Ever had a look around where you are IRL and thought...

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Look...

Just stop thinking about what you want to say the second you read these responses, go back and read this thread from someone elses perspective... pretend that your posts are someone elses, and just look at them.

Every. Single. One. Has you arguing and complaining about every single piece of advice everyone gave. Your a naysayer. You act like there is no way YOU should be the one who should change, that society f***ing sucks because it doesn't work right for you.

Well guess what, this world depends on people compromising. That's just how it is. No one person will always get there way, and society definitely doesn't change around a single person, especially someone with AS.



Well every single piece of advice I've seen in this thread is good advice... and yet you argued against every single one.

There's a difference between listening to advice that makes you happy, and listening to good advice. Good advice generally brings another perspective into things and is usually something you do NOT consider on your own.

I have a feeling if I told you "Well tough luck, just give up, there's no way your gonna get a good guy, so really make yourself happy without it" You'd take that perfectly fine, because that's along the lines of what you WANT to hear.


Please don't take that totally to heart. People often say things like that over a single occurance that happens... and in that case, yeah, people might agree and call them 'ret*d'-- but they aren't there and they don't know your parents and the entire situation... there are way too many factors involved that those online friends will never know. Those comments are for specific occurrences, not in general about your parents. (And shockingly enough, everyone does something that someone else would call ret*d, so I'm not going to go along with you in the claims your parents are ret*d.)



I was often told to stop yelling, and I'd scream back "I'M NOT YELLING!! !! !! ! GOD!"-- but reality was, I was. If not specifically yelling all the way, I was raising my voice, and speaking much louder, which people explain in different ways "yelling" "screaming" "raising your voice". Its not complete screaming for your life like some axe murderer is out to get you, no, but its just a term people use.

It may bother you that they weren't being specific and were using the wrong term, as in "Screaming" for "raising your voice"-- but, goddamnnit, its just something that your going to have to deal with. You may wish for them to use the right terms and be more specific all you want, but its not going to happen, so quit taking it so harshly and learn to adapt to it. If you must, instead of saying "I'm not screaming! You haven't even heard me scream!" in a loud voice, back to them, you can say "I'm not screaming, screaming is when someone is chopping my leg off. Please explain it better, because clearly my limbs are still intact" or something that lets them know they're using the wrong term.

And sorry... I wasn't there, but I'm almost positive you ARE raising your voice. To you it might not be noticeable, and rarely is when one is upset, but to others its pretty obvious. I've seen it happen to me time and time again, and only in retrospect do I notice.

What amuses me, is that you already know this, but you clearly don't want to be in the wrong, and just sticking to your guns until everyone walks away in disgust.

I've done this myself, time and time again, so know exactly how this defensive stubbornness works, but after a while when I'm alone I think about things again and try to convince myself to let go, then I can change. When I'm in the stubborn mode, there's no shifting me. I'm going to stick to my guns and my side of the story/what I want, if it kills me. And often times it does more harm than good... (as in, nearly always). But give me some time, and I will loosen up and rethink things (so long as I'm alone, and not expected to anymore).
I know that its really difficult sometimes.
Like one... simple, but really stupid example.
I've always told people I'm not going to get married, and not going to date. And everyone always responds back "You say that now, but just wait until you meet someone, you'll change." To which I respond "No, I won't."
Well, years later, that still forces me to stick to my guns. Because I said I wouldn't, even if I actually DO want a boyfriend, and DO want to change, because I said I wouldn't, I won't. Its one of the things I'm fighting right now... There are still a lot of factors going on leaning to why I /don't/ want a boyfriend, but... not giving in to what ppl said is a huge one. And thats just plain stupid. So f***ing what if they are correct afterall, it'd end up with me in happiness... but my nature makes me want to clam up and wait and wait and wait until I'm dead, rather than give in and admit they were right.

So yeah, I understand where you're coming from. But I still fight it. As much as my nature makes me dread and squirm at the thought of someone else being right (and me arguing yet being wrong), I am able to recognize that they WERE right, and that if I just give in a little, things'll come out for the better.

Usually things aren't so cut and dry like that... thats particularly bothersome because I specifically SAID I wasn't going to, so makes me feel like I backed out of my word...

But theres a much more subtle layer here, of what I /think/ or /suggest/ and being wrong... like say, if I were you... I say that theres no one worthy of me, that theres no body who'd care. People say they're out there, but your going to have to change how your looking for them.

Well that suggests you were wrong in your original assumption, and that HURTS. So yeah, I see why your getting all defensive and arguing each and every point.... but really, that isn't any way to go about it. Sometimes you really do need another perspective to change things. Even if that means admitting you were wrong in your original assumption (which sucks, but happens)




...now that I got all confused with where I was going, and probably repeated 10 different points in different spots and muddled everything... all I want to say is.... Loosen up. Take some time to look things over, try to look at it from an outside perspective, and look at how you're acting, because from my ("our" from the other posts I read, but not going to say that your entire audience is included, so "my" for now) point of view... your acting like a spoiled brat who just wants everything to work out immediately, and refuses to compromise at all. If you're able to calm down, and admit, and give in... to anything really, to simply admitting that yeah, you are being stubborn and not taking advice, then you have a chance... if you can't do that... then I'm sorry, but that may very well be a reason people aren't interested in you. Nobody is interested in contorting themselves to meet the others every whim, because the other won't compromise at all (well, maybe not "nobody"... I'm sure there's some submissive guys out there who truely enjoy basically being a servant to the other... but in that case, you're gonna need to be damn assertive to find that person. )

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You might have a point about why people wouldn't want me, except nobody knew me well enough to know those things about me. They don't know my whims; I do not broadcast them. I usually only argue with family (and on message boards lol). I don't even know what I'd be compromising, and neither do they.

I don't want things to work out immediately; I'm just trying to figure out whether it's worth it before the biological clock runs out.

You opened the thread by stating that there is nobody in your town that you have the slightest desire to date, nor will you ever move. Since you don't actually want any of the men you see, what is the point of any dating advice? It's like teaching a vegetarian how to grill a burger.

What I mean is, you aren't really giving the impression that you are all that interested in a man's company.

Your interest seems more like it's something you would like to check off a "life experiences I heard are important" checklist.

If you really thought you'd be happiest with a male Trandformers fan, you wouldn't ask your brother to find you one.

You'd go to Transformer fan sites (which are predominantly male, I assume) and strike up conversations with the men posting there. You'd find out if there are any fan activities in your area and go. But I don't think you actually want that. And you'll shoot down this advice too.