The angry virgin thread

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RICKY5
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18 Jul 2010, 3:21 pm

happymusic wrote:

RICKY5 wrote:

The reason I advise it is because the emotional void so many folks here feel is directly tied into not having their physical needs met.

I think for lots of people that's true, but I still don't understand it. I can't seem to put myself in other people's places in that regard. Ok, I know I'm not adding to the discussion - I've been reading it, but I just don't understand. :cry:

I think because you are a girl. My advice is primarily geared to guys. Guys are biologically wired to want sex nonstop.

lotusblossom
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18 Jul 2010, 3:29 pm

RICKY5 wrote:

happymusic wrote:

RICKY5 wrote:

The reason I advise it is because the emotional void so many folks here feel is directly tied into not having their physical needs met.

I think because you are a girl. My advice is primarily geared to guys. Guys are biologically wired to want sex nonstop.

I want sex nonstop, but it would not make me feel better to have to pay someone to have sex with me, that would make me feel much worse than not getting any.

n4mwd
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18 Jul 2010, 3:47 pm

RICKY5 wrote:

I think because you are a girl. My advice is primarily geared to guys. Guys are biologically wired to want sex nonstop.

Guys who badly desire sex and can't get it can have other issues such as depression and things that are even worse. Its always best to get a girlfriend if possible, but if not, his needs still need to be met. An escort is a good way to keep him from going nuts. This is especially true of aspie guys who may have problems finding girls.

There was a guy a few years ago that couldn't get a girl and literally went nuts and killed a bunch of girls at the gym before killing himself. He disparately needed sex, but couldn't get it the traditional way. If he had used an escort before getting to the psychotic state, nobody would have been killed.

So I'm not saying that every aspie guy should find a prostitute, but if being inexperienced bothers you bad enough, then it is certainly an option.

RICKY5
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19 Jul 2010, 12:20 am

n4mwd wrote:

RICKY5 wrote:

I think because you are a girl. My advice is primarily geared to guys. Guys are biologically wired to want sex nonstop.

Guys who badly desire sex and can't get it can have other issues such as depression and things that are even worse. Its always best to get a girlfriend if possible, but if not, his needs still need to be met. An escort is a good way to keep him from going nuts. This is especially true of aspie guys who may have problems finding girls.

There was a guy a few years ago that couldn't get a girl and literally went nuts and killed a bunch of girls at the gym before killing himself. He disparately needed sex, but couldn't get it the traditional way. If he had used an escort before getting to the psychotic state, nobody would have been killed.

So I'm not saying that every aspie guy should find a prostitute, but if being inexperienced bothers you bad enough, then it is certainly an option.

Well put!

euan
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19 Jul 2010, 12:52 pm

HI Lotus how are you? Permanently been single but sex would not make me happy alone. Friendship love respect comes first then sex is the full appreciation of that if sounds right. Its like chocolate makes me happy but once bar is finished I cannot get the warmth and love of a beautiful woman which is created from inside not physical beauty.

If I am not happy with myself no one else will. I have to like me first and I do faults emotional physical and all.

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19 Jul 2010, 12:57 pm

I'm an almost-21-year-old-virgin aspie who's not frustrated at the lack of sex but the absence of intimacy. I wish guys would give me a chance but few ever do. I've dated two guys, one abused me and the other cheated. Is it so hard for a pudgy aspie to have the quality relationship that she sees so many others have? Besides, if I lost my virginity before marriage, mother promised she'd kick me out of the house. D:

I roomed with one of my best friends last year and while I love her dearly, I was so freaking jealous of the fact that she had a great guy who would bend over backwards to make her happy. She would complain about their relationship and I'd pretty much tell her to be appreciative of what she has because not everyone can get that.

Hector
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19 Jul 2010, 1:22 pm

n4mwd wrote:

First, I have my doubts that lack of sex was the absolute number one cause of this, even if that is what he himself maintained. I'd be very surprised if there wasn't something else seriously wrong with this guy, and that if that were addressed maybe he'd be OK. Conversely, that if he saw an escort, he wouldn't still be very messed up and a threat to other people and himself.

Secondly, advice along the lines of "see an escort", without any further qualification, is seen by default as applying to everyone here who is unlucky with women. Maybe that's unfair, and what you really mean is that such advice should apply to everyone here who is not only frustrated but is mentally ill and a threat to themselves and others. In any case, see my first point; perhaps they may require therapy and perhaps medication first.

lotusblossom
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19 Jul 2010, 1:46 pm

euan wrote:

hi Euan,
Ive had a very rough few months, but it did me good to leave aspievillage, my time had 'over run' there. I hope you are well though and everything is going well for you. I think things will pick up for you datingwise Euan, now you know about aspergers as you can go to the local asperger groups and events like autscape and meet someone like minded. I think the bigest problem for you must have been liveing your young adult life not knowing why things were going wrong with no explanation, at least now you can explain to people what your difficulties are and perhaps get more understanding, compassion and sympathy from them. You are a very wonderful man and any woman would be lucky to have you so Im sure you shall meet the right lady.

Dox47
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19 Jul 2010, 2:09 pm

Though I wouldn't go so far as to advise purchasing sex, I do think that for guys at least the idea of "saving" their first time for someone important is a bad idea. For one, male virginity is not a prized commodity, and past a certain age it actually can be a liability that might frighten that "special" someone off because it makes you seem strange and can come off as creepy. More than anything though, I think prolonged virginity can lead to anxiety from dwelling on the subject and lead to a sort of vicious cycle where in anxiety about sex makes it even harder to approach a potential partner which just makes the anxiety worse.

Again though, I'm not necessarily saying go out and rent a girlfriend, more that one shouldn't turn down a first sexual experience on the grounds of waiting for the right person. If nothing else, the first time for a male is inevitably short and awkward; wouldn't you rather know what you're doing when that special someone comes along?

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KaiG
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19 Jul 2010, 6:49 pm

RICKY5 wrote:

There was a guy a few years ago that couldn't get a girl and literally went nuts and killed a bunch of girls at the gym before killing himself. He disparately needed sex, but couldn't get it the traditional way. If he had used an escort before getting to the psychotic state, nobody would have been killed.

So I'm not saying that every aspie guy should find a prostitute, but if being inexperienced bothers you bad enough, then it is certainly an option.

That guy was an alcoholic narcissist who focused his poor self-esteem into psychotic misogynism. It's not like his problems just came from not getting laid. There's a reason why no women were interested in him.

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Northeastern292
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20 Jul 2010, 7:10 am

KaiG wrote:

Northeastern292 wrote:

Asp-Z wrote:

Jookia wrote:

I've never gone beyond hugging a girl.

You're still 15, you have a lot of time yet, plus your peers are probably greatly exaggerating reports of their sexual activity.

Actually, I've learned this year that the exaggeration of peer reports of sexual activity is pretty huge.

I imagine Aspies are affected worse by this trend, considering we tend to avoid misrepresentation of the facts. It never crossed my mind to lie about the fact that I'm a virgin, which I'm not sure is normal.

It's fairly normal. I've met total NT's that have reasons for still being in college and having not yet been sexually active (whether it's an unaffectionate significant other, an SO in the closet, a miserable relationship, not much luck in the dating department, etc.)

They do exist and remember your peers to tend to exaggerate on everything.

Adam82
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20 Jul 2010, 8:11 am

Dox47 wrote:

Though I wouldn't go so far as to advise purchasing sex, I do think that for guys at least the idea of "saving" their first time for someone important is a bad idea. For one, male virginity is not a prized commodity, and past a certain age it actually can be a liability that might frighten that "special" someone off because it makes you seem strange and can come off as creepy. More than anything though, I think prolonged virginity can lead to anxiety from dwelling on the subject and lead to a sort of vicious cycle where in anxiety about sex makes it even harder to approach a potential partner which just makes the anxiety worse.

Again though, I'm not necessarily saying go out and rent a girlfriend, more that one shouldn't turn down a first sexual experience on the grounds of waiting for the right person. If nothing else, the first time for a male is inevitably short and awkward; wouldn't you rather know what you're doing when that special someone comes along?

Because I actually have emotions. I can't just say 'you'll do' and make an emotional commitment to just anybody. I can't seperate sex and love. They are part of the same parcel to me. It has to be someone special.

Erisad
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20 Jul 2010, 8:17 am

Adam82 wrote:

Same here.

RICKY5
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20 Jul 2010, 10:21 am

Adam82 wrote:

Dox47 wrote:

Though I wouldn't go so far as to advise purchasing sex, I do think that for guys at least the idea of "saving" their first time for someone important is a bad idea. For one, male virginity is not a prized commodity, and past a certain age it actually can be a liability that might frighten that "special" someone off because it makes you seem strange and can come off as creepy. More than anything though, I think prolonged virginity can lead to anxiety from dwelling on the subject and lead to a sort of vicious cycle where in anxiety about sex makes it even harder to approach a potential partner which just makes the anxiety worse.

Again though, I'm not necessarily saying go out and rent a girlfriend, more that one shouldn't turn down a first sexual experience on the grounds of waiting for the right person. If nothing else, the first time for a male is inevitably short and awkward; wouldn't you rather know what you're doing when that special someone comes along?

Where does it say you have to do the emotional commitment? Because tv and movies said so?

KaiG
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20 Jul 2010, 12:27 pm

RICKY5 wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

Dox47 wrote:

Though I wouldn't go so far as to advise purchasing sex, I do think that for guys at least the idea of "saving" their first time for someone important is a bad idea. For one, male virginity is not a prized commodity, and past a certain age it actually can be a liability that might frighten that "special" someone off because it makes you seem strange and can come off as creepy. More than anything though, I think prolonged virginity can lead to anxiety from dwelling on the subject and lead to a sort of vicious cycle where in anxiety about sex makes it even harder to approach a potential partner which just makes the anxiety worse.

Again though, I'm not necessarily saying go out and rent a girlfriend, more that one shouldn't turn down a first sexual experience on the grounds of waiting for the right person. If nothing else, the first time for a male is inevitably short and awkward; wouldn't you rather know what you're doing when that special someone comes along?

Where does it say you have to do the emotional commitment? Because tv and movies said so?

You know, people are allowed to have their own opinions on things.

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Erisad
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20 Jul 2010, 12:31 pm

RICKY5 wrote:

Where does it say you have to do the emotional commitment? Because tv and movies said so?

What's wrong with that? Only bedding those you are emotionally attached to makes it less likely for you to obtain an STD anyway. I would feel guilty if I had sex with someone I didn't love but maybe that's because I'm a girl. XD

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