polymathpoolplayer wrote:
OK SilverStar I will address each issue, first with those areas that one should work on:
Social skills: like how? without friends or a psychologist? who's going to help? my family are all in denial; they say to get some thicker skin and stop making excuses - and BTW I have read 5-6 books on body language and have tried to use what the books teach but it is painfully slow and the books themselves are not in agreement.
Self-esteem issues: well there's only so much "visualizing" success a person can do before they just say "BS", that all the hard work at trying to not dwell on one's failures is not showing results so why bother. I will have greater self-esteem when I succeed better, not until then - all else and you're just kidding yourself.
Anxiety and Depression: OK while I somewhat agree - that's why I am taking Kava Kava which seems to help - but my high IQ will not be fooled - I know it's not really change per se but chemical change, so it's kinda phony.
Finding new hobbies: This has never been an issue I have many hobbies, in fact perhaps too many - again my IQ will not let me be fooled - it is just a diversionary tactic to avoid the painful truth about how AS hinders my life.
Now let's move on to THINGS THAT SHOULD STAY THE SAME according to you:
Core values: umm, actually my core value to be honest has to be ignored, along with that of always being on time as they're not only not appreciated but considered a nuisance; and always being nice or assuming the best in others HAD to change or else...
Personal beliefs: actually I disagree as I do not follow the majority opinion among my peers so I have to not talk about them; by being silent they do not really get to know me, but the alternative is worse....
Way of living/lifestyle: actually I disagree on this because the way of living is held captive by Aspie lack of social grace, so the lifestyle is one area that MUST change to better fit into the NT world. The lifestyle of a hermit is not my ideal despite what some people in my life have assumed...
Sense of humor (unless you have a poor sense of humor): well I have a decent one but honestly I think humor is a tool used by/on dumb people who have nothing else to say (at least it's better than talking about the weather but only marginally). Besides, you really have to be in a good mood to want to hear humorous stuff, and mostly I am too serious for that...humor seems a waste of psychic energy when so many serious things are happening on this planet...
Odd quirks/traits: again the NT world does NOT want to hear about these - they expect normality...
My conclusions are that if you are Aspie you need a personality makeover to obliterate yourself totally to fit in... nothing short of that is welcome by the NT world that is running things (one can hope not for long, but then no sense in getting your hopes up....) At time I wish I was someone totally different and could have had this second chance on the day I was born.
Sorry for the rant but I am starting to hate God as we the special children of this world do not deserve to get pissed on - it serves no useful purpose unless you assume God is a sadist and right now I am beginning to think so.
Sounds like you have a lot of frustration, anger, resentment, and negativity about your life, and towards other people. I understand where you are coming from, because I was in the same boat for the longest time, but I am slowly getting away from all of that. One thing that helped me the most, was learning not to care what people think of me. Anymore, I pretty much make up my own rules, and do what I like to do, and I don't care if people like it or not. I think people see me as a refreshing change of pace from their boring NT worlds, and are starting to like me better. That being said, I think most Aspies are born leaders (independant), not followers, so when they try to completely change themselves to fit the NT world, it doesn't work real well. It's kind of hard to explain, but kinda what I was trying to say, was that you can improve yourself to work with them and get along better with them, but that doesn't mean you have to think and act like them to make them like you. Does that make any sense?
MissConstrue wrote:
I've learned that most insecure people don't want to be themselves. The type of people I've seen act like this are either angry or defensive depending on the perception I get from them.
These days I'm finding myself getting along better with those who act content with themselves. Then again, I feel like I can be myself around these types of people so I guess it all depends on the type of people you're trying to attract or get with which was something I use to worry about. I've gotten to the point where I'm starting not to care about the pressures of being socially "normal" or "in" or whatever. I feel like I'm hanging around cup almost half empty whenever I'm around a person who is wrapped up in their own flaws.
Same here. I also find it difficult being around people that are stuck in their ways, or refuse to see, or deal with their own problems. There is this lady I work with that has some issues (possibly ADHD, OCD, past spousal abuse), and she is always blaming everything on other people, ect. It get's really old.
12 Sep 2009, 4:21 pm
