Starygrrl's OKcupid Thread

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Here's a few guide points that I think might be useful.

* You want a title that intrigues, so she actually reads it.
* Make an observation(s) about her that will make her feel good. The thing(s) that intrigues you about her. Be genuine about it, and stay away from compliments about her physicality.
* Ask a question or two. This shows you're interested in getting to know her, and also gives her a concrete reason to keep responding to you.
* Keep the first message short. If she writes back in an encouraging way, you might then expand a bit.
* Don't seem too needy. Be cool
* Don't go on and on about yourself.
* I wouldn't actually make any overtures towards 'dating' until a few messages have been exchanged. If things seem to be going well after a few messages, then you might casually suggest meeting.
* Don't despair if you don't get what you want. Chalk it up as more data points.

Actually all this is good advice, if not spot on.

I need an example so I know how to structure this.

I used it for a little while, but the girl I'm dating right now I met at plentyoffish. I don't really have a PROBLEM with it though.

I never had any luck on OK Cupid. No one replied to my messages. Plus half those matching questions make NO sense at all.
How are birds able to land on power lines without being electrocuted?
3~ Their feet absorb the electricity.
2~ they only land between calls.
3~ they do get electrocuted.

What does that question have to do with dating It's complete nonsense.

It worked for me too

They're meant to show various aspects of your personality and personal values. There are even a few very basic math questions on there. What does that have to do with dating? Nothing, directly. But they can show, for example, that a person has the patience/interest to take a moment to do a math problem or that they're completely uninterested and would prefer to select "Don't know, don't care." It is a minor thing, but it does shine a small bit of light on personality.

The test can not tell the if I'm answer the question wrong to be funny, sarcastic or because I'm stupid/ignorant. It ask how would your ideal match answer the question & how important is it that they answer the way you want em to. You can not select more than one answer thou so if there's one answer you don't like or two answers you do; it can get extremely overly complicated & confusing. I felt like I was taking an SAT/ACT test instead of a matching thing on a dating site. I do NOT like feeling like the pressure of feeling like I'm being graded/judged.
After I went true a lot of BS questions that I answered as best I could.; almost no one I was matched with replied to my messages & I used it for about a year. OK Cupid was a complete waste of lots of time. There's literally least a few thousand questions & it took me a couple minutes to answer each one usually. That matching is NOT good for people who are slow readers who have ADHD & OCD. Plust the profiles of the people I was matched highly with did not seem like good matches for me i was getting matched with some religious women who mention in their pro that the guy had to be Catholic. I was also getting matched with wild party girls & I'm a straight-edge introvert. A trained monkey could do a better job matching than that quiz

One thing I'm starting to realize, some high 90%'s aren't really legit. I had a 95% match added a few days ago and when I looked at her profile I saw that we had absolutely nothing in common on any level. Ironically she's a diehard Christian, needs a man who puts Jesus first in his life and quotes biblical references, and then gave her 95% match to an agnostic? I'm thinking she must have answered perhaps ten questions and not answered anything else.

Nope, OKCupid will never give someone who only answered 10 questions a 90% match to anyone because they will have a high margin of error. She must have misrepresented herself in some of the questions.

That would be odd, she's quite clear in who she is and what she's looking for, easily as clear as I am in my own profile - to think she'd misrepresent herself in all of her questions that much doesn't make any sense. This could just be one exception but I've seen a few others where some pretty big factors fell through the cracks. There's another girl for instance at a 92% who likes to live in a different major city every few years, she seems cool on a lot of levels except that I've never wanted that lifestyle myself (nor the desire to look for new jobs at that rate) and when you stack up the yearnings or desires in life that someone has who wants to do that vs. someone who'd rather live in one place ideally for the rest of their lives and just vacation its pretty significant.

Is it just me or is OKCupid maddeningly slow at times? It froze up and crashed my computer today.

I agree completely about liking people who are more different than myself, and who will give me a new set of eyes to see the world. And I agree that while such a person would make me happy, there may be little we actually have to do in common.

But OKCupid is actually one of the best sites I've found from that perspective. Rather than assume a definition of "compatibility", whether that is sameness or being opposite, it completely splits one's own traits from what one is looking for in a partner. Every question you answer has one set of check boxes for your own response, and another for how your matches should answer. Then there also is something called "friends" that does measure sameness, so someone with a high friend percentage but low match percentage is someone who is similar to you in ways you'd like your matches to be different, if you just want people to get to know.

Now this doesn't mean I've had success from there. About 1 in 5 of the messages I send gets any response, and most of those who do respond, stop responding when I propose meeting in person, even for something as low-pressure as getting coffee or going for a walk. One I did meet up with, but she kind of dropped the ball after two dates, which didn't upset me too much as I didn't find her that attractive. If she would have been up for FWB I would have taken it, but we lost touch before I could even suggest that. There's one I'm still probably going to meet up with, and she's quite attractive, but she has already warned me that she "may not buy into" my ideas about liberated sexuality, for whatever that's worth, even though she seems really interested.