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How do you date when you are unemployed (girl)?

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Politelysaying
Butterfly
Butterfly

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Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 9

07 Jul 2010, 12:22 am

NearlyaHuman wrote:
I haven't really dated in 3 years. I had 2 very bad experiences with internet dating (stalker and assault), but I can't meet anyone any other way.
So I joined a site and met a few guys...
But I am hesitant to actually go out with any, because
a) Im on disability. (wanted to get at least a part time job, but can't even get an interview).
b) I have no "education". even though I have read extensively topics in humanities, science, literature, etc I don't have a degree. Can't get a loan to finish school.
c) I don't have a drivers licence.
d)I don't know many people in town.

I'm a decently attractive female, but:
I feel like anyone who meets me will assume I'm a "huge loser" (Their stereotype of me due to the above, not me as a person...I don't think that about myself) , and just see me as someone to use for sex.
---
I say this because that has happened to me many times before, and because I have AS its hard for me to tell if someone is genuine, or if they are trying to manipulate me and don't have any real interest...


This is going to be hard for to understand but for women it isn't really much of an employment issue. 100 years ago, women barely work beyond the home they live in and marriage was more a "arranged affair", yep 100 years ago and more so, the west promoted such a form of union as well. What I suspect your problem is the lack of hobbies, possible of (many) real life friends (in the real world, please don't take offence to this) and most notebly a lack of self confidence. What you need to do is there simple, as they say "get your Sh*( together" as in sort out your problems and I am quite sure your future prospective mates will of more actual worth and quality. So in future I would suggest finding something that involves other people that interest you and in sense of the phrase "Put yourself on the frontline"( meaning start interacting with people), things will begin to improve. Form those people skills and you're going to go far.

Cheers,
Paul



seaside
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

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Joined: 10 Jun 2010
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 163

07 Jul 2010, 12:41 am

Hi. Good luck with how you're feeling at this point.

If you're well read, cultured people will realize it!
If you have an interest, and there's some group in your area-- whatever, the aquarium society, the karate club, the folk dance weekly sessions, the music jam cafe, the 1800 British lit club, the birdwatching group, the volunteer kids theatre group, the old movies club, whatever, you get the idea-- it is really helpful for many aspects of your self to be involved. It can give you that pride and identity of defining an activity you do that is important to you, you can be respected and valued by the people in it, you might find some who are friendly to you and invite you to meet other people, and they might look out for you or vouch for you someday in the future.

If you had good grades in the courses you COULD afford in the past, kudos to you.
If you want to take college course equivalency exams or something for more clout, you can, but if someone is looking just for paper credentials and cannot tell that his friend/partner/etc. is interesting and intelligent and well read, that doesn't impress me too much.


That is what I have to share from real life experience. I went through x layoffs etc. while maintaining my hobbies, and they were lifesavers in so many surprise ways, over the years. People who knew me from my hobbies didn't mind that I was unemployed; they saw me as the person who contributed talent x to their club. If someone new asked what I did, I could mention the hobbies I was involved in as they helped the groups.

Good luck, meantime.