Why do people have sex outside of marrige?

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Unless you want to marry a child or a close relative, I have no idea what you're referring to...

Oh, sorry, Squirrelrat, I'm an idiot - you're probably talking about same sex marriage - it's legal where I live and I find it so normal I didn't cross my mind

That's what I meant, Sallamandrina, but it was my fault for not mentioning that I live in the United States in the very conservative state of Georgia. Sorry.

Heh. I was taught abstinence-until-marriage sex-ed in school, and since gay marriage is illegal here, they were basically telling all the gay kids to be horny and miserable for the rest of their lives.

I don't like marriage as it's not really about two people in love if not all people can get married.

Ouch - sorry to hear that, sex-ed classes here are about contraception, health and emotional differences between boys and girls... I hope my initial dense reaction didn't offend you.

More countries in EU are discussing the law concerning same sex marriages, I really hope it becomes a widely recognised issue.

The world is full of sin and it is very good at making things that are evil seem good.

Not at all. I thought it was kind of funny.

They also didn't teach us what condoms were- they just made it sound like, whatever they were, they had a tendency to not work. It's freaking crazy, isn't it? I later learned that the organization that taught us sex ed had actually purposefully lied about some facts in order to scare us.

in my province, health and sex education is on a sort of wholistic continuum in our school system. it starts in kindergarten/grade 1, with an emphasis on physical safety to protect from abuse, and body awareness and explanation of terms for body parts, etc. as part of general safety and well-being.

it progresses to deeper understandings of puberty etc. around grade 4, and gender roles and safe sexual choices around grade 7. all of these topics are included in general safety & well-being, and physical and emotional health topics. there is even a discussion of depression and mood disorders around grade 8.

however, homosexuality is not explicitly included in the curriculum. the program is open-ended, which allows teachers to discuss the concept, but it is not written into the curiculum. that disappoints me.

This.

Sex and love are two entirely different animals. Marriage is also a somewhat outdated practice these days. That isn't to say that it is no longer honourable. But the world has become a very greedy and selfish place where everyone is out for what they can get.

And what if sex isn't the be-all-end-all objective of relationships? I personally just don't have any great interest in pursuing sex. I wouldn't turn it down if it came along (and certain other things like the woman was of age and didn't have any STD, etc), but by the same token it just doesn't have any great priority for me. What I need is love and affection. Yes, they aren't mutually exclusive from sex, but if given a choice to either have a relationship with no sex or a relationship with no affection, I would pick the former without hesitation...

It seems to me that a lot of posters are trying to apply generalities to principles that are not meaningfully reducible.

All human beings, with the exception of those born with certain congenital conditions, are sexual beings. The physical imperative lies within a fairly clear set of limits, and is pretty much universal.

What is not universal is the psychological aspect of sexuality. If you don't understand why people have sex outside of marriage, or before marriage, then that may be driven largely by the fact that your psychology differers from theirs. Neither psychology is superior. One might conform more to some social ideal about committed monogamy, but that does not confer any superiority (from a medical or psychological perspective).

Relationships--whether sexual or familial--are complex and unique things. What works in one relationship very likely will fail in another. To expect that aspects of a relationship between people A and B to work in the relationship between people X and Y is unrealistic.

Why wouldn't they? Getting married to my last boyfriend would have destroyed my credit score, so...

I wish I felt like that. I think that's quite a sweet perspective. You can berate me if you want, but I already feel bad about this. I have a friend who is affectionate and seems to adore me, but I'm not attracted to him. Logically he is the right person, we get on very well conversationally, but physically (or hormonally or whatever) we don't click. I want to be able to combine the two. Because there's been guys I've been head over heels attracted to (lustfully) and it didn't work out, mostly those guys don't like me back or are too old (their words, not mine) so I know I can feel like that. I obviously have too many hormones whizzing round my body ruining things for me.

I also think the OPs question is quite sweet and kinda niave in a nice way. It's all those crazy hormones. They're very strong. Plus we live in a quite over-sexualized culture. Popular tv shows and films portray that sex is a goal and a human being is denying themselves of the ultimate pleasure if they abstain from it or can't get it. Which totally annoys me as one of the "can't get it" people. What right have others got to tell me that I am not a complete human being because no one wants a physical relationship with me? It's extremely unkind.

I was at a clubhouse where people from Twelve Step meetings go to play cards and talk SMACK! Of all the fellas there that night...ALL who were married had had sex outside of their marriages. Some of THOSE guys are STILL married!

IIRC, Only ONE of those guys actually felt conviction over the fact that he CHEATED ON HIS WIFE! One guy said that it's just A MAN'S NATURE...so why FIGHT it? One guy has even left the cards/domino games; gone to "HOOK UP," and then return to the game! All without so much as a conscious.

So when people tell me I'm SELFISH because I have NO USE for a relationship, I just LAUGH!

I think that people commit adultery or fornication because they don't view sex or marriage as a sacrament. They see it as a means of getting off or a means of pleasing oneself. The center attitude in all this thinking is "its all about me".


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"You are never completely worthless; you can always go down as a really bad example."