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Do you feel sympathetic for somebody who can not have sex?

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Do you feel sympathetic for somebody who can not have sex?
Yes - and I am a man 51%  51%  [ 23 ]
No - and I am a man 11%  11%  [ 5 ]
Yes - and I am a woman 16%  16%  [ 7 ]
No - and I am a woman 22%  22%  [ 10 ]
Total votes : 45

JohnisBlind
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15 Sep 2010, 3:10 am

mysassyself wrote:
I do feel sympathy toward people who cannot have sex. I would liken this feeling to sympathy for someone who cannot find friends.

If I were being a bit more flippant, I may even say I would liken it to sympathy for people who cannot have the video game they want.

My ultimate view depends on whether sex is a need or a want. I think it can be both. It's not like hunger, we don't die without it. But, like someone unable to have friends, the lack of it can cause some genuine pain.
If I were to not be able to have friends (which I don't really) I would just learn to accept it as best I can and cope in life without it. With regard to friends, I have friends, but not close friends. And, one day I might. I focus on other things.

I don't think menintights is a troll. I think menintights was being comparatively flippant, and the OP is comparatively very caught up in the issue of whether people can have sex or not (I can understand someone saying the OP has 'sex on the brain'; it's almost the same condition as someone who has a lot of sex, and cannot get enough, and has sex on the brain).
Such differences can inhibit understanding and communication.

The ability to take or leave sex, regardless of actual sexual ability, does exist, though it may require work or practice. I say this having demonstrated it in my life ~ I'm sure I could be having oodles of it if I wanted to and it's not that I don't like it; I'd just rather be doing simpler things.


Okay. That is interesting. You have turned down sex and that indicates that it is not all important.



JohnisBlind
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15 Sep 2010, 3:11 am

Erisad wrote:
Even though I don't have sex by choice, I feel bad for those who can't when they want to. Now I don't feel sympathetic for those who bash women/men because they can't get any sex. :/



It sounds like you are able to think outside of your own personal experience to consider how other people who have different experiences. That is called empathy.



JohnisBlind
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15 Sep 2010, 3:19 am

JohnisBlind wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Even though I don't have sex by choice, I feel bad for those who can't when they want to. Now I don't feel sympathetic for those who bash women/men because they can't get any sex. :/



It sounds like you are able to think outside of your own personal experience to consider how other people who have different experiences. That is called empathy.


Are more people who are sympathetic going to contribute? They make up the majority of men who took this poll.

I just got an email from somebody that said that they felt "intimidated" from expressing their opinion and that other men did also.



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15 Sep 2010, 3:38 am

JohnisBlind wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Yes, I would feel very sorry for them. Having sex is one of the peak experiences of my life -- almost nothing can compare to it (though I've heard holding your child for the first time is a big one).

Involuntary celibacy is a BIG DEAL -- it's not something trivial. People who write it off like that or shrug it away are clearly asexual or very low on the sex drive scale. Asking them to opine on it is like asking a blind person to describe a sunset -- they just don't know.

I remember all of my sexual encounters with different people, and these are memories I hold dearly. Nothing is better or more special than that first time you have sex with someone new.


Also I notice in the poll results that women are statistically less likely to be sympathetic toward a person who can not have sex. If your theory is that those who write it off have less of a sex drive (enjoy it less?) is true, do you think that women enjoy sex less?


I couldn't disagree more. Women don't enjoy (good) sex less then men do. We do talk less about it because people tend do judge women more for it/some men think that if you talk about sex you are somehow up for grabs. A woman who talk about sex or expresses a need or interest in it gets attention that she frankly did not ask for. Some men will have sex with practically anyone and if you talk about sex those men seem to think you too want to have sex with practically anyone. Very tiering and insulting. So we have learned to be more practical about who we talk sex to. (This is my opinion anyhow)

To talk about sympathy in regards to this does however need further clarification. Do I understand that some men might feel this way? Sure. (Though the attitudes on this forum in particular is very grating.) But sympathy seem to entail more. It seems to say that you are missing something that is your right or you have suffered a wrong. Nothing is farther from the truth. No one has a right to have sex. Ever.

I'm a very highly sexual person who haven't had sex in a good while. But no, no sympathy here. Not even for myself.



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15 Sep 2010, 3:42 am

billsmithglendale wrote:
Yes, I would feel very sorry for them. Having sex is one of the peak experiences of my life -- almost nothing can compare to it (though I've heard holding your child for the first time is a big one).

Involuntary celibacy is a BIG DEAL -- it's not something trivial. People who write it off like that or shrug it away are clearly asexual or very low on the sex drive scale. Asking them to opine on it is like asking a blind person to describe a sunset -- they just don't know.

I remember all of my sexual encounters with different people, and these are memories I hold dearly. Nothing is better or more special than that first time you have sex with someone new.


Does anybody have any opinions on this. Agree or Disagree? Why?



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15 Sep 2010, 3:57 am

Yasmine wrote:
JohnisBlind wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Yes, I would feel very sorry for them. Having sex is one of the peak experiences of my life -- almost nothing can compare to it (though I've heard holding your child for the first time is a big one).

Involuntary celibacy is a BIG DEAL -- it's not something trivial. People who write it off like that or shrug it away are clearly asexual or very low on the sex drive scale. Asking them to opine on it is like asking a blind person to describe a sunset -- they just don't know.

I remember all of my sexual encounters with different people, and these are memories I hold dearly. Nothing is better or more special than that first time you have sex with someone new.


Also I notice in the poll results that women are statistically less likely to be sympathetic toward a person who can not have sex. If your theory is that those who write it off have less of a sex drive (enjoy it less?) is true, do you think that women enjoy sex less?


I couldn't disagree more. Women don't enjoy (good) sex less then men do. We do talk less about it because people tend do judge women more for it/some men think that if you talk about sex you are somehow up for grabs. A woman who talk about sex or expresses a need or interest in it gets attention that she frankly did not ask for. Some men will have sex with practically anyone and if you talk about sex those men seem to think you too want to have sex with practically anyone. Very tiering and insulting. So we have learned to be more practical about who we talk sex to. (This is my opinion anyhow)

To talk about sympathy in regards to this does however need further clarification. Do I understand that some men might feel this way? Sure. (Though the attitudes on this forum in particular is very grating.) But sympathy seem to entail more. It seems to say that you are missing something that is your right or you have suffered a wrong. Nothing is farther from the truth. No one has a right to have sex. Ever.

I'm a very highly sexual person who haven't had sex in a good while. But no, no sympathy here. Not even for myself.


So your assertion is that you are not sympathetic toward a person not having sex because sympathy entails that a person has a right to something?

Do people who assert that health care is not a right have no sympathy toward people who are sick and can't afford it? Is there a necessary correlation between rights and sympathy in all circumstances? Are there words that are similar to "sympathy" that I could have used that don't entail a connotation of rights?

Does being sympathetic toward a friendless person mean that a person has a right to friends? I'm only asking these questions to get an objective grasp of your understanding of the terminology.



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15 Sep 2010, 4:41 am

So is wanting sympathy sexist?



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15 Sep 2010, 4:50 am

JohnisBlind wrote:
So is wanting sympathy sexist?


I think we can categorically say no to that.

Oh, and I mostly agree with what Bill wrote, being involuntarily celibate is not nice, and I don't wish it on anyone. Everyone should be able to do what makes them happy. Our sad world doesn't operate like that yet.


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JohnisBlind
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15 Sep 2010, 4:55 am

Does anybody care to share their thoughts on why they think that proportionally more women are unsympathetic than men?



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15 Sep 2010, 4:59 am

I think the poll result here will be inaccurate. I suspect some may answer in the negative simply because they are quite annoyed at all the threads and 'male whining' in general... see Jannisy's response for example.

Also, I suspect that women have a weaker negative response to celibacy and I'm afraid that the sexes will never be able to see eye to eye on this one.


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15 Sep 2010, 5:08 am

Moog wrote:
I think the poll result here will be inaccurate. I suspect some may answer in the negative simply because they are quite annoyed at all the threads and 'male whining' in general... see Jannisy's response for example.


I think that most people don't perceive other's as thinking like Bill, which may or not be how people are supposed to think. As for Jannisy, it looks like she is generalizing about all men from her frustration over "these threads" since most men don't even use wrongplanet that is an improper generalization.

I mean if I already knew in advance that people were sympathetic, and thought like Bill, toward people who can't have sex then I would not feel the need to ask these question. I don't believe that I am whining either. I am not physically able to have sex.



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15 Sep 2010, 5:10 am

Moog wrote:
Everyone should be able to do what makes them happy. Our sad world doesn't operate like that yet.


Are people who are unsympathetic disagreeing with that idea?



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15 Sep 2010, 5:35 am

Moog wrote:
I think the poll result here will be inaccurate. I suspect some may answer in the negative simply because they are quite annoyed at all the threads and 'male whining' in general... see Jannisy's response for example.

Also, I suspect that women have a weaker negative response to celibacy and I'm afraid that the sexes will never be able to see eye to eye on this one.


Does the weaker negative response to celibacy have any relationship to how enjoyable sex is?



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15 Sep 2010, 6:33 am

I have trouble with the word "sympathetic."

If somebody can't get laid and wants to get laid, I will generally do everything ethically within my power to help that person get laid by somebody else who can't get laid and wants to get laid. I'm a fantastic yenta. But I don't feel sorry for that person at all, because I'm 32 and have never had sex, by choice. It's hard for me to pity somebody for not having something that I choose not to have. That doesn't mean that I don't recognize their pain, but my heart doesn't really melt about it.

For me, personally, sex is a form of communication. I don't want to have it unless and until it's a means of expressing my love for a specific other person. I can't imagine hooking up with somebody at a bar, or hiring a prostitute, or anything like that. I have no sexual "needs"; I have sexual wants, but they're contingent on a serious relationship.


Cheers,

TH



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15 Sep 2010, 6:53 am

tomhead wrote:
I have trouble with the word "sympathetic."

If somebody can't get laid and wants to get laid, I will generally do everything ethically within my power to help that person get laid by somebody else who can't get laid and wants to get laid. I'm a fantastic yenta. But I don't feel sorry for that person at all, because I'm 32 and have never had sex, by choice. It's hard for me to pity somebody for not having something that I choose not to have. That doesn't mean that I don't recognize their pain, but my heart doesn't really melt about it.

For me, personally, sex is a form of communication. I don't want to have it unless and until it's a means of expressing my love for a specific other person. I can't imagine hooking up with somebody at a bar, or hiring a prostitute, or anything like that. I have no sexual "needs"; I have sexual wants, but they're contingent on a serious relationship.


Cheers,

TH


Well that seems reasonable. If you only want sex as a form of communication. Then a relationship would be your only concern. And it's interesting you have taken on that matchmaker role much like Alicia Silverstone in Clueless, but typically the yenta/matchmaker discovers that they are working on other persons needs at their own expense.



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15 Sep 2010, 6:59 am

I notice the majority of woman say they are unsympathetic. Is that because they are uncaring?