Relationship success stories :)?

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After two failed relationships, I have had a successful relationship with my boyfriend Patrick. This month marked our 1-year anniversary and I am very happy to have made it this far. The reason I find this relationship successful is because my previous two relationships were close, but didn't quite make it to the 1-year mark. After my last boyfriend broke up with me I was starting to have doubts that I wouldn't ever be able to make it a year with a guy. I know that relationships aren't based on how long you have been with someone, but after seeing my friends make it past the 1-year, 2-year, etc... with their boyfriends, it made me want to have the same kind of long lasting relationship and happiness they were experiencing.

I'm NT female married to an aspie male. We started out as friends and spent time doing romantic type stuff together like sailing and walks on the beach but he never acted interested in me romantically.

I had a big crush on him and felt like I was practically throwing myself at him but he never made a move to kiss me, hold my hand, etc. I had just read that book "He's Just Not that Into You" so I figured that was the case. I had nearly given up until one night I invited him to a party at a neighbor's house and all night he was by my side and doing things like filling my wine glass and being very attentive etc. Afterward we stopped by his apt. and we were sitting on the couch and he said in a very serious voice "tonight if felt like we were boyfriend and girlfriend".

I was really shocked because it was so matter of fact, but I finally said "it felt like that to me too". Then he said "What do you think about that?"...again, very matter of fact. I said that I liked it. At that point he kissed me and it was VERY awkward...because the moment was so unromantic and it felt robotic and forced. I thought "OH CRAP! NO SPARK!"...but he invited me to spend the night and I did (what the hell, at this point I had liked him for 5 months!! !!). It was truly terrible. He, erm, didn't seem into it...though he was trying...and he felt awful, and afterward he said "I'm sorry if I ruined your evening" very formally.

I went home thinking I'd probably never hear from him again, but he called me about 15 minutes later to see if I'd made it back to my house OK (which I thought was very sweet)...and then came to see me later that day.

We kept seeing each other after that but in the beginning I thought he must be closeted gay because he didn't seem overly interested in sex, which was unlike every other relationship I'd ever had. When we did, he had arousal problems which were embarrassing for both of us. I (unfortunately) kept accusing him of being gay or else that he didn't find me attractive which he'd refute and he'd get very upset (obviously).

He had been married before but it was a disaster. I found out he was in a batterer's program for domestic violence and his ex-wife had accused him of being an abuser (though never accused him of physical violence).

The thing is, his ex didn't understand about Aspergers (I researched his peculiarities and discovered it on my own)...what she interpreted as "controlling" behavior and explosive anger, was really just a reaction to over stimulation. I know what triggers him and I avoid those things and we have zero problems. Probably fewer relationship problems than my NT friends married to other NTs.

He is an excellent husband and father. Our sex life has improved dramatically over time, as opposed to other relationships I've had that started off hot and heavy but then later fizzled. It just took him awhile to feel safe and comfortable with me in that way and for me to understand that if he doesn't want to do/try something it's not because he's being a selfish jerk but because of his sensory integration issues and over stimulation.

The problem is this...traditional relationship books and magazines like Cosmopolitan etc. brainwash women into having certain narrow expectations of men and if they don't meet those parameters then there is either something wrong with the man, or with you, or with your relationship. If I'd listened to ANY of the conventional advice out there (including my friends'), I would not have stuck with this man. I am SO unbelievably happy that I did because this man is incredible and unique in so many ways. I could have lost out on the best thing that has ever happened to me if I hadn't taken the time to learn about Aspergers (with a lot of help from all of you on this site which I have read from the beginning though my hubby never does).

Thanks to all of you, and to those of you still looking for the right person, don't lose hope! They could be right around the corner (mine was, we lived literally two blocks away from each other!)

My partner and I have been together for 19 years. (That's like 27 reincarnations with the same mate in heterosexual terms! )

As for the secret, I have only two:

Communication, and

Flexibility.

Relationships are not static things. Your needs and your partner's needs change over time, and you have to be aware that you both need to change with them. You need to ask your partner about things that you would like to be different, and you need to be open to your partner asking the same thing.

Yay, we're making wedding plans =D
As a male am i supposed to feel ecstatic about this ?
I am, but supposedly it's the girls who are supposed to be more into the whole wedding planning thing.
Like the thought of organizing all the stuff involved just makes me feel excited and i'm wondering if that's maybe just the feminine part of my personality ('cause some aspects of my personality actually do seem quite feminine to me even though, just for the record, i'm completely straight), or if many other men feel such deep enthusiasm at first?

I posted this response in "SoSayWeAll's" topic about successful relationships, but figured I'd repost it here too, since it fits:

I am 28 presently and have AS. I'm engaged, will be married before the end of the year, and my fiancee is a year younger than I am and an NT. We met on www.okcupid.com, where she messaged me first. We started talking via messages on there, then went to instant messages, then phone calls, and after a month of talking I asked her to be my girlfriend, when we hadn't even met yet. She said yes, obviously.

I knew I loved her before I even met her in person, and when we did meet, which was 2 months after we first started talking, and 1 month after we'd started dating, I stayed over at her place for a weekend. She lived several hours away from where I did at the time.

We both said the L word to each other that first weekend, and have been very happy ever since. We've been engaged almost a year now and have been dating for almost two years.

i have three girls who like me but they all have their problems and so do i.

my actual girlfriend is called tammy and she is attached to me like a barnacle on the hull of a ship. we have little in common, but i do love her in a way. i feel very protective of her. she is a medium functioning autistic, and she does not have much of an imagination, and she goes cross eyed when i try to tell her about the things i am excited by.
i write songs that i record for her when she is not here, and when i play them for her, she gets up and goes into the kitchen and opens the fridge to see what there is to eat.

i know there is a real place inside tammy, but she is obsessed by fame and she only talks about famous people.

she goes on and on about kylie minogue and what her life must be like, and she feels that she is ripped off by being with a nobody like me.

she idolizes a man from a group called "human nature" and she says that he is her only true love.
it does not matter how well i craft my gifts to her, she still knows that i am not famous, and she considers me to be a nobody because no one else likes what i do.

oh well. she is a very naieve girl, and i will always be here for her, and she does love me because we have been together for about 10 years. she can not let go of me, although she recognizes that i am not famous with disappointment.

on occasions i have told her that she should let me go and follow her heart and try to get to know the famous people she idolizes, but i know that she knows in her heart that they would not want to know her, so she clings to me as a last resort.

i am always abused by her as being a nobody, and i tell her that i would be happy if she left me and went for a somebody, and then she cries and says i do not love her.

well i will keep her in my warmth until she can find someone she is impressed with because i feel sad for her and i do understand that she is kind of ret*d and she will feel very bad in the wild world if i cast her out.

if she left me, i would feel very sad because we have been together for a long time, so i do love her.

but every time she is with me, all she wants to talk about is how everyone loves her idols, and how much money they would be making, and how rich their lives must be.

she looks at me as a dud because i am not famous. but she can not let me go because i love her and she subconsciously values that very much.

sometimes i wish she did meet her idols and have a 1 year relationship with them, because i know that she would come back to me because i truly love her, and they may not know her and love her and be concerned about her happiness as much as i am.

i have 2 other female friends who sleep with me and they are just friends, but tammy is very annoyed that i sleep with them. i only have one bed here even though i have 3 bedrooms, and i like my other friends who are girls, so they can sleep in my bed.

it is hard to explain.

I have some friendships like that b9. Childhood friends who I have nothing in common with except our shared history. I understand the comfort factor and I very much do value the connection. As for myself, I've never had a successful one. My one serious attempt did not work as he is a pathological liar. I'm not feeling the need for one these days anyway.