Signs of the "not potential partner"-zone.

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You just illustrated beautifully why they are not being honest with you. You think your feelings and preferences are more important than their safety. That makes you exactly the kind of creepy guy it is not safe to be honest with. These women are making the right choice.

i have an associate like you. he is a very intense person and girls are afraid of him because of his severe expectation for loyalty.

he feels very ingratiated by the fact that he sees pretty girls everywhere, and he sees men who he thinks are spiritually inferior to him getting these girls.

he thinks that women who get raped almost deserve it due to teasing uncontrollable men with their attire.

i feel very biased toward showing him the door when he comes to my place (very rarely), as i can never understand his gripes with girls he is having problems with.

they are not interested in him and he should move on and not remain in their area and scare them with retaliatory attitudes. whoever says "no" is allowed to say "no" and it can not be argued that they may not mean "NO" when they say it.

he gets very animatedly angry and thumps his fists on my tables in his annoyance at the fact that the girls he is smitten with are not interested in him, and i just have to get him out of here.

if you are happy with what you have, then others will see that you are happy and that is more important than what you are happy about to them.

they want to be happy and if they are given a billion dollars it will not help fundamentally to make for their true happiness. so when they see happiness in someone despite meagre assets, then they know you are in possession of a gem that lights your "empty soul", and they want to hang around and feel and know.

maybe get rid of that mask as it really is a creepy avatar. i always am swayed by your avatar that looks like a camouflage stocking over a bandits head. it makes me think there is something "seething" inderneath.

anyway i do not care and i do not know why i chose this post to respond to. sorry but i may as well post it as it took a few minutes to write.

Last edited by b9 on 31 Oct 2009, 10:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have AS. That means I take things literly. So if someone says to me "I just want to be friends" I think that is what they really mean, not that they are not interested at all. People need to say what they mean and mean what they say.

So excuse me if I am suposted to know what women really want when they say one thing and mean the total oppisite.

i do not take any notice of peoples words. their actions are more important to me.

it is more "literal" to take notice of actions than words.
words are just what someone blurts out in haste.

i am not ever influenced positively or negatively by what people say.
i do not feel injured if i am rejected by those i never chose to join.

it does not matter to me whether anyone actually loves me in reality.....i know i am "lovable" whether or not it is confirmed by any human.

i am not in a position where i feel that i need other peoples endorsement to prove to me what i have found out from living all my life inside me is valid.

it is weak to fall down because no one supports you.

maybe do not cry for support but excersize your own initiative and feel your life without having to validate it from an external viewpoint.

sorry i am past tired and into comatosely stupid and i will probably try to delete this tomorrow and be too late.

No, that means you have a strong inclination to take things literally, but you have the analytical bent to do otherwise and understand what's really going on if you choose. It may go against the grain, but you have the inherent capabilities to do it.



Oh for heaven's sake, you just proved yourself wrong. I never said you were supposed to know they meant, so you just chose to take what I said other than literally. Thus proving you can if you choose.

I'm sorry. I missed my post where I said it was OK for you to judge me. Do you know what I have been through in my life? Do you know what it means to always try and work on yourself, but you still don't get the little social cues, vocial tones, ect but you still miss what they really mean? I am always trying but I never get it. I am always think about what people said to me, how they said. "she said she wanted to be friends with me, but did she really mean it or is she just blowing me off in a nice way?". This is why I ask people to be straght forward and honest with me, just let me know one way or the other. I tell them I can't get the real message if they say one thing and they mean something else But even after I tell them this, they still are not honest with me.

If I knew what was wrong with me and why I was so off putting to women I'd fix it. But no one seems to know. They just say "I don't know why I don't like you romantically, just something about you" . Then you wonder why I'm frustrated.

No wonder that guy shot up that gym full of women. I can relate.

I agree with you on this. You have to remember that a lot of women out there aren't very straightforward about things. They confuse themselves, along with others. NT guys complain about the same things, so it's not just you.

When they say things like: I'm not ready to be in relationship, it's usually their polite way of saying they aren't interested in you. You basically have to decipher everything they say when it comes to relationships.

Wow, KenM, way to not take a whole lot more things literally, thus proving it's something you can do.

I see you've decided to pretend I'm talking to you about things I've never brought up. Sorry, but that whole Aspie-hyper-rationality thing means it's not going to fool me.

Go ahead and be confused by lies all you want. I've never said you shouldn't. Go ahead and be mad all you want that people aren't rushing to cater to your preferences ahead of their personal safety. I've never told you not to be mad, just that your anger isn't reasonable in this instance.

I certainly never said I wonder why you're frustrated. I know exactly why you're frustrated. You simmer with burning resentment because women aren't doing what you want them to do. They pick up on that, and being sane, want nothing to do with such a person romantically.

You can't possibly not know. You just typed it yourself. It's right here:

Having a resentment towards women for rejecting him is a problem, but it isn't his main problem. He want's to know why women rejected him in the first place.

It's a subset of his main problem, which, as I keep repeating, is that he gets resentful when people don't put his preferences above things like their safety. If you're going to go around resenting people for not catering to you to that level, yeah, it'll cause you ongoing problems.

I'd guarantee the biggest problem, from experience rather than actually seeing him, is how he looks, how he vibes up, the immediate impression that women have of him just by his genetic outward features - IMO the opposite sex likely dislikes him for him regardless of what he's thinking or feeling. Resentment doesn't smooth things over of course but, its definitely effect rather than cause. I know enough guys who could internally be raging misogynists and I doubt it would stop women from falling all over them, if they opened their mouths with such thoughts it would likely just take their prospects down from most women down to perhaps half or 1/3.

I totally agree, I know guys who are total sexist and see women nothing more than sex tools , yet they are ladies men. All these guys are handsome and have excellent bodies.

HH is representing women as if they have some kind of mind-reading power , they do not, humans can't read others' minds.

I have nothing to go on but posts. However, I can still get a feel for people from posts. My best guess at why women are put off by you is that when they are with you they feel that they are alsways on trial- that if they ever say anything that could be taken as a white lie or even a change of heart or a change of mind or not knowing exactly how they feel at all times that you will be angry with them. I certainly couldn't spend time with a man who was always grilling me on my feelings with an eye towards catching me out and saying "that's not how you said you felt yesterday". Your committment to unswerving honesty and fury at anything that smacks of even changing one's mind is probably what scares women away. If you insist on sticking to it and constantly getting angry at women, they will insist on staying away from you. If you want a relationship, you will have to cut women more slack. If you won't cut women more slack on principle, you are unlikely to ever have a relationship.

Take heed of b9. He takes things literally too. But he takes actions literally and sees the things people say as sometimes being just stuff that babbles out of their mouths. He has this in common actually with a hefty chunk of the NT population. If you could adopt that view too and stop grilling women and getting angry at them, women wouldn't be put off. I agree with b9 about the avatar too. People choose avators that speak to something within themselves (his is a robot, I don't have one because I actually don't want to advertise my inner being). It implies seething rage underneath a scary mask. That's what posters see at WP and it is possible that the women you date (but only for a few dates) sense that too. Women aren't going to date a man who seethes with barely repressed rage at them.

The two aren't separate issues. If you spend that much energy being angry over unreasonable things, it's going to affect how you "look" to others.

Plus, he seems to be talking about cases where he got well past the first impression -- the phrase "trying for months" for example. The more time spent around him, the more obvious the anger problem will be.

he's too fat, and he's not admitting that his weight affects their sexual attraction toward him...