Do women not like aspie guys?
Aspie guys = hawt.
They are. i can cite a number of them.
They are a package which in many cases contains humour and intelligence.
I even date one, and they come with my recommendation.
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Last edited by zen_mistress on 31 May 2010, 1:50 am, edited 2 times in total.
Depends on the aspie guy. If he is like my VERY aspie great-uncle who only says good morning to people he is not close to, and whose main non-scientific interest is old films, then you might end up like my formerly suicidal great-aunt.
If he is like my teacher's son, good looking, smart and politically rebellious, he will have girls after him. He dated unusually early for an Asian aspie. Women can like intellectual, funny, rebellious men. When I took the online persona of a freethinking, helpful, clever guy, some girls seemed to like me superficially of course. (My 2 friends did the same thing and had even better results with women. They're both girls anyway.)
Personally, I like introverted clever NT's. I don't really know about Aspie because I've never met an aspie guy. But one of the guys I fancied probably has an Aspie mum.
all said and done an Aspie guy has a chance provided he is good looking, freethinking and intellectual. The drawback or advantage is that you will likely attract an intellectual/nerdy/geeky girl, who even in their dressing isn't too "feminine", are less likely to cheat on their boyfriends.
poppyx
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O.k., yeah, you can attract NT girls.
However, if you want the relationship to last without multiple horrible breakups that always involve the words, "What is wrong with you?"
You need to tell them you have AS pretty soon into the relationship, and more importantly you need to at least read about AS men in relationships.
"22 Things a Woman Should Know if She Loves a Man With Asperger Syndrome" by Rudy Simone is a list of things AS guys do in relationships--and my case my aspie blamed me for all of his AS-related behaviors in our relationship.
Seriously, if you really want a relationship with an NT, you need to read about them--it's not the same thing as being a friend.
Ive though about this question a lot and I think this is the answer.
As men our primary selection criteria is physical beauty.
But NT womens primary selection criteria seems to be high social status/value.
If the woman works at a restaurant this could be the manager.
If shes religious it could be the head of her church.
If she plays tennis it could be the local pro from her tennis club.
A man with high social value might just be a well know character with in her
regular social group. He could be fat and not have much money or fame but with in
that group hes well known and respected.
Women dont like to admit this but think about the evidence.
Have you ever seen an old man from a nursing home with a hot girl friend because
he funny and has great personality. Yet put him on a yacht and make him the CEO
of a company and it happens all the time.
Men of any age who are loners rarely have hot girl friends. Just go out on the street and look around.
Aspies dont generally hold high status positions in life because of the way that the majority of NTs respond to us. Aspies see social groups as a flat structure where everybody is of equal importance.
NT see all social groups a pyramid structure and they no there place in the group.
Two friends of mind decided to devoice reality for a year and just spend all their time playing world of war craft. One was an Aspie. He chose a spell casting character and slunk around at the back of the group in a low key supporting role. The other an NT chose to be this giant bear that led the group and told the other players what to do. One of the other players was a nerdy female engineering student from Canada. She became attracted to the NT. They formed a relationship online and with in a year they got married. She was totally taken by the NT even though she had never met him just because of the was he carried himself in the game.
Mark.
Everyone, remember this.
I can manange to hold high status (I'm not a loner at all, I have tons of friends) and have all my friends thinking I'm this nice, cool guy. It's definitely true that social status gets you laid, but it merely gets you laid. It doesn't get you girlfriends. Girls just get bored with my personality and move on after a few weeks.
I've had hot lovers, but not really girlfriends in the longer term / more intimate sense.
I mean, the longer-term girlfriends were less head-turners, the lovers were attracting plenty of male attention. There's a logic there, I don't like to compete on other peoples' terms.
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That 'emulator' concept of processing social data is a new one to me, but makes perfect sense.
"No man can hold what the darkness can sow" - Agents Of Oblivion - Hangman's Daughter.
Mosaicofminds I have been thinking alot about this, I think my problem comes because a few years ago I went through regaining memories from the past and now I am relearning because of the probable As (I am booking the assessment tomorrow!) I worked in a large building with a wide array of people, while I politely talked to anyone I hung out with mainly a group of people that were, a man who liked the country and calligraphy, male poet, man who likes windmills and beer and a computer geek among others. I noticed and it was pointed out that our table have lively and varied debates filled with humor but the other tables would glance over at us and be subdued /bored.
The other thing I have realized is I dated someone who was a cocky, banter sort of man knowing I would not settle with someone like this but thought it would be fun. Boy was I wrong ! While he was charming and could joke he didnt have any burning questions that he had to find the answer to, his jokes weren't based on a distortion of reality(I think thats what I mean)they just lacked something and didnt partake in any mental stimulation, I found it very boring, craved mental stimulation and could not take it !
hale_bopp "I mean aspies have the short end of the stick, especially men as aspie women and their lack of socail skills isn't too important."
In my experience I would disagree. I met a man who I thought was gorgeous, he just sparkled with amazing qualities, I knew him for a year and I could never figure out if he liked me He would do something like invite me to take photographs of the beam of sun in his shed (long story) and I didnt know if he meant literally that or it was an excuse because he fancied me. I dont seem to be able to think of a way to find out what people mean without going away thinking about it and then coming back by which time I would feel like an idiot for having to take so much time (why cant I just say "are you asking me out on a date" how hard is that !?). And I could not just go because I needed to know which it was before hand. For a year I kept a tally of reasons why I think he likes me and why not, it was so frustrating All because I didnt understand I need to take time out and make myself understand a situation, not having enough guts to just come out with something myself........That is why I was so happy to see that whos available descriptions because it took me along time to meet someone like him and now I know where I can find another And he was dyslexic HHhhmmmm growing trend !
poppy "22 Things a Woman Should Know if She Loves a Man With Asperger Syndrome" by Rudy Simone"
Thank you going to amazon now ! (does it have the garden shed answer in it !?)
The other thing I have realized is I dated someone who was a cocky, banter sort of man knowing I would not settle with someone like this but thought it would be fun. Boy was I wrong ! While he was charming and could joke he didnt have any burning questions that he had to find the answer to, his jokes weren't based on a distortion of reality(I think thats what I mean)they just lacked something and didnt partake in any mental stimulation, I found it very boring, craved mental stimulation and could not take it !
hale_bopp "I mean aspies have the short end of the stick, especially men as aspie women and their lack of socail skills isn't too important."
In my experience I would disagree.
I certainly wouldn't. I get talking to girls, they seem nice, but there's quite often something 'weird' about me that puts them off... at least as far as I can tell.
I even got pissed off with one for giving me her number and email then just ignoring me or something. I then recognised her in a club and didn't harass her, but she thought I was curious (when I was), and without prompting, told me something like "just because I give you my number [AND email, seemed like there was a will there] doesn't mean..." I couldn't understand this at all, I mean it's one thing sobering up, meeting the person and realising it isn't worth it first date, but why make a decision either way if you can't possibly have enough information to judge?
It was no loss in this case, just really puzzling...
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That 'emulator' concept of processing social data is a new one to me, but makes perfect sense.
"No man can hold what the darkness can sow" - Agents Of Oblivion - Hangman's Daughter.
Daemonic-Jackal
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It was no loss in this case, just really puzzling...
That sounds to me like she was trying to cover something up, i.e someone else showed interest in her and she just wanted to get you out of the way or one of her friends managed to make her change her mind about you in which case, she's clearly far too easy influenced by the people around her.
Either way, you didn't do anything wrong, and your better off without that sort of woman entering in your life.
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poppyx
Toucan
Joined: 12 May 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 260
Location: Austin, Texas--Where else?
Honestly, I'm an NT, and I have a profile up on a major dating website.
I get like one or two people a month talking to me because I'm a certain kind of professional, I'm forty, never married, no kids, and not very thin. (although I work out a lot)
There are as many reasons for rejecting people as there are stars in the heaven.
Maybe she didn't like your hair.
It was no loss in this case, just really puzzling...
Dude, she is a b*tch. Or a c*ckblock, which is a subtype of b*tch. That isn't your fault.
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It was no loss in this case, just really puzzling...
Dude, she is a b*tch. Or a c*ckblock, which is a subtype of b*tch. That isn't your fault.
I know, you're definitely right. But normally a b***h'd be after a good time by that point, not more. Maybe she's the kind who needs the right type of drugs or booze and is quite different with different tastes when not on them. If you knew the full context and places this was you'd know this makes sense. I ain't annoyed, she would have wasted my time.
_________________
That 'emulator' concept of processing social data is a new one to me, but makes perfect sense.
"No man can hold what the darkness can sow" - Agents Of Oblivion - Hangman's Daughter.
I have learnt two very important lessons. Your brain can lie to you for self preservation and that can make the world a very different place to the one you think it is. And unless you fully understand how your brain works compared to other peoples what seems like other people doing you harm can actually be because you dont understand that your brain does not work the way you think it does and you have to work hard to understand how you feel about something and how to convey that. I thought he was a *@!?........ and it felt like he had literally got a knife and stabbed me in the heart and then kept doing it, I moved to the other side of the country, calmed down but still could not understand until I learnt about the way my brain works. I dont know how much if any is his fault but I do know for him to keep doing it until I couldn't take any more he must have either genuinely liked me or been a right *$!?.....and as there was no group involved I assume it was genuine !
You know that she liked you to give you her phone number and email, if it had been in a malicious/bitchy way you would have seen the evidence by now. Why she didnt follow up is harder there could be any number of explanations, she could have had a genuine reason emergency to deal with, building up enough courage, she may not see it as a big thing to give out her details.....? And she was scared off by the way you contacted her and might have had a go at you because you tried to many times to contact her? Or she could be the sort of person who acts on impulse with no thought to other people. The only way I have been able to deal with these things is to understand the parts where I was wrong and except the responsibility. Try to work out all the possible explanations for their behavior, accept that you may never know the answer, stick it in a filing cabinet in your brain for future reference and try again. There are some things you have to let go or they eat you from within. I personally would not look for a date in a nightclub because of the type of people you tend to get there and because they are possibly on drugs or had drink which changes people to much and I find it hard to tell what people are really like, far to many people playing games and they tend to say any amount of crap just to pull.
Whatever her reasons you should be flattered that she obviously found you attractive and if you did try to contact her to many times it was a genuine misunderstanding, if she is a decent person she will have guilt to deal with for being so rude to you, if not be grateful you had a lucky escape ! !! !
It is shyness and a lack of confidence, caused more by the "manly culture" we're stuck in right now, rather than any "syndrome" or "disorder" that anyone may have.
Asperger's is pretty irrelevant when it comes down to it, down there with dyslexia, minor learning disabilities, and anything else that overprotective mothers label their children with. The only difference is (it seems) you guys love to separate yourselves by saying you have it.
techstepgenr8tion
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While I won't disagree that everyone (with or without AS) can have these problems, hearing from other people - whether you want to believe it or not, that you're fundamentally different - not in a good way, being treated as though all of your instincts are fundamentally wrong or as if you come up short just by the nature of being you, having this neurological state be a build that cannot change with practice (seemingly knowledge can but knowledge can only optimize neurology so far); all of this has very broad and far reaching implications. Even when you can do enough augmentation to yourself that you lose your hereditary 'faultiness' in instinct, what you're left with is such a cerebral set of impulses that you can yes, have decent social skills and be on point but the opposite sex is left vexed because what they're seeing isn't hereditary, isn't natural or worldly enough, so - they typically speaking won't accept that either. That of course stacks to the paradigm (aside from the AS issue) that the world fundamentally treats people differently of all walks of life - based on appearance, mannerisms, where when most people try to ambitiously overshoot their 'box' they gain little or no traction with the world around them.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying its impossible, but, understanding that you'll understand a little better why a lot of people are struggling as much as they are.
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