Qualities you want in a guy/girl?

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I like girls who are tomboyish, laid-back, a little monotone, physically active, and not clingy. If they're trying too hard to get a guy's attention, or if they're obsessed with constant contact, it's a real turn-off. Really, the best girls are the ones who seems like one of the guys.

I don't know yet, because I haven't found that person.

I could write a list of qualities I don't want though, although I can compromise on these to a certain extent.

Stupidity
Intolerance
Racism
Sexism
Weakness of Character
Lack of drive
Cruelty/nastiness/bullying behaviour
Laziness
Immaturity
Shallow mindedness
Disinterest in intellectual discussion.

Someone who understands that I can go a bit crazy sometimes, (ok a lot of times), has good morals, a good heart, and smart. I don't care if they're not really hot, just ok looking. What matters is on the inside

^^
Same here.

Okay, this one is easier to answer to me than what my ideal gf is...so...here are qualities that I would want. I hope I'm not too shallow...

1) Honesty! - No mind games! Please, don't trick me into anything, and if it is your fault, please say so. I am always the first to admit when I'm wrong or if it is my fault. I would only hope the same in her.

2) Gentle - I don't want a woman that speaks or yells loudly into my ear...I'm very sensitive to sounds and frequencies - someone who is soft spoken but assertive. I also mean this in a physical sense too.

3) Compassionate and Caring - someone got hurt? If I hear from a woman, "too bad for him" or even worse, "sucks to be you then", I will be highly offended. I know I'm asking too much on this one, but I just feel that the world would be slightly better if we humans were a little more caring of each other? What if that person did something bad? Then that person has a lesson to learn, and I believe in Karma...I hope my enemies do well so that I don't have to feel sorry for them. Yes, I know I'm sensitive and probably too much so.

4) Great sense of morals and ethics

Btw, reader, I hope you can see why I think my soulmate doesn't exist - I'm too needy or demanding...

5) No *(&*( sarcasm! Nothing turns me more off than bitter sarcasm. Bitter sarcasm means hidden anger. Either talk about what you're pissed off over and I can help, or take it out in a more positive way.

6) Independent and Intelligent - Yes, I am not afraid of this at all. If you're smarter than me (most likely, all of you ladies are, since I's stoopid - lol) wonderful!! However, if you believe that women are better than men or vice versa...then that leads to 7)

7) No inflated egos. "I deserve the best because I'm better than you." UGHHHHH! If I hear that, the car stops metaphorically. No one is better than anyone else on this earth - that means race, religion, creed, background. We all go to the bathroom the same way.

Oh, and no gold diggers. This is not a problem, since I'm poor now; however, if you're looking for gold or riches, either get a job, or get a shovel and dig for your own gold.

9) If you're a lawyer, or just love to argue, then please stay away from me. If I want to debate, I would go to a debating class. I HATE confrontations. Again, if I'm wrong - let me see the reasons or proof, and I will happily admit to being wrong.

10) If you cheat once on me, you're out the door. No questions, no drama. I will NOT tolerate cheaters. Just tell me if you want to end the relationship. I'm not Satan.

11) I guess this is a quality, and please forgive me for this one, women - I'm weird. The sound of a low pitched (i.e. alto, tenor...etc..not volume, I mean range of voice) really irks me, especially smoking grandmothers' voices (like Captain Janeway of Voyager - on bad days, I have had to put the TV on mute when she spoke). I have no reason to understand why this occurs with me. So, I'm looking for a woman with a high pitched voice.

Please understand, I'm not looking for someone to boss around - please - if you got that from my post, then you're terribly mistaken. I'm a pathetic, lonely, imperfect aspie with a very low self esteem (and a bad temper that I really am seriously working on) that is merely trying to find his way into this world. I'm just looking for a woman to share that with and to exchange ideas and more...But I'm not going to be henpecked either. I believe that a relationship is built on trust, honesty, respect, communication - and teamwork...it is something that always requires work.

That's all I can think of for now. Until proven otherwise, I still believe that my soulmate doesn't exist. But I hope that you were entertained, reader.

Here is what I want in a future husband...to sum it up, softspoken, compassionate, and intelligent.

("Softspoken" does NOT mean lacking an opinion or being afraid. Rather, it's the kind of confidence that does not require one to be loud or overbearing, that can be at peace with silence sometimes...someone whose calming influence can help those around them to find peace.)


1) Character and faith. I apologize if this offends anyone, but it is very important to be able to relate to my future husband in matters of faith, and to know that he will be committed to marriage (as an equal). Also, I want to know that my future husband has a strong sense of right and wrong, and of principles, and that he has not ever been physically intimate with anyone else nor would he go outside the marriage for those things. Better for us to learn together as equals.

2) Intelligence/nerdiness. A smart husband who is not intimidated by an intelligent woman, or a woman with nerdy or traditionally "masculine" interests, and can hold his own in a discussion (and have his own interesting things to say).

3) Gentleness/patience. I can't emphasize this one enough. I am not comfortable at ALL with too much intimacy or even simple physical contact if someone comes on too strong. Frankly, I am terrified by sexual aggression (and I don't mean just the obvious kinds, but even an interest that is just too ardent). The ideal man for me would actually be one who was OK with letting me "lead" at certain times. Not because I am the overbearing, overassertive kind, but because my fears aren't so strong if I have a say in when I am ready for things and when I am not (like I mentioned, I have problems being touched sometimes). (I do also think that a gentler personality would be a good counterbalance for me when I get too fired up--being with someone too similar to me just makes it worse instead of better.)

4) Shared values on money/life/kids. A man who is willing to discuss these things candidly up front is the kind of man I would be interested in--knowing how a man looks at these things is critical, and I want to marry someone who shares a similar conservative outlook on these things. I know I could NEVER deal with being married to a wild spender, for instance.

5) I would like a man who is attractive to me...I would be lying if I said I didn't. I'm not sure how to describe that look except to say that a lithe runner's build is the most attractive to me--healthy, but not musclebound. He takes reasonable care of himself but is NOT vain, obsessed, a jock, or competitive...it's more, caring for oneself out of respect for oneself and one's creator. (This would rule out smoking and other forms of self-abuse.) An attractive man to me has expressive and very kind eyes and face. Without this, it doesn't matter how traditionally "handsome" he is...I will find him unattractive. As to other characteristics...while I have some things in mind, the stuff I listed is the non-negotiable. Other characteristics can vary.

_________________
Official diagnosis: ADHD, synesthesia. Aspie quiz result (unofficial test): Like Frodo--I'm a halfling? 110/200 NT, 109/200 Aspie.

Wow, there is a more mature group posting in this thread than I first expected. Most people's criteria is fairly reasonable. I was expecting to find a bunch of 14y/os saying something to the effect of "I want a billionaire supermodel that could suck-start a leaf blower".

For me, most physical traits are negotiable. I probably wouldn't get along with the temperament of most black women and I talk too much crap about Mexicans to go out with one for very long unless we could reach an understanding that it's the border jumpers that get under my skin. Other than that I'm okay with interracial relationships.
She basically just has to not be so fat and ugly that I find her repulsive to be with, and I consider myself forgiving about that too.
A brunette would be preferable, though it's not an issue if she isn't.
Height doesn't matter.
I won't care about her weight as long as her doctor isn't critical about it. And if it came up, I would approach the issue by saying "lets get out and get more exercise together". And ideally we would be each other's accountability partner.

As far as interests an personality goes:
She cannot be obsessed with what celebrities are doing or what they are wearing. I think that causes a temporary loss of IQ points in everyone in earshot of them.
She will probably have to be an introvert. I don't think I could deal with huge circles of her friends.
Intelligence is probably going to be necessary in order for us to find some common ground.
A similar thought process as mine would be very helpful. There is a high probability that she would have to be on the spectrum to truly be compatible.
I'm not sure whether to look for an extremely nice person or someone with more my type of personality. If I went out with a girl that was extremely nice and mild mannered, I would have to be incredibly careful not to walk all over them or otherwise do anything emotionally abusive. If I went out with someone with my kind of personality, learning how to fight in way that doesn't harm the relationship would be critical because that relationship would be a much wilder ride than it would be with a very mild mannered person.
She must be a Christian
Political views must be moderate to conservative socially and her economic views are negotiable.
She doesn't have to like going shooting (and I've heard it's a lot cheaper that way too), but she can't have a problem with me owning lots of guns.

- Physically Attractive
- Not uptight about sexuality
- Guys sense of humor
- Puts out quick and often

Has a job

Not obsessed with trends in fashion & music

Not needy or clingy

Is not overt about sexuality

Has a moderate to high sex drive

Deep:
Intelligence - I want to be with someone I can have serious discussions with. I want to have a two-person book club. I want to talk about any problems we might be having articulately.
Gentleness - who wants an abuser?
The ability to express love creatively - You send me a hallmark card or a rose = okay then. You write me a sonnet, spend an afternoon painting me, or write a song for me = ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU.
Geniuneness - She is honest about who she is.
Loyalty - She don't cheat and she defends me in conflicts.
Inner strength - The ability to weather a storm with poise and gumption is something I lack, so I admire it greatly in others. Plus, there are practical benefits to having a strong partner.
A sense of what it means to make love - partners in lovemaking are kind, considerate, and gentle. They look at lovemaking as an opportunity to enhance a spiritual bond, not as an end in itself. They are not rough and do not ask strange things of one another. They understand the beauty of what they do.
Curiosity - I am interested in women who are always learning and teaching, whether they have teaching positions or not.

Superficial:
A cool and self-expressive sense of style - High-powered, confident businesswomen with short hair, pumps, and tailored suits. Brilliant scientists in lab coats and coke-bottle glasses. Funky artists with polka-dot skirts, messenger bags, hiking boots, and ironic pigtails. What do all these people have in common? They wear distinctive clothes that express who they are, and that's much sexier than jeans and a T-shirt.
A career that both of us can be proud of - I like to see a woman shine in her field (or be earning a degree that would allow her to do so), especially if that field is male-dominated and lucrative. This is because I am turned on by education, ambition, and the prospect of financial security.

Genuine, Sweet, Open, Supportive, Has Courage/Determination, Adventurous, Understanding, Goofy/Silly, Sometimes Mischievous, A Child at heart,
Doesn't cheat and sticks up for me.
Someone who doesn't judge quickly.
Like to try and learn new things.
Virgin, but with average to high sex drive.
Long dark hair. I have a thing for ponytails.
I want to be able to spend a lot of time with her.
I would like someone who is equally as romantic, but they don't have to be. I like doing romantic things, such as star gazing, candle light dinner, sitting by the fire, enjoying the outdoors.

Most of this is like me, too, except for having long hair.

I know the last post was 4 years ago, but I feel that it's silly to create another topic, that is the same when this one is here.

I'm not available, but even so, I definitely do have traits I find attractive and unattractive in a person (I'll use male pronouns for this theoretical person, I don't really know myself, but I know I like males thus).
I need someone who can be both a friend and lover. This is pretty much a literal requirement because I've never fell for someone who I lacked a close emotional bond with beforehand, ever.

Personality and inner traits I like -
I like a man who doesn't act entirely "nice." I don't mean abusive behavior, mind! Yes, when the time calls for it, I do need someone to be kind/understanding/otherwise know I have their support - but I really like a person whom I can share battles of sarcasm, sardonicism and general friendly bickering/competition/what-have-you with.
Shared interests are a huge deal. I'm not one for small talk whatsoever, but I'm apt to bond with someone over shared interests. I quickly lose interest in friends if I find our interests divert (unless I've made a very close bond with someone, which is very rare).
Intelligence is huge (this somewhat ties into the first point). Your manner of speech is also very important. You don't have to be as articulate as I, but there's certain manners of speech that bug me to no end.
In the relationship proper, I need you to be able to tell me if you see something wrong with it/me. In turn, I do the same thing. I don't like to assume nor constantly question such matters. By extension, I need you to be honest about yourself too.
Trust is also a very big deal (and also likely ties into the first point for me, since I know I can joke without causing offense and vice versa). I'm going to give you a lot of it if I consider you a worthy partner; don't abuse it. This is probably the thing most likely to make me reconsider a relationship, because I've been hurt many times too many by people close to me. I'm not an easily jealous person, but it doesn't mean I'm okay with you doing things behind my back.
I'm layered. If you've managed to take my heart, you've likely seen at least three-four layers of me. I need you to accept them, as, rare as the sight some may be, I consider them all a part of me. In turn, I find similar layering attractive in others too. It's a good feeling to know that someone holds you in such a high regard that they show or make known sides of themselves that they've shown to nobody before. (Exception exists for abusiveness, obviously - on both sides. Though I do at least have a bit of restraint.) If you act the same towards me as you do towards everyone you meet, then how do I truly know if I'm close to you?
I'm generally very forward. I'll likely tell you outright if I find I've taken interest in you, and even if not, I'm told I make it more than obvious if I do. I have a more timid side, but it's not my public one, and my ideal wouldn't mind this. If anything he'd probably be the same.

Not a trait I necessarily LIKE, but I don't mind if you're needy or clingy - I have some of these traits myself - but do have your own self outside of me. (A lesson I've had to learn myself, so...)

More superficial traits I like -
One of my deepest layers is fairly sexual, and highly submissive when compared to my typical self. My general outside layer comes off as very disinterested in those affairs. (I don't take sexual or even romantic interest in people I meet at first glance, ever. So why does it matter if I seem to care? More likely than not, it isn't relevant to my dealings with them.) The two who found it seemed intrigued by the contrast - and especially to my more forward personality - but I know this can pose issues with some, especially because orgasm has been one of my only consistent methods of destress.
I'm a virgin, and while I don't really care if you aren't one yourself, I do care with how many people you've been with - I know "romance" and "sex" are concepts people can separate, but I personally cannot. Promiscuity and polyamory are not a concept I am okay with for myself, the former because of my inability to disconnect romance and sex, the other because of my troubles with trust. I can trust YOU, can I trust your other partner(s) to the same standards?
I'm pretty "meh" on appearances. I like an attractive man's appearance too (though my definition of "attractive" is probably a little different than most, especially since I can't get... interest from anyone BUT romantic interests) but an appearance is easier to change than the traits within.
I'd much rather an introvert over an extrovert. But, if the latter understands that I'm not going to want to meet everyone they know or go to the big party they're going to, that's fine.

Things I dislike (from experience) -
Do NOT ignore me when I need you to give a bit of attention to me. I don't need to have your attention 24-7 and I know that there are things, such as working or sleeping, that take precedence. But if I know you're just, say, playing a game over and over and brushing me off, then I'll feel insulted and unwanted. We're not talking neediness as much as "hey can we have an actual conversation?" here. (I've never actually been in a relationship with someone on-spectrum that I know of, so please understand that I'm not trying to seem like I'm insulting. Just something I've experienced.)
Be sure in your decisions where I'm concerned. Don't consistently try to push me away and try to force me to give up on you while wanting me close. The only thing you get out of doing that is my heartbreak and anger at "why did you even initiate a relationship with me to begin with?!" (Having a firm grounding in life was an issue mentioned on his end fairly early on in the relationship and he started to push me away, but not outright break with me, a little after that point. He finally succeeded after 9 months and my being sick of the behavior.)