feelings to possessing them is a challenging one - and one that I've seen regardless of whether one is on the spectrum or not. It's always easier if the problem is external, the result of someone else's failings, instead of remaining accountable for our own actions. I don't believe in rewards or punishments, just consequences... regardless of whether they are positive or negative. We are what we do in this life.


M.

there is already a stickied thread.
Take it out there

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt75963.html

Slightly different topic, and free of two years of past vitriol - I don't have a problem with this topic standing by itself.


M.

Yes, it sure does. I've had a couple of uncomfortable experiences with guys like that. I can't speak for all women, but my personal encounters with guys like that have taught me to beware. Too often, the guys who are incessantly going on about how nice they are, are the ones who snap and get abusive or scary when they are rejected.

I think it ends up being a translation, sometimes:

I'm sure there are other variants, but this took long enough to come up with. This doesn't apply to all or even most situations, but it seems an apt sequence of perceptions based on some of my observations. Perhaps it is sad or telling that even as a male myself I'm developing a sense of misandry.


M.

If you were like me and had pretty much nothing but over 20 years of rejection, you'd be a little bitter, too. I used to be a so called nice guy. But with the constent rejection I find myself turning to jerk. I am a product of what happens to me.

You're a passive victim of circumstance? What's that like?

i would have given up trying after a short time. bitterness does not attract sweetness.
bitterness is like a black hole that sucks all that you see into a fatal swirl of futility that adds mass to it.
i think you have to just find something else to think about than girls, and put that immense energy you have into something that can make you happier.

is your only aim to get a soft female to "love" you, and who is also oblivious to your sore mind that is like a festering pit of dissatisfaction?

tell me why you should be loved by a pure hearted person. is it because you put in a lot of effort (angst mainly)?

in my mind, you are a very angry person who can not calm down enough to have fun and relax, and that may be why girls are not interested.

if you were not interested in them and happy with some other aspect of your life, some girls maybe would stand in your path wanting to talk to you, and you would have to step around them to get to your aims.

i think girls would feel that you are creepy if your only goal in life was to have them as lovers.

you maybe should forget about girls and find a way to be happy about a world you can live in, and then go out and girls may like to see what you see if they see you like what you see.

but all you see is negativity, and they may not like to pour their hearts down your drain.
i am sorry i should not post because i am not tired but i still am affected and i can be rude when i talk when i am not tired.




well you should not be a product of external things but a product of your own inner nature.
how strong is your inner nature? obviously it is drowned out by external experience.

i was born "me" and i am happy to remain "me" even if i do not know where i fit in to the world.

you seem very sore headed and i imagine your mind to be a festering boil filled with vicious bacteria.

you should maybe seek some medication and start again to look at your world.

god i am sorry i said this.