What do you think are some major causes of Aspie rejection?

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billsmithglendale
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17 Aug 2010, 1:03 pm

Spyral wrote:

billsmithglendale wrote:

I dunno, I see plenty of geek guys and girls hooking up. I know that describes me and my wife, and we met back in the college years. I would suggest, however, that some geek girls are guilty of the same thing that geek guys are in the younger ages -- going for the most physically beautiful/handsome specimen vs. someone on their tier or with the same interests. I guess we all want the perfect 10 in looks for ourselves before we get some perspective, get real, and adjust our tastes to meet reality.

I think that is the key problem. At my age now, most guys have grown out of this geeky phase or whatever and want a normal girl to settle down with. The only guys I meet that are into the stuff I am are way too young and they all want to hook up with the cute young girls. I feel like maybe I've missed the boat and am destined to be single. Which sucks because it's definitely a world built for couples.

Do guys grow out of their geekiness? I can see guys having to get more serious about life and having less time to dedicate to hobbies, but I've yet to meet a reformed nerd who became perfectly "normal." If you're looking for geeks, you need go no farther than your local trekkie conference, trainspotting group, WoW clan, etc.

To me, geekiness has been a life-long lifestyle

Erisad
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17 Aug 2010, 2:23 pm

Well, for me it's a combo of being an Aspie and not having the body type guys want. Guys want an hour-glass figure, not a barrel figure. If I were NT and barrel-shaped, it may have turned out better or if I were aspie and drop-dead gorgeous. Either way, I'm perpetually lonely. :/

lotusblossom
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17 Aug 2010, 2:32 pm

Erisad wrote:

But on the 'hot aspies' thread people have repeatedly told you that you are gorgeous and beautiful so its simply not true to say your not attractive.

You need to buy some 'building confidence and self esteem' books or seek counselling.

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17 Aug 2010, 2:36 pm

lotusblossom wrote:

Erisad wrote:

That's cuz those pics only showed my face, not the rest of me. The amount of fat I have negates any "hotness" I may have had. D:

Also, I hate counselors. I went through a slew of them during my anger phase. They didn't help with that so they wouldn't be able to help with this. I just swing between happy, depressed and stressed. D:

lotusblossom
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17 Aug 2010, 2:42 pm

Erisad wrote:

lotusblossom wrote:

Erisad wrote:

your 'rene' photos showed your figure and people still thought you looked gorgeous.

A therapist who specialised in weight issues would have more to offer you than a general counsellor. Just because things didnt work out with one counsellor doesnt mean 'all counsellors' cant help.

I really think CBT would help you as you seem to castatrophise and generalise in a negative way. But in the end its your choice to change or seek help and only you can do it, you have to choose whether you want to feel this way always or if you would like to have a 'happy life'.

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17 Aug 2010, 2:47 pm

lotusblossom wrote:

Erisad wrote:

lotusblossom wrote:

Erisad wrote:

No it didn't. My stomach and the rest of my lower half were out of that shot, otherwise I would never have posted it. D:

It wasn't just one counselor. I had about 5 in my lifetime. They all didn't do a damn thing. We're also tight on money so seeking professional help is out of the question at this point. D:

I don't know what CBT is. D:

nick007
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17 Aug 2010, 3:22 pm

NOT all guys are like that thou Erisad. Some guys wouldn't mind being with a woman who's very overweight(I wouldn't) but guys who don't mind are more apt to be overweight themselves but lots of overweight guys do go for hot women as well. I wish people wer realstic about what they can & cant get & wer attracted to others who are not perfect. I do have problems but I would NOT mind being with someone who also had problems but it seems very few women are interested in guys with problems even thou those women have problems themselves

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Erisad
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17 Aug 2010, 4:36 pm

nick007 wrote:

I know, right? Granted, I know some skinny girls who have mental issues that are waaaaaaaaaay worse than mine and they STILL have more luck with men than I do. I dun get it. I guess guys my age are just as*holes. I probably wouldn't mind so much if I didn't have to see so many of my friends hooking up, getting engaged/married and having kids. I'm happy for them, hell I'm a bridesmaid in one of my friend's wedding next year, but I would like to get some love for a change. D:

nick007
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17 Aug 2010, 5:14 pm

Lots of women are very superficial. I know some good guys who keep meting women who use em & they always end up hurt in relationships. One of my freinds just went true a bankruptcy as a result. He moved in with her to try & help her & her family out with problems & he got completely played. Being a nice guy totally sux. Most of my women freinds come to me to complain about the jerks they keep falling for yet those women never have any interest in being with a guy who actually respects & cares about em because they do not like those guys in "that way". I wonder if I can turn gay cuz homosexuals like me & it's plainly obvious that women are NOT interested in me

Last edited by nick007 on 17 Aug 2010, 5:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

sunshower
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17 Aug 2010, 5:16 pm

Willard wrote:

Aah, there's the rub. 'where change is possible'. I realize this is literally incomprehensible when you don't have the same gap in your brain that we have, but sometimes compromise is not an option. There are times when we simply cannot function in any manner other than the one we already do (sometimes it's taken years to find the one way that will work for us). That's why it's a disability, a handicap.

Again, this is the invisible quality of the disorder. When someone is missing a leg, you can see that they can't stand up, so you don't get angry with them when they can't help you carry something upstairs, and you know better than to even ask when you need help pushing your car out of the mud. But when you ask a High Functioning Autistic who appears relatively normal and functional to change a behavior or a routine and they say "I can't" suddenly they're just being difficult. They don't care enough about you to adapt. NO, they have a gap in their brain that makes the entire world different and more difficult than the world you're living in.

G'waaaaan...tell me I'm making excuses...

Imagine this: You have lived your entire life in a home in which there are invisible holes of various sizes in the floor. If you step in one, you'll fall into the basement and hurt yourself, or snap an ankle. You've grown up in this house, so over the years, you've managed to learn where the holes are and roughly how large or small, so you can navigate through the house without injury, as long as nothing distracts you while you're walking across the room.

Now someone special comes into the environment, someone you genuinely care about and surprise! They can walk through the house with impunity, because for them the holes don't seem to be there at all! No matter where they go, or what path they take through any room, the floor is solid and safe. But because they don't experience the gaps in the floor, they view your roundabout paths through the house as just odd and ridiculously unnecessary.

In fact, after a while the other person gets downright frustrated with you because you take more than twice as long to get from room to room as they do. They begin to berate you and tell you "You know, you really need to stop that silly weaving as you walk, it's getting on my nerves. If you actually loved me, you'd cut that out." Eventually it escalates to "If you can't learn to walk straight through the rooms, we're through."

But wanting to be accepted as one is, is just a refusal to compromise.

This is a really really good analogy. I've never been in a long-term relationship, or lived with someone, but I can imagine it would be like this. Living with my family could be like this at times.

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foreveryoung
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17 Aug 2010, 5:31 pm

I think it boils down to a few things...most important, the lack of physical attraction on the woman's part. Aspie men don't tend to be models or the kind of muscular jock guy that young women want. Then the lack of social skills and social intelligence. Then the weird interests/different lifestyle.

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17 Aug 2010, 5:33 pm

nick007 wrote:

I have the same thoughts sometimes. Women hit on me a lot and wish I were open to being with a woman. Sadly, I'm not.

foreveryoung
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17 Aug 2010, 5:48 pm

What's with the pity party?

Nick, if you want a girlfriend, stop being a pushover who listens to women's problems who he isn't dating, go to the gym, get more fashionable clothes, and get a girlfriend.

Erisad, you can play the "I'm a chubby girl" card all you want...but even chubby Aspie women can get boyfriends. Maybe not the hunk you want, but you can find a guy in the same situation as yourself...a lonely overweight guy like Toad, to love you for you.

I'd like to be having sex with Lindsay Lohan right now, but I'm not a hunk, rich or famous.

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17 Aug 2010, 6:06 pm

foreveryoung wrote:

What's with the pity party?

Erisad, you can play the "I'm a chubby girl" card all you want...but even chubby Aspie women can get boyfriends. Maybe not the hunk you want, but you can find a guy in the same situation as yourself...a lonely overweight guy like Toad, to love you for you.

I'd like to be having sex with Lindsay Lohan right now, but I'm not a hunk, rich or famous.

This is a thread about rejection so of course there isn't going to be much self-confidence present.

Not in college they can't. Believe me, I tried. I'm not asking for a hunk either, they tend to be too superficial and selfish for my liking. I'm completely ignored no matter what I do. Fat girls are treated as genderless by guys my age. :/

Also, you don't want to have sex with Lindsay Lohan, she has more diseases than a manged cat. XD

foreveryoung
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17 Aug 2010, 6:14 pm

The reason you're not having luck is because the kind of guy that's compatible for you isn't likely to make the first move. He's likely to be just as insecure as you. If a woman like yourself went up to Toad on the street and talked to him, you'd make his life.

Erisad
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17 Aug 2010, 6:21 pm

foreveryoung wrote:

People keep mentioning this Toad guy but I don't know who he is. I may have seen a post of his before but I have a crappy memory. D:

I'd either make him happy or he'd accuse me of being a stalker. The latter has happened to me before. Insecure guys can be a pain in the ass, especially if they think I'm going to break into their room and rape them and won't take anyone's word for it that I wouldn't do that. :/

To be honest, I'm tired of making the first move because all the relationships/incidents that followed were a huge disaster. I guess I should have listened to Mom when she said to always wait for the guy. But then again, she was gorgeous and had 28 boyfriends before she married my dad at age 22. D:

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