It's Really Not an NT or Aspie Thing....

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Fair enough; but if you don't work at it, it will never change. And if it is that bad, then do something different and unexpected - take notes. Just stop repeating the same pattern. Do you expect to get what you are looking forward without putting forth the effort yourself first?


M.

Toad, I really can't agree strongly enough with Makuranososhi. Pick one thing you can do differently, and start with that. Don't let yourself get overwhelmed by all the "what ifs" and obstacles - start very small, and commit to one change.

Dupe deleted.

Toad: Everybody always says that once you quit looking you'll find the person. You have to let go of the reigns a little bit....

I had a crush on this big guy in high school but I never went for him because he always had a bunch of girl friends and I always assumed he was interested in at least one of them....just saying that might be another reason...

I don't know if I could just trust fate to deliver is the problem... Fate has dealt me nothing but crappy hands all my life, why would it be any different now?

Toad, I think you're overwhelmed, and I think there are a lot of issues combining to create a "perfect storm" of anxiety and inaction. Have you thought about finding a therapist who specializes in AS? They would probably be better equipped to help you come up with a plan of action.

well apparently my mother is looking for a therapist or counselor of some kind. I'm scared though, because they're going to want to drug me up again. The last time I was put on counseling (compelled to go because of combined being a minor ordered by my parents, and ordered by my school after a meltdown), they put me on Prozac. It was a low dosage to be sure, but it did some really weird things to me. I started to feel happy against my will (yes, it sounds confusing, because it is), and the happiness I did feel seemed unnatural to me. While the pain I experience now lessened dramatically, I also felt as though I wasn't in control of my own thoughts anymore. After about 2 years on the stuff, I was able to reel in my own emotions and establish direct control over them, so that they wouldn't cause a meltdown anymore, and thus I was able to remove myself from the program. But now I'm afraid my mother will use her economic leverage over me to make me go again.

Toad, it is possible that Prozac wasn't the right medication for you. There are all kinds of anti-depressants available, and there's probably one that will work well for you. Please keep in mind that anti-depressants exist to treat a chemical imbalance in the brain, just like hundreds of other medications exist to treat other physical ailments. If you can get your mood stabilized, I'm sure you'll be able to make a plan to achieve other goals in your life.

Toad if you were a minor last time maybe you didn't have any control over being medicated, but as an adult you can make your own decisions about that. If your parents want you to go, I'd recommend going and seeing the counselor and making them actually do their job and not just simply try to dope you out. You have that much control, at the very least.

Wow, I can't believe I missed this sticky or the OP. Absolutely true. I think in a lot of ways my preference would be to date what you would call a functional NT, partly because it seems like a certain stretch of my emotion and thought doesn't belong to the on-spectrum sphere (and I need to be able to share that), partly also because while I'm sure there are women with AS who would be greatly compatable - rarity and distance make me inaccessible to them and them inaccessible to me, I get the feeling then again that many aspies who do have themselves together...perhaps wouldn't avoid or take a pass in regard to going to web forums, people do get curious about these things, but I think its quite likely that they just don't show up in the same numbers for several reasons.

I find myself quite lucky in this sense - I have a good radar for being able to vibe up character, and particularly with women and telling who I'm dealing with my ability to pick out a girl who has herself together and especially who has her head in a compatable space to my own - its pretty sharp, trouble is I think just moving out of Cleveland, OH - they're pouring out in droves unfortunately.

Excellent post.

Also, just that NT's aren't diagnosed with anything, doesn't mean they're completely, utterly ***NORMAL***.
Everyone has had their own experiences and genes, and I think everyone therefore has their own weaknesses.

My ex-girlfriend seemed normal, but as I got to know her better she seemed to be very distrusting of people.
Seemed she was often lied to by her mother, and beaten, and more messed up stuff like that.

My other ex-girlfriend seemed normal, but she was actually very insecure, pretty depressed.
Seemed her father had cheated on her mother (then they divorced), and that her sister had been raped by some guy once.

Everyone has their own stories and personality traits.
Everyone is messed up in one way or another.
There is no "normal".

Wish I had read your post before I married my first wife(now divorced). Now remarried to another NT but really floundering because I dont have any idea how it should be