Advice for the guys under 30

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This is f*****g hilarious.

The old addage that "it gets better for men as we age" implies that we will acquire more wealth and knowledge, which is consequently more valuable to society.

My advice is to go after the 40-plus cougars it you're under 30 to gain some experience and actually feel appreciated. Just look at it this way: When you are a teenager, are you more likely to acquire a car with high mileage or low mileage?

I am not dying for companionship so I'm just being patient with my education and my path to a decent income.

The fallacy here is that you would have to marry someone your age equivalent. The hole in the argument is that while women age, lose value, and have a limited window to have kids, and are very unlikely to marry younger, men tend to gain value over time, can have kids pretty much until death with modern medicine, and certainly can date or marry younger than themselves. There are also significant numbers of women who will date and marry older men, explicitly for the reasons mentioned above.

I also challenge the statement that the best get snapped up early -- the best actually tend to play the field too long, and either have to settle later or get desperate, and additionally, if they did marry early, could also divorce early and end up back on the market, more educated now about their choices and what kind of man they want.

You would think, but it ain't necessarily so. Most women get snapped up as girlfriends in their 20's. You have the distinction of actually wanting to be married. This sets you apart from men who just want (and generally get) girlfriends. As women get to be 27-30 (more or less), they get more of a hankering for a husband and realize that their boyfriend doesn't want the same thing. Ok, obviously you aren't the only man in the world who wants to get married. However, the pool that looks so narrow in early to mid-20's (when men snap up girlfriends) actually widens up some in late 20's/early 30's as women break up with the boyfriends they realize will never, ever marry them. Most men aren't as anti-marriage as RICKY. Instead, it's something they keep putting off and putting off and putting off until their girlfriends finally give up and dump them. Thus the pool actually widens towards 30 rather than narrowing.

Somehow I can't see women breaking up with their boyfriends just so they could be with me... The only thing I have going for me is unwavering loyalty (only to those who have earned it, however), and (looking forward) a stable and well-paying career. I openly admit that I'm boring (and any attempts I make to make my life more interesting usually end up badly as I get overwhelmed by it all) and not much of a catch overall... so tell me again, why would anyone want to be with me?

There is your problem -- you don't love yourself enough, you don't have confidence in yourself. If you don't love you, who will?

Build a TOS that you love (and show that love), and they will come. Women don't want a guy caught in his own angst and self-pity -- they want a protector, a provider, and a lover.

I see you are writing this shortly after reading billsmithglendale's "taken doesn't mean taken" post and it's temporarily coloring your view. No. They don't break up with their boyfriends just to be with you. The timeline goes more like this:

They want to marry their boyfriends.

Wait 1 year.

Wait 2 years.

Wait 3 years.

Realize their boyfriends are never going to marry them.


Break up with their boyfriends because they don't want to be with somebody who doesn't want to marry them ever.


Hope to meet the sort of man who really wants to get married.

Meet other men who don't want to get married.

Then meet you.


(still in the timeline)

Tell their girlfriends they met this guy (you). He's not the most interesting guy in the world- talks about old Star Trek movies a little too much- but he's kind hearted and seems like he wouldn't cheat (unlike old What's His Name) and he's really into settling down (unlike old What's His Name #2) and he has a pretty decent job (unlike old What's His Name #3). And...get this girls!! ! He wants kids!! !! !

Girlfriend says: he wants to settle down and he wants kids? Go for it!


(I realize that RICKY has just reached for a barf bag, but you're my intended audience, not him.)

therein lies the problem, you dont love yourself. you say to yourself "(im) not much of a catch overall" and "why would anyone want to be with me?".

say this to yourself, eventualy believe it yourself, and surprise, surprise, you'll bring that into your own life.

Last edited by right-hand-child on 09 Jul 2010, 9:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't see any evidence to the contrary in my life. It would be a lot easier for me to say that I'm a super stud if I saw evidence of that...

You're still in passive mode -- you have to make yourself the super stud. Super studs aren't just born, they're made as well.

You aren't. You won't be - likely ever. The pressure's not on because its about as likely as you being responsible for the next major earth quake in China.

Feel better?

The good news is - if there are any super stud aspies out there I think there's one way you could likely narrow your search down for them; they've never posted here. That's right - I don't think there's a one here. Very virile aspies? Sure. Very confident aspie guys? Those too. Very accomplished? That too, many in fact I'm sure that are all three of those. On the other hand - being aspie, just in general - its not going to happen. I'd put myself down for a few of these taits and me being superstud - just as likely as I said it would be for you a few lines up.

My advice - just go on with your life. Do things that make you feel better about yourself, work on form for your own well being and who you see in the mirror. Women may come through for you but - don't count on it, as in its impossible for it not to happen occasionally but the likelihood of utterly reversing this mess out - likely impossible.

The real problem is - its not confidence, its not looks, its not money - core personality traits. Often enough who we are just isn't basic enough. This one's so bad that it plagues NT's quite often as well. Its a "Hey, I could make you the absolute ladies man if I could....well....lobotomize you and put someone else at the stearing wheel. For a lot of us - that's all it would take, someone else being us could do it. Difference is we're not them, they're not us, they lack certain perspectives we have, we lack certain perspectives they have, the world is a wonderfully diverse place with all types of people and - all these different types, male or female, anywhere from ugly to strikingly attractive, do anywhere from nearly effortless with the opposite sex to not understanding what its like not to have a strike out.

The trouble is - you can never be your self or even truly develope the best of who you are in case you were to meet the right person IF your still a slave to this need to have as many women like you as possible.

Well, I am in my 30s, and I think things are getting better. My 20s were a roller-coaster ride of strife.

You are just poisoning yourself and you seem to enjoy it since you do it so much.