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Jono
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05 Oct 2010, 2:09 pm

Moog wrote:
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I've got a question. With regards to internet dating, does anyone have advice on messaging? I'm wondering if the messages I sent have anything do with why people haven't replied yet. Maybe mentioning that I like talking about science isn't a good thing to put in a first message.

Oh and Face_of_Boo, nice picture. Hopefully I won't end up like that before I decide to give up.


Keep it short, snappy, hooky. There's no point investing a lot of work in it. They may not even bother to read it, or they might not be interested enough to write back. Also you don't want to bore them. It's good if you can get a joke in. Rouse their interest. Let them know in a short and pointed way that you read their profile and that you 'get' some part of it, and by extension, them.

You can get a bit more in depth if they bother to write you back.


Does that mean I don't to say anything about myself in the first message? I've got another question. Have you got any ideas for icebreakers? Thanks.



Moog
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05 Oct 2010, 2:22 pm

Jono wrote:
Moog wrote:
Jono wrote:
I've got a question. With regards to internet dating, does anyone have advice on messaging? I'm wondering if the messages I sent have anything do with why people haven't replied yet. Maybe mentioning that I like talking about science isn't a good thing to put in a first message.

Oh and Face_of_Boo, nice picture. Hopefully I won't end up like that before I decide to give up.


Keep it short, snappy, hooky. There's no point investing a lot of work in it. They may not even bother to read it, or they might not be interested enough to write back. Also you don't want to bore them. It's good if you can get a joke in. Rouse their interest. Let them know in a short and pointed way that you read their profile and that you 'get' some part of it, and by extension, them.

You can get a bit more in depth if they bother to write you back.


Does that mean I don't to say anything about myself in the first message? I've got another question. Have you got any ideas for icebreakers? Thanks.


You can and maybe should say something about yourself. But they can look at your profile to find out about you, you shouldn't have to write reams.

Most of my initial messages to people have been one or two lines or less. I've had a reasonable response rate. The ones that don't hit are usually when I've tried something pitched too weird for the person.

When you say icebreakers, are you talking about the OK cupid icebreaker mechanism, or the general use of the word?


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Jono
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05 Oct 2010, 2:42 pm

Moog wrote:
Jono wrote:
Moog wrote:
Jono wrote:
I've got a question. With regards to internet dating, does anyone have advice on messaging? I'm wondering if the messages I sent have anything do with why people haven't replied yet. Maybe mentioning that I like talking about science isn't a good thing to put in a first message.

Oh and Face_of_Boo, nice picture. Hopefully I won't end up like that before I decide to give up.


Keep it short, snappy, hooky. There's no point investing a lot of work in it. They may not even bother to read it, or they might not be interested enough to write back. Also you don't want to bore them. It's good if you can get a joke in. Rouse their interest. Let them know in a short and pointed way that you read their profile and that you 'get' some part of it, and by extension, them.

You can get a bit more in depth if they bother to write you back.


Does that mean I don't to say anything about myself in the first message? I've got another question. Have you got any ideas for icebreakers? Thanks.


You can and maybe should say something about yourself. But they can look at your profile to find out about you, you shouldn't have to write reams.

Most of my initial messages to people have been one or two lines or less. I've had a reasonable response rate. The ones that don't hit are usually when I've tried something pitched too weird for the person.

When you say icebreakers, are you talking about the OK cupid icebreaker mechanism, or the general use of the word?


Maybe it's the fact that I listed some of my interests in the message that wierded out the one person who did respond and said "we'll probably bore each other to death". I didn't think of that.

When I talk about icebreakers, I meant in the general sense of the word. I would also like to know how the OKCupid icebreaker mechanism works because whenever I click on it, it says I must put more interests in my profile even though I've listed a few of them. How would you indicate something as an interest to the site? Or does it just do a word search?



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Oct 2010, 3:10 pm

You can send them a pm to ask about something mentioned in their profile , most preferably something you like.

For example , if one of her favorite author is Agatha Christie and you really like this author then you can ask her which of Agatha books she read.

Always end your pm with a question.



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05 Oct 2010, 3:35 pm

Jono wrote:
Maybe it's the fact that I listed some of my interests in the message that wierded out the one person who did respond and said "we'll probably bore each other to death". I didn't think of that.


Hmm, that's a kicker.

Quote:
When I talk about icebreakers, I meant in the general sense of the word.


Well, you can focus on some aspect of the profile of the user you like, a hobby, interest, career thing etc. and talk about that. Comments can be okay. Questions are better, because they invite a response.

What Boo said really...

Quote:
How would you indicate something as an interest to the site? Or does it just do a word search?


You put things in a [[tag]] like this. [[Battlestar Galactica]], for example. Then the site goes off and finds people who like what you like, and then comes back with icebreakers for you to make use of or not.


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Jono
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06 Oct 2010, 2:36 pm

Moog wrote:
Jono wrote:
Maybe it's the fact that I listed some of my interests in the message that wierded out the one person who did respond and said "we'll probably bore each other to death". I didn't think of that.


Hmm, that's a kicker.


Have you had responses like that before?

Moog wrote:
Quote:
When I talk about icebreakers, I meant in the general sense of the word.


Well, you can focus on some aspect of the profile of the user you like, a hobby, interest, career thing etc. and talk about that. Comments can be okay. Questions are better, because they invite a response.

What Boo said really...


I'll keep that in mind. In the meantime, I've got some news for you. I've received a message from someone who I haven't messaged first. Unfortunately, this person appears to have a child and I've so far been trying to avoid single mothers because I don't think I can take the responsibility of someone else's kid. I'm not sure how to reply now. Should I just reply back with what she originally mentioned in my profile and mention that later?

Moog wrote:
Quote:
How would you indicate something as an interest to the site? Or does it just do a word search?


You put things in a [[tag]] like this. [[Battlestar Galactica]], for example. Then the site goes off and finds people who like what you like, and then comes back with icebreakers for you to make use of or not.


Thanks, I've done that.



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06 Oct 2010, 3:48 pm

Jono wrote:
Moog wrote:
Jono wrote:
Maybe it's the fact that I listed some of my interests in the message that wierded out the one person who did respond and said "we'll probably bore each other to death". I didn't think of that.


Hmm, that's a kicker.


Have you had responses like that before?


I don't think I have. I usually get nothing, or something at least slightly positive. I am very, very picky about messaging people though. I've not bothered in a long time.

Quote:
I'll keep that in mind. In the meantime, I've got some news for you. I've received a message from someone who I haven't messaged first. Unfortunately, this person appears to have a child and I've so far been trying to avoid single mothers because I don't think I can take the responsibility of someone else's kid. I'm not sure how to reply now. Should I just reply back with what she originally mentioned in my profile and mention that later?


I don't know. If it really is an absolute no-no for you, perhaps you should be upfront about it. But maybe you should see if it goes somewhere... you never know, you might like her, you might find the kid okay...

I'm not sure, maybe someone else could offer opinions.

Quote:
Moog wrote:
Quote:
How would you indicate something as an interest to the site? Or does it just do a word search?


You put things in a [[tag]] like this. [[Battlestar Galactica]], for example. Then the site goes off and finds people who like what you like, and then comes back with icebreakers for you to make use of or not.


Thanks, I've done that.


No problem.


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Jono
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06 Oct 2010, 4:30 pm

Moog wrote:
Quote:
I'll keep that in mind. In the meantime, I've got some news for you. I've received a message from someone who I haven't messaged first. Unfortunately, this person appears to have a child and I've so far been trying to avoid single mothers because I don't think I can take the responsibility of someone else's kid. I'm not sure how to reply now. Should I just reply back with what she originally mentioned in my profile and mention that later?


I don't know. If it really is an absolute no-no for you, perhaps you should be upfront about it. But maybe you should see if it goes somewhere... you never know, you might like her, you might find the kid okay...

I'm not sure, maybe someone else could offer opinions.


Well, I've replied to her message. If she replies back again and this turns into a discussion, then the issue may come up later.



Jono
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07 Oct 2010, 3:05 pm

Ok, she replied back. Does, anyone other than Moog have an idea about what I must say to her about the child issue? At the moment, I feel that not bringing this up could be a bit dishonest if she's a single mother and I'm unable to look after children.



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07 Oct 2010, 3:33 pm

Jono wrote:
Ok, she replied back. Does, anyone other than Moog have an idea about what I must say to her about the child issue? At the moment, I feel that not bringing this up could be a bit dishonest if she's a single mother and I'm unable to look after children.

as Moog said, why not give it a chance and see if you actually don't mind her having a kid? maybe she only has partial custody, and not everybody's children take over their entire lives. it would be a shame to let an opportunity pass for a reason like that.


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Jono
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07 Oct 2010, 3:40 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Jono wrote:
Ok, she replied back. Does, anyone other than Moog have an idea about what I must say to her about the child issue? At the moment, I feel that not bringing this up could be a bit dishonest if she's a single mother and I'm unable to look after children.

as Moog said, why not give it a chance and see if you actually don't mind her having a kid? maybe she only has partial custody, and not everybody's children take over their entire lives. it would be a shame to let an opportunity pass for a reason like that.


Ok, I'll do that. I've replied back asking he if she has any questions for me. I'll see how it goes.

She seems nice. In addition to sharing some of my interests, she says she writes software manuals as part of her career. :wink:



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07 Oct 2010, 4:04 pm

Don't over-invest your time on okcupid , you must understand that its failure rate is as high as 90%.



Jono
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08 Oct 2010, 2:34 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Don't over-invest your time on okcupid , you must understand that its failure rate is as high as 90%.


I haven't heard that statistic about OKCupid before. I know OKCupid made a claim on it's blog that the failure rate of some paying dating sites are that high though. Do you have a reference to that statistic?



Jono
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12 Oct 2010, 2:33 pm

The last person I chatted with hasn't gotten back to me because she hasn't logged on since Thursday. Now someone else has sent me a message. It seems like my profile is good enough to get a few replies, although it took a while before I started getting messages from other people. I hope this isn't all for nothing though and I do eventually get a date.



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12 Oct 2010, 3:47 pm

Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Don't over-invest your time on okcupid , you must understand that its failure rate is as high as 90%.


I haven't heard that statistic about OKCupid before. I know OKCupid made a claim on it's blog that the failure rate of some paying dating sites are that high though. Do you have a reference to that statistic?


nah... you caught me , I was making a FUD attack against Okcupid. Aspie Affection was paying me to do this.

Desperate websites need desperate measures.



Jono
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12 Oct 2010, 3:58 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Don't over-invest your time on okcupid , you must understand that its failure rate is as high as 90%.


I haven't heard that statistic about OKCupid before. I know OKCupid made a claim on it's blog that the failure rate of some paying dating sites are that high though. Do you have a reference to that statistic?


nah... you caught me , I was making a FUD attack against Okcupid. Aspie Affection was paying me to do this.

Desperate websites need desperate measures.


I think you're being facetious.