Why is being "clingy" seen as bad?

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Its not that. Its your self esteem. Being self defeated is not attractive, you need to work on that before expecting to find anyone.

Didn't you say you've had one GF before? Some of the people here are older than you and had none.

Clingy is easily one of the more benign dysfunctional behaviours in a relationship, but it's certainly the most annoying.

In my experience, the girls I've known just have very low self-esteem. They sometimes view themselves as being abused (they sometimes have been verbally), but it's usually just chronic low self-esteem. It seems as if they would enjoy caring for their partners as they never received adequate care (IMO) themselves, but ironically they are very, very (emphasis on the very, lol) selfish. Some of the hardest friends I've had to deal with. They do spend a lot of time with their boyfriends, but then turn around and tell me how they don't care about them, etc...how they do stuff to just keep him happy, keep him around. I'll never understand their relationships. This is only my experience though, not every girl who fits that codependent stereotype will be like that, of course. And I'm a little bit younger than you, you might have more experience in observing people

I should stop talking about my friend's relationships now, don't want to depress anyone, lol.

That's what I was thinking, but didn't want to say it

Toad...I don't know if this helps, but I felt this same way before my first relationship (I don't know if you've had a relationship or not). After that first relationship, I gained a lot of confidence and having a partner just wasn't a big deal anymore.

I had a whole lot more confidence while I was in the relationship, but afterwards, not as much. A little more than I had going in, perhaps, but mere scraps compared to what I felt during...

It's kinda hard to not feel defeated when you can't even do anything right...

I did, but she decided that she didn't feel that way about me. Problem is that I still felt "that way" about her. I did my best (and am still doing my best) to not let that feeling get in the way now, but it's hard for me, knowing that there was a woman out there that actually saw something worthwhile in me, to give up hope in her, as giving up hope in the remote and practically non-existent possibility of getting back with my ex is giving up all hope in anything... She was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and i screwed it up. And you ask why I doubt myself...

I think I know how you feel ToadOfSteel. There was only one person I ever felt understood & accepted me. That was like 7 years ago. I wish I could tell you things will get easier for & you will find someone but I won't because I've been looking for someone for 6 years now & I've had no luck except possibly bad. I'm not sure how old you are, how long ago that ended or anything but I still dwell on that stuff. That was the only time in my life I ever felt truly happy & functional. I've tried numerous searches for places where I could possibly find a woman who could relate to me but I've had no luck. The only positive thing I can think of to tell you rite now apart from the your not alone thing is that years ago before that whole thing began; I was extremely unhappy & angry & was not thinking bout relationship stuff. I was posting/complaining/ranting about stuff & she was the one person who I felt truly cared. I do NOT agree with the advice your getting here about needing self-esteem because I was an exception. Asking women out offline, trying dating sites ect have NOT worked for me. Part of the rezone I joined WP is because I'm hoping that a girl will relate to my post about stuff & take an interest in me.. That was the one thing that worked for me years ago when I was not even trying so maybe that approach will work again. I'm not sure what else to say rite now but if you or anyone else wants/needs to talk; feel free to message me

I kind of understand, I guess. Maybe I'm not quite as wounded by feeling unloved and lonely, but I did fail to be a Gentleman. It didn't just end, which would be acceptable, I was also unable to prevent a bad ending. My younger self wasn't called "the Diplomat" for nothing, but evasion generally trumps diplomacy.
That I didn't find an opportunity to let it end on friendly terms is a defeat if I ever saw one. I lost more than I would have lost if I had gained more trust. Though I don't quite know how - maybe I could have been trusted more if I had second-guessed her generousities frequently.

From my experience, most people generally don't like it when people are clingy towards them. I have been clingy in the past, but I learn from my mistakes and also the fact that I myself wouldn't like somebody to be clingy with me. I need my space.

This is a tough one to answer, because everyone has their own definition of clinginess.

I know that in a relationship, I crave affection and quality time with a mate, and don't have as much of a need for alone time as I used to (maybe 30-45 minutes a day).

Some people, however, prefer a lot of alone time, and don't want to deal with the emotional aspects of relationships, and consider any need of emotional support or encouragement to be clinginess (the "bad" kind).