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"You can't love another until you love yourself"

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hartzofspace
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29 Jan 2010, 12:39 am

AutisticMalcontent wrote:
[If you aren't confident and sure of yourself, you can't really
love someone else because you have unresolved issues of your own that take a higher
priority over finding someone else and trying to love them. How can you love another
person if you are consumed by personal doubts and inner conflict?

I have to say that I agree with this. The reason, is that it has proven to be true. For most
of my life, I suffered from PTSD, due to past abuse, both in childhood and adulthood. I
went celibate for a long time, because I feared further abuse. During that time, I wasn't
able to even date. I had self doubt, low self esteem, and doubted that anyone could ever
love me. In truth, l had difficulty even accepting myself. After years of introspection and
therapy, I gradually begin to view myself as a person of worth, and began to realize that I
had much to offer in a relationship. After that, I began dating again.

Because of my self new found acceptance,( I don't call it self love, because my Aspie
minds interprets love of self as narcissism :) ) I was able to attract a healthy relationship.


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Tim_Tex
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29 Jan 2010, 2:19 pm

I don't think anyone truly hates themselves, but they hate certain circumstances that they have to deal with.


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alana
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29 Jan 2010, 8:07 pm

Vance wrote:
I've heard versions of this phrase a few times before, and mulled over it a bit when my last relationship seemed to be stagnating somehow. I've never quite understood it, though. Is it impossible to be loved by someone if you have very low self esteem? Or does a low opinion of yourself somehow interfere with your own capacity to feel true love for another person?

If anyone agrees with the phrase, can you explain your idea of the logic behind it?


I don't agree. If you have low self esteem there are plenty of people out there with equally low self-esteem, there should be a 'match-made-in-hell.com' for people to meet up on. I think the higher your amount of self-respect the more likely you are to attract a tenable relationship (in which it's less likely some baseline unacceptable behaviors will show up and derail it).



Salonfilosoof
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29 Jan 2010, 10:15 pm

Self-confidence is one of the most appealing traits in a man for a woman, next to a classy look, a good taste of humor and a sixpack. Therefore it is important to at least appear self-confident if you want to appeal to women.

Also, self-confidence makes you more emotionally independent in a relationship and therefore more likely to keep the dominance within the relationship balanced between you and your girlfriend. You don't want to become her boytoy or her floor mat she can walk all over all the time.