Take on why males have more trouble.. in general

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It was a blatent, turn your head 90 degrees perve.
I think it's pretty rude to do it right in front of someone you're supposed to be dating. I don't think being a "man" is an excuse. Also and I don't recall saying that I broke up with said person because of it.

Even though I wasn't present at this particular instance, I'd like to reiterate how important this is. I think too many girls get unnerved by this considering that it's something that natural selection made damn sure we have. I have ADD, so it's even worse for me. If I see a girl I think is pretty, I can't help it.

I see -- that changes things dramatically then, sorry, I misread. It is acceptable, even given my argument, to chew him out for that -- he should be more subtle.

It wouldn't be ok to dump him for that unless it was like the final straw or something -- thanks for the clarification.

Now I Know I am wired backwards.

When I am paired with someone, it is
that I am locked onto them, I have
no intrist in anyone else, and she
thinks there is something weird
about me because of this.

Sue-er my X girlfrend th*t I was
strange because she seem to
think I never lookt at other women,
why should I? I am not intristed
in them, I was intristed in Sue
at the time. In fact, I was surprised
the first time I was asked "Don't you
ever look at other girls even Once In A While?"
I asked "Why should I when I have
you?"

However I am influence able, whatever
she does, I keep thinking its ok for me
to do it as well, this is how I have
adapted and kept out of trubble,
or in the case of Sue-er, gotten into
it a time or two, maybe that is part of it? She did not
look at anyone else so maybe I followed
suit? I think I get influenced easy by
those I am close to. Sometimes she would
ask "Don't you ever do anything that I don't do?"
I said "Yes I watch Sesame Street and Teletubbies
and you don't."

In the end tho, it is not just one gender,
it is humans in general who confuse me,
I often don't get them, at least in the
Bob and Carole Normal world.

Little Tigger, you might not be as strange as you think -- some people just don't go scanning the environment all the time like I do, and some people just have different needs and libidos.

Also, I have the feeling women do their share of leering too, but they are much better about covering it up or doing it subtley. I've read in some sources that women are much more apt to use their peripheral vision to check someone out, vs. men, who are more obvious and direct.

That's probably why I get so annoyed at men doing it, because I pretty much never ever perve at men because I can't be bothered and have other things to worry about. I do perve at women though, to compare myself to them and check out the diversity of different female body types.

I do look if I'm single and already infatuated with a person though.. I don't think it counts as its not just some random stranger.

I can relate to this so well

Get fixated on studying people (not stalking obviously) and then you eventually become bored of them. And realise that it's better to be on your own and have things your way than sacrifice your own happiness for other people. I find that way it's a lot easier to get fixated on special interests when you don't care whether you do end up having friends or not. I suppose it comes to a point of 'giving up' and realising that there are 6.8 billion people in the world (and how big a number it is), and nobody out of that lot are particularly special, so why threat so much over one person, or a few people of that 6.8 billion? If you find it so hard to find your own happiness from other people then you've got to be a bit creative and find out how to make yourself happy on your own. It doesn't necessarily mean getting out the house and having a 'life'. It can be interests like cooking or crafts or gardening if that's what makes you happiest. If you find you can spend hours at a time doing that hobby and time just flies by, then you've got another way of making yourself happy without other people.

Of course it would be okay to dump him for that, @billsmithglendale. They weren't married; they didn't have children; they were dating. Dating is supposed to be the process of learning about each other...to figure out if you're compatible enough to have a future together. Either party can opt out - and should opt out - of a dating relationship if they encounter a deal-breaker. This clearly wasn't @hale_bopp's deal-breaker, but it would have been okay if it were.

Sorry -- let me rephrase. It wouldn't be ok for a normal woman who wants to have a long-term relationship with a normal man with typical male characteristics to dump him for that.

She can do whatever she wants that is a legal act. If she wants to do things that are compatible with staying in a relationship with men who aren't gay (though they would be leering, just at men instead), low-libido, or possibly mentally incapacitated, she might need to put up with a leer or two.

So yeah -- if a man doing a masculine thing really bothers her enough to flush a relationship down the toilet, I think it's probably doing both of them a favor to break it off. Men certainly do need to optimize their time as well, and that kind of uncertainty is a lot to put up with -- one look and you're gone? Who needs that sword hanging over their head?

EDIT

Btw, this is a little bit of a touchy topic for me -- My very first GF was a bit of a flirt, and really liked to play head games with me, constantly trying to make it look like I was lucky to have her, and that all kinds of guys were interested. She would constantly go "Ooh, look at him..." or say other things to make me feel small, or to mess with my head. So imagine my surprise when I did the same thing to her, leering at two women at a pool we were at, to show her exactly what she was doing to me -- and this was just light teasing. She instead goes ballistic, and I, only a few weeks into my very first relationship, and with a really fragile self-esteem (she had already had multiple relationships and been around the block), found myself almost dumped (she took me back after a week of making me s**t bricks and wallow in depression and failure).

Many months later, when I got tired of her, and dumped her, what particular events do you think she kept going over in her mind about how she mistreated me? Bingo, crap like the above, where what is good for the goose apparently isn't allowed by the gander (who wanted to gander). It was a pretty crummy thing to pull on anyone, but I put up with it -- I shouldn't have. Anyone who dumps someone for something so small is clearly not mentally balanced enough for me -- other's mileage may vary though

I've found, out of all the aspergirls I've met, they can mostly be lumped into two general categories - either the ones you describe nthach (the quiet blending in type), or the ones you describe zen mistress (the sticking out like a sore thumb/loud overly verbal ones). I, fortunately or unfortunately, am of the latter.

Personally, I'd quite like to ride a giant duck. I don't know anything about cars.

You know, you have a tendency to externalize your behavior, @billsmithglendale. I'm around men all day, pretty much every single day - and I don't see them leer at women. These are men who I'm completely comfortable with, who are comfortable with me - so no one's putting on a facade. It just doesn't happen. So you may choose to leer at women, but that's not because your "masculine" - it's just the way you choose to behave.

I also find it curious that you suffered so greatly at the hands of your ex (a woman who sounds like she had her own share of problems), because she blatantly paid attention to other men when she was with you....yet somehow you believe it's behavior that's okay for you to engage in. Don't you think your wife might feel insulted or denigrated when you leer at women? I just don't get it - you know it bothered you when your ex did it - it made you feel jealous and insecure and uncomfortable, etc., - but your wife had better learn to live with it when you do it, cause you're just a guy? I don't get it.

So woman being more complicated then men would legitimately and correctly state that they are to blame for all relationship breakups and other dysfunctions. After all, men don't have monthly mood swings, women do.

that has got to be one of the most sexist things I've ever read here

Congratulations for me then.

yeah take pride in that, but don't be surprised when you get rejected by the opposite sex
people generally don't like spiteful individuals