What is it about Aspie women that men can't stand?

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I've been in an aspie group IRL, met both guys and girls in their 20's with it, for most of them their traits aren't loud at all, IMO they're very difficult to pick out of a crowd. I would say though, if Louisville does have a group it would be well worth it, mainly that going for a bit and seeing what other aspies are like even further helps to sort out what it is an what it isn't.

[quote="AbbeyDoll"]Hey guys and girls, please for the love of God can you weigh in on what it is about women on the Asperger side of this spectrum that just repel men? I don't have any problems attracting most men initially, but after a few months I suppose my 'mask' starts to come off and the relationship starts to go downhill. The longest relationships I have maintained were with (I am positve of it, in retrospect) other Aspies. Please excuse me if that term offends you. I was just dx'd recently.

I do not want to even attempt to date another man until I know what it is I am doing wrong. And, would I be better off with another (as in again) man with Aspergers? Every NT date I go on, ends up a total waste of my time. And where do you meet people once you are aware of having this? Dating sites are a joke for me. Before I knew what was wrong, I used to call those kinds of people (the nt's) the 'norms.'

My ex of 7 years married a girl he knew for only 3 months-while we were supposedly working some things out. So, I am very confused and feeling like no man is ever going to want me. And how will I ever meet anyone? He and I met at an old therapists office!! !!

Okay, thanks in advance!! !! !

Abbey[/quote]



Well, for one i've never met any ladies that are Aspies? and i know the feeling, i've tried dating NT's and well they don't understand me, think i'm wierd, even though i tell what i have up front, and it's like they're too good for me...i've only kissed one girl, and she became uncertain of what she wanted after that...now she's with someone else, and i gave my first kiss to her, i hate myself for it. We met online, and those nvr work, i wonder if i'll ever find me someone to be with that also has what i have

The sentiment I quoted was one of several ANSWERS to the question, not an interpretation of the question itself, which was perfectly reasonable.
You need to go back and re-read.

In doing so, you'll also find that
the topic WASN'T about men as a whole complaining about Aspie women. It was about my perception that many ASPIE MEN make sexist commentary about WOMEN as a whole.

I think your hostility at me for my honest post on your thread is spilling over into this one. Let's nip the diversion in the bud as opposed to hijacking this thread, if you don't mind.

Last edited by Bethie on 02 Dec 2010, 1:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, but that would require socializing.

i've noticed something finally after reading a lot of frustrated posts about dating.
men and women with AS (who are single) are pretty much going through the same thing.

i really haven't seen a topic that there isn't an opposite sex equivalent of, if you really read through the posts.

things don't break down so much by gender (except as - to make a sweeping generalization that there are exceptions to - men are driven by sexual need more), more by age and by brain wiring. the guys, especially younger ones, don't think women like them much either.

on topic though i think some men would find aspie women (and probably really smart NT women) emasculating. but the solution to this isn't to play dumb, it's to look for different types of men.

i think a lot of us are just looking for needles in haystacks. having AS doesn't make anyone inherently dislikable, but more of a particular or acquired taste instead of universally datable like a lot of (really boring) people seem to be.

just don't forget that we can focus on details and overanalyze things to bits while sometimes stepping back away from the painting so you can no longer see the individual brush strokes enables you to make better sense of it.

Very, very true!

I get your drift, as I've known in my time quite a few fellow Aspies that (I'm sorry to say) really tick me off!

However I've also known quite a few fellow Aspies that don't, so I think that it's just due to the individual rather than just the AS (although it can sometimes be still a contributing factor)

As for dating, well I'm an Aspie male, and I can tell you a few things about what we (sometimes) think of Aspie girls/women,

To begin with I bet that you'll be surprised to know that one of the first girls I really fancied at school was an Aspie!

Although I was admittedly in special Ed at the time she was just, stunning in fact she'd often pass as an NT due to the fact that she always looked nice (I knew another girl that did not) and was not only into all the things that you'd expect all nine year old girls to be into but (and this was her Aspie side coming out) she was a wonderful artist, you should have seen her drawings, they were the BEST drawings that I've EVER seen come from the hand of someone of her age!! !! !! !

Needless to say she had a boyfriend who was 100% the 'typical little boy' (with just a touch of AS)

Anyway, some years later I got to know another Aspie girl, who was not only extremely silly and immature (she'd act like a dizzy blond) but who DID NOT take care of her looks.

I'm sure many of you out there will know the type....

Needless to say she got on my nerves BIG time (chances are it would have been a different story altogether if she looked drop dead sexy however) as although she ACTED like a bimbo
she did not look the part at all!! !! !

(Please note that I'm not saying that I only like bimbos, but if any girls out there act like that, please try to look the part then at least the guy's will have something nice to look at!! !!)

On the other hand I've known a few Aspie males who got on my nerves, but as that is going off topic I'll leave it at that.

The thing is, although I still think that one should still be yourself and all that, it pays (at least) to FAKE at being more like a 'girly girl' (or whatever the men you mix with think are attractive) however in order to make it more enjoyable on your part pick out a girl from a book, film, TV program or whatever and try to 'become her' I know that you may have done this kind of thing in the past but if you make it someone that you admire (be she be real or fictional) then it will be a lot less stressful.

To give an example my one of the things GF likes to watch is the SF TV program 'Doctor Who'
now as it happens I also like this program, and many of the girls I've fancied are...The Doctors (female) time travelling companions, and I've often seen that she has got a lot of her mannerisms and world view from them.

To me it would seem that she is most like Vicki (a girl that was in the show way back in 1965) who happens to be one of my faves, and so I feel as though that I've hit the jackpot on this one.

Please do not thing that I've got her to do this for me in order to be my 'prefect woman' (although we are thinking of doing a 'rule play' sometime soon) she has done this due to the fact that she worked it out for herself.

I hope that my advice is of use to any of you out there.

Goodbye Till Next Time

Amen to that. Couldn't have said it better myself. I loved your whole post, but this resonated especially.