Am I decent looking?
It has nothing to do with your job. You look like my brother who works part time for a gardening company and makes $10 an hour and he has a girlfriend.
So one must conclude that your troubles with procuring a mate are entirely internal. Which is generally the case with most people with AS and social type things.
I've concluded that many on this forum like to fixate on external aspects as reasons for not being able to obtain a mate because external aspects are easier to change. It's far more difficult to change inherent internal aspects of one's self, such as personality and thought process, and so such a concept is far more difficult for individuals to face.
I faced that aspect of myself long ago. I'm inherently "flawed" in the eyes of NT's. I have a different neurological wiring and I am apparently missing something. I don't "get" an integral part of socialization.
I can't really change that but there are steps one can take to improve one's life socially.
1. Realize, YOU are the odd one out.
2. Don't harbor negative feelings towards others for your social short comings. Most people are socially programed how they are for an evolutionary reason. You should not be bitter towards people for not accepting you, and you should not resent people who are more popular than you. Take a humble and diplomatic approach instead.
3. Realize most people are only your enemy if you make them such.
4. Always consider that you may very well be wrong in any situation.
5. Realize you have more potential friends than you think you do.
6. Realize that NT's can be socially insecure as well, and social anxiety is very common among them.
7. Realize you can do everything "right", and still not get what you want socially, because different people have different social needs.
8. Confidence is attractive, arrogance and bitterness is not.
I'm sure I can think of more later.
So one must conclude that your troubles with procuring a mate are entirely internal. Which is generally the case with most people with AS and social type things.
I've concluded that many on this forum like to fixate on external aspects as reasons for not being able to obtain a mate because external aspects are easier to change. It's far more difficult to change inherent internal aspects of one's self, such as personality and thought process, and so such a concept is far more difficult for individuals to face.
I faced that aspect of myself long ago. I'm inherently "flawed" in the eyes of NT's. I have a different neurological wiring and I am apparently missing something. I don't "get" an integral part of socialization.
I can't really change that but there are steps one can take to improve one's life socially.
1. Realize, YOU are the odd one out.
2. Don't harbor negative feelings towards others for your social short comings. Most people are socially programed how they are for an evolutionary reason. You should not be bitter towards people for not accepting you, and you should not resent people who are more popular than you. Take a humble and diplomatic approach instead.
3. Realize most people are only your enemy if you make them such.
4. Always consider that you may very well be wrong in any situation.
5. Realize you have more potential friends than you think you do.
6. Realize that NT's can be socially insecure as well, and social anxiety is very common among them.
7. Realize you can do everything "right", and still not get what you want socially, because different people have different social needs.
8. Confidence is attractive, arrogance and bitterness is not.
I'm sure I can think of more later.
Thanks for the advice. Honestly though, I think some of the women im trying to date are out of my range. I mean LOOK at the one I just posted. We all kind of have our own little personal set bell curve...
Why would a good looking 30 something year old date some mediocre looking 23 year old still in college while everyone else graduated?
I think that has to do a LITTLE something with it??? Does it mean that's 100% of it? No....
Furthermore, I have always preferred older women for some reason. Like they have that sort of emotional safe blanket they can provide me with.
If you keep occupying yourself with the misconception that all women care about is if you have a degree or a good job ESPECIALLY at your age, you are closing yourself off to a lot of good dating opportunities.
Why would a good looking 30 something year old date some mediocre looking 23 year old still in college while everyone else graduated?
I think that has to do a LITTLE something with it??? Does it mean that's 100% of it? No....
No it doesn't and Laz is right, you are very negative.
Look I'll try to be patient and give you the benefit of a doubt. Your obsession with looks, money and status is not helping you.
A woman as you described will want someone with a similar maturity level and goals - someone she can relate to. Maybe she wants a family, I don't know, but many people do. Either way, she'll want someone as grown up and self aware as she is.
You are still very young and your attitude here is often immature and negative and you seem to have no idea what either you or other people want. You also dismiss what everybody else is telling you, despite asking for advice and keep blaming others for your own problems.
Give yourself some time to grow up and learn a few things about people and life. Wait to develop a little and gain some substance - think of the things you have to offer besides money and muscles. Consider casual dating with people closer to your own age and maturity level. It's good practise.
Edit - excellent advice from Chronos, think about it.
_________________
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live" (Oscar Wilde)
Why would a good looking 30 something year old date some mediocre looking 23 year old still in college while everyone else graduated?
I think that has to do a LITTLE something with it??? Does it mean that's 100% of it? No....
Furthermore, I have always preferred older women for some reason. Like they have that sort of emotional safe blanket they can provide me with.
If you keep occupying yourself with the misconception that all women care about is if you have a degree or a good job ESPECIALLY at your age, you are closing yourself off to a lot of good dating opportunities.
I think like you said in another thread about a guy complaining about being short...facial features and personality. However, I am so darn plain looking. The only way for me to look attractive is to body build...........that ...........is.........it
Wish there was a way to get a good job without a degree? I guess in your field there is. I took sociology and there was a guy with a good job who worked in IT. How come he gets a good job without college while I have to go get a degree? I guess people find ways out of it.
Last edited by ApsieGuy on 05 Jan 2011, 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
Why would a good looking 30 something year old date some mediocre looking 23 year old still in college while everyone else graduated?
I think that has to do a LITTLE something with it??? Does it mean that's 100% of it? No....
No it doesn't and Laz is right, you are very negative.
Look I'll try to be patient and give you the benefit of a doubt. Your obsession with looks, money and status is not helping you.
A woman as you described will want someone with a similar maturity level and goals - someone she can relate to. Maybe she wants a family, I don't know, but many people do. Either way, she'll want someone as grown up and self aware as she is.
You are still very young and your attitude here is often immature and negative and you seem to have no idea what either you or other people want. You also dismiss what everybody else is telling you, despite asking for advice and keep blaming others for your own problems.
Give yourself some time to grow up and learn a few things about people and life. Wait to develop a little and gain some substance - think of the things you have to offer besides money and muscles. Consider casual dating with people closer to your own age and maturity level. It's good practise.
Edit - excellent advice from Chronos, think about it.
Well, when im not being some insecure douche.....I am actually a good person to be around who is good with kids.
Edit- I am a little shocked that Chronos can tell my income just from looking at my clothing. I make 12.00 an hour.
Good, try to focus on your positive traits and develop them, it will make you feel better about yourself and that's important. Insecurity and bitterness are not attractive, no matter how good you look. They also make you feel miserable and that's even worse.
It's great to keep in shape, but do it for your own well being and health, not for others. Same with your degree - get one because it will help you being independent and self sufficient and that will make your life easier. The more you focus on feeling better and happier with yourself, the more attractive you will become for others.
_________________
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live" (Oscar Wilde)
Why would a good looking 30 something year old date some mediocre looking 23 year old still in college while everyone else graduated?
I think that has to do a LITTLE something with it??? Does it mean that's 100% of it? No....
No it doesn't and Laz is right, you are very negative.
Look I'll try to be patient and give you the benefit of a doubt. Your obsession with looks, money and status is not helping you.
A woman as you described will want someone with a similar maturity level and goals - someone she can relate to. Maybe she wants a family, I don't know, but many people do. Either way, she'll want someone as grown up and self aware as she is.
You are still very young and your attitude here is often immature and negative and you seem to have no idea what either you or other people want. You also dismiss what everybody else is telling you, despite asking for advice and keep blaming others for your own problems.
Give yourself some time to grow up and learn a few things about people and life. Wait to develop a little and gain some substance - think of the things you have to offer besides money and muscles. Consider casual dating with people closer to your own age and maturity level. It's good practise.
Edit - excellent advice from Chronos, think about it.
Well, when im not being some insecure douche.....I am actually a good person to be around who is good with kids.
Edit- I am a little shocked that Chronos can tell my income just from looking at my clothing. I make 12.00 an hour.
I don't recall trying to guess your income....however I do know medical assistant make between $10 and $20 an hour now that you mention it.
People who wear scrubs make anything from $10/hr to $70,000/year--anyone who tries to guess how much you make based on the clothes you wear is just stupid. The thing is, Chronos didn't even say anything about YOUR income--it's all your own insecurities talking.
Maybe she turned you down because of your immaturity, how interesting you are and the age gap. What would you talk about to a professional looking woman in her 30s? All you seem to talk about here is moaning about how hard done by you are, and making childish threads provoking fights. (I'm not saying im mature or not a whiner, but I am not constantly trying to get dates with people who want mature people)
Why do you assume its because of how much you earn Who tells someone that on a date anyway? She's not a "6/10" either. She is at least an 8. In other words, you're going for older mature knockouts instead of girls your own age, and you wonder why you can't get a date?
I'm going to take a wild guess and say the stuff you're worrying about is nothing to do with why you get turned down.
No matter how much money or intellect you have, you can't buy wisdom of age and you can't buy maturity.
Taking another wild guess, I would say you would have more luck looking for an 18-20 year old with a similar maturity level.
Dude...seriously. Stop thinking so much about how you look or how a woman looks or what she does for a living or how cool you'll look if you go out with her on your arm.. Not helpful.. Instead, open your mind to women outside what you envision to be your type and try to find one who makes your heart skip and sends your brain into total shutdown when she takes your hand..
Maybe she's a doctor.. Maybe she's a factory worker. Maybe she works at K-Mart. Maybe she's an upper 5, or a 7, or a 9...or a 4. Maybe she's thin, or maybe she's curvy. She could be blonde, or brunette, or a redhead.. She may have green eyes, or brown, or blue.. She's out there, and trying to find her should be fun -- not stressful. And when you find her, regardless of all that other BS, you'll think she's the greatest thing EVER.
Step one is to start viewing every woman you see as "maybe her," then just go from there.
They haven't been in my presence when my flatulance lets its existance be known
You don't think you can dissuade us so easy with a few farts, do you? You're far to charming for that

_________________
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live" (Oscar Wilde)
Maybe she's a doctor.. Maybe she's a factory worker. Maybe she works at K-Mart. Maybe she's an upper 5, or a 7, or a 9...or a 4. Maybe she's thin, or maybe she's curvy. She could be blonde, or brunette, or a redhead.. She may have green eyes, or brown, or blue.. She's out there, and trying to find her should be fun -- not stressful. And when you find her, regardless of all that other BS, you'll think she's the greatest thing EVER.
Step one is to start viewing every woman you see as "maybe her," then just go from there.
I guess you are absolutely right.
Maybe if I wasn't such an insecure douche trying to rely on external crap to overcome aspergers....