why is it we as Aspies have such a hard time getting dates?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm bad at the transitional period. You know--the one between flirting and actually dating? That's the hard part for me. I never know when or how to ask for a girls numbers, where to take her, etc. Are you supposed to directly ask for a girls number? I don't know how to wait for an appropriate time to transition into it and I can never think of how to do it on the spot. And I don't want to randomly ask because I feel like it would be awkward, look desperate, or put too much pressure on the girl, making her feel uncomfortable.

The scope of things in which I am interested is very narrow, and people rarely are in this range, and if they are they are invariably only there for a brief time, so people in general, including women, sometimes try and do anything to get my attention, including acting deliberately annoying. Sometimes it works, but ultimately it always backfires and I no longer pay any attention to them.

People in general seem to simply want attention, and some people are simply more willing to do particular things to get it than others.

In my experience, men in general become bored fairly easily and so women feel compelled to continually do things to try and maintain a particular person's attention. The genitalia add a certain compulsive element, but at some point most people get bored of the particular form of pleasure generated by the genitalia. It seems to me that at this point the opposite gender has nothing in particular to offer.. What makes women so special that I would want to spend my life with them instead of with men, who I don't find so fascinating as to want to live in the same room(s) with them for the truly personal/self-expressional sections of my life? The only answer is the genitalia, and once the bodily sensations generated therein are no longer interesting, then women can hold no interest.

Intellectual stimulation is nice but personally I've given up on this planet in that regard, at least in this place and time. People can make some interesting things after working on them privately for a while and then presenting them publicly, but even then society by and large rejects anything truly interesting and a person is lucky to ever find these things before they disappear due to disinterest and/or disheartenment. The internet and other democratic-style mediums make it easier to find such things, which is nice. In another thousand years perhaps this place will be more enjoyably closer to infinity. As it is now I don't see why anyone sticks around for long, except out of a sense of fear, fear of death, fear of god zapping you, fear of people laughing at you for not following 'society', which is mostly women laughing at people to try and get them to have sex with them, and insecure men laughing along with them because they secretly wish they were women.

In short: Earth, nice place to visit for a few years, wouldn't want to live here

An interesting point of view. I don't mean to be rude but have you considered that you may have very low testosterone levels or may even be asexual? Most people don't get bored of sex because other than it being a pleasurable experience it is one of the prime biological motivators like hunger and self preservation.



I am the opposite; as a man I feel as if I have almost nothing in common with most men, rarely enjoy their company and would invariably rather spend time with women instead. It is odd to feel this alienation from ones own sex but in general I find other mind boorish, immature, predictable and selfish and the constant battle for status and one-upmanship tedious.

(Thread moved from Autism discussion to L&D)

Y'all can speak for yourselves. I've got full Aspie game when I go out. Girls love aloof men who don't sneak in and hit on them right away (presuming you also don't sit there staring like a kid waiting to open a Christmas present).

Ya gotta learn the signals. They're not hard and have been hashed over too many times on too many websites to bear repeating here. And frankly, like driving, you just obey the signals. A green light is a green light, and you go for it when you have one.

Aspies want to date? Ah, I'm so new to the Aspie community. Thought not wanting to date was just part of the autism, haha.

Yes many of us do. Welcome to the community

Is that your girlfriend Boo?

because our social-skills aren't the same or normal as NT's are

Because normal people want someone like them, not someone who is a bit off. They don't know the thing that makes us a bit off is called autism, they just know "that person is strange and makes me a bit uncomfortable". Even if you're normal enough to find a date the communication issue can whack you in the back of the head. NTs and auties don't communicate the same way and I've been told directly by guys that what they don't like about me is how I can't communicate.

Also, with the commuincation thing. I tend to think things, but not say them. So if I like a guy's hair, I won't tell him. If he does something well, I don't praise him, I just think, "that was really clever, I liked that. He did well." I get awkward if asked about him. I remember being asked about this guy I liked in front of him whether he did something well, but the question was asked oddly, I asked for clarification, which must have made him feel really awkward if he had understood the quesion and then becuase I felt awkward about being asked I made a joke to avoid answering. That was ages ago, but I still feel bad. I bet he thinks I think nothing of him andI don't appreciate him.

Also, some of us come over a bit pedantic which makes us seem like perfectionists which can make other people feel like we think they are inferior. Who wants to be with someone who makes them feel inferio? I've had that problem too. Ironically, I'm actually incredbly scatter brained and not at all a perfectionist, but I have a calm exterior. People always assume that I'm very tidy and are shocked when they find out I'm just a regular non tidy person.

Also, those of us who were bullied are very cautious about what we say and maybe hold back too much. Meaning people can't get to know us. there is an invisible wall.

People want to have fun. They don't want more work, the hard bits of relationships are already hard enough without adding non verbal communication issues and executive functioning issues. They can just move on and find someone who is less work.

That is the cold hard truth and we shouldn't just pretend that it's not.

Some are actually very happy on their own and don't see the need for a romantic relationship. The aspie community is made up of all sorts.

Two words: SEXUAL invisibility

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=326080