Meaning of "nice guys finish last"?

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This discussion again. You folks are stuck in a very immature mentality if you think this is the case in adulthood with women.
Real adult relationships are not about "nice guys TM" or jerks. Most women can see right through either stereotype in her twenties. Guys who are more mature tend to get this as well.

Usually a guy who uses this whole "nice guy"/jerk thing is kind of doomed from the start. Relationships and dating are much more complicated these days. The jerks don't get far beyond a one night stand in most cases. Nice guys come off as immature men who think they are entitled to a relationship, but frequently harbor misogynistic attitudes, frankly not a nice guy. Most women can see right through both acts, hell I can see right through both acts and I am terrible at reading people. If you are even thinking about things in a nice guy/jerk mentality, you probably lack maturity in general. You need to realize relationships are dynamic and lack such black and white realities. Women are not drawn to either dynamic.

As somebody stated most good guys, who tend to mature early, end up in loving lifelong relationships with their partners early on. Notice I said good guys, not nice guys, because they often don't do the pity game, they respect women as human beings and realize partnership is earned, not entitled, and that love is complicated and know how to communicate to work it out. But they are also very good at understanding and relating to thier partner, listening to them, discussing things, fulfilling social needs, etc. I have known dozens of these guys throughout my life. They are not perfect, nobody is, but they KNOW this, because they are often also humble as well, and they make good partners overall.

On the Nice Guy thing
http://moderateleft.com/?p=3763
http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Nice_guy_syndrome
That is all you need to know. Hopefully you will move on from this immature mentality and become an adult.

Yes it has truth in the real world. When I said I was a nice guy all those years ago I wasn't f*****g kidding. I made it though high school, got treated like s**t by the women I lived with (even my little brother who HATES me stood up to one of my exes he was so pissed at how bad she was treating me).

I've gone a different direction now and that direction is not giving a damn about relationships or the people in them. I've almost ended my current relationship with the girl I've been with on and off twice plus this week because of her stupid behavior? Why? It is because I am self-serving and it doesn't matter to me that I'm the first guy she's ever been with that her dad liked, I don't care that she thinks I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her, I don't care that I'm only person she can trust, and I don't care about anything except making myself happy.

If someone can find happiness while bing a nice guy more power to you but I'm a firm believer that "life screws everyone" and by that I mean it will "ruin" you.

Funny, I thought about this the other day. Just to give some context, I'm a girl NLDer, and I have had a few relationships. Anyway...

I used to think that all I wanted was a guy who was nice to me, who told me I was beautiful every day, and simply loved me without question. I saw all these kids around me dating, and I thought, "well why am I boyfriend-less? I'm nice, I am friendly-- why in the world wouldn't they want to date me?"

I figured it out a few days ago. "Nice guys finish last" when they make that the only thing about them. Okay, you are a sweet person. What else is there to know about you? Bring something to the table. I don't mind if you are a nice guy, in fact, that would be an added bonus, but what else is there to know about you? Can we have a conversation that isn't about how pretty I am? How about a nice, detailed philosophical conversation? As guilty of this as I was, many people I know just want a "make-out buddy," or a "sex buddy," and many people go pursuing a mate thinking they are going to be cuddle buddies who are always happy to spend time together.

You need cement. You need a foundational basis for being together. Kissing will get tiring after a while, and the "how was your day" conversations will too. Talk about what makes you, you. What are some of those quirky interests you have? What is your life story? If the answer is, "I held the door for every girl I ever met, and said 'please' and 'thank you'," you're going to finish last. Those are great qualities, but they do not entitle you to a relationship. If you want a relationship based on common goals and interests, you will definitely be further ahead than "last."

I hope that was insightful and not overly offensive.

I wondered the same thing until I started digging through the "Nice guys finish last" sticky thread at the top of the page. Apparently "Nice" in this context does not mean "Nice" in the dictionary sense of kind and caring, thoughtful and well-balanced. Unfortunately there are no clues that a different interpretation of the word "Nice" is intended to be picked up, so there are lots of people who choose one intepretation and lots who choose another, which leads to confusion. There would be fewer misunderstandings if people said "Pushovers finish last" or "Weak-willed people finish last" instead, which is what they (apparently) really mean.

Last edited by CrinklyCrustacean on 24 Jan 2011, 5:12 am, edited 2 times in total.

Ladies and gentlemen, for those unaware:

Gneiss is a rock.

Gneiss one!

I wish my cat would buy me presents. I think I will buy him a present.

that's a myth that unfortunately caught on. Women want nice guys.

Except they want guys that are actually nice, not dickheads like me...

I think one of the rezones some nice guys have problems is because some do not have masculine personalities. In my case women think of me more like one of their girl friends instead of seeing me as boyfriend material. Women sometimes get the wrong impression about me & think I'm gay & in the closet or the women just aren't attracted to that in a partner.