Why do they marry them?

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Your question assumes that this was such a black and white decision for many people. Who we love, why we love them and why we stay are not always very easy questions to answer.

It is not the question itself that angers me, it is the way that it was asked as well as some of the responses were given. There were some answers that were accurate, in particular what Moog posted was very good.

The way the question was worded “Why do they marry them?” So you are obviously not asking us this question, but asking others (presumably those with AS) to speculate on why we do what we do.

If you are “a bit perplexed by the number of women who come on here proclaiming they think their husbands might have AS, citing some type of emotional disconnect they seem to have with their husbands, and list a long number of traits their husbands have which they seem to have a problem with.”

Then why don’t you ask those women why they do what they do instead of asking others to speculate on their behavior? I have seen very negative posts written by people here about NTs, yet it appears that if some confused NT posts questions about her husband or partner that they should have just known better and not have either married them or continued to stay with them. I have seen very few really negative posts on WP from NTs regarding their relationships. Nothing like what I have seen in the Delphi forums. What I typically see are people who are just asking questions in what appears to be an inquisitive but positive way or people who are in a great deal of pain, but do not seem to be overly critical or blaming of their aspie partner.

I didn't realize that I would have to specifically state, "I'm a member of this forum, if you read any of my posts or comments please feel free to ask me questions if you would like." Very rarely has anyone even asked me questions when I do post something or comment on another post. Very few people actually even reply to my posts.

I have been on this forum for over a year, so I guess I'm not so easily angered. However, I do notice that mostly what is discussed in the forums that I read which are usually the Haven, Love and Dating, Social Skills and Making Friends and Members Only Discussion has to do with interacting with NTS.

I see a lot of discussions about relationships and people who wish to be in one. However it never fails that when someone is asking a question about being in a relationship..Someone else feels the need to comment that they don’t want to be in a relationship, that they are just fine on their own.

When someone asks a question about making friends..Someone else feels the need to comment that they don’t need friends.

When NTs ask questions about their relationships..Someone usually comments that the relationship probably won’t work and even suggests that the person seek psychological help to determine why they would love the person in the first place.

My point is that there is a lot of negativity here, and people seem to show great disdain when someone is trying to cope with a problem and often at least one person feels it necessary to share why they would never have such a problem.

You didn’t even just ask the question “Why do they marry them?” You also felt the need to explain why you would never do such a thing.

There are many problems that people here have that I would never have and have never had. Yet I don’t feel the need to ask a question about why someone does something and then go into detail about why I would never have that problem , because obviously I would use common sense to avoid it.

That is something that seems to happen in the world enough when people are talking about behavior that they don’t understand, yet it doesn’t seem to actually help anyone. It was my hope that this forum was different and more solution oriented. It is not this one post and some of the subsequent responses that has made me feel this way, but many things that I have read over the past six months.

Reality is, go to any forum dedicated where people get together to help each other and you will find the same negativity from many.

Over the years I've read a lot of very interesting and helpful posts by people here so its not a complete loss. I even consider the negative posts quite informative because many a time they explain how they came to that conclusion and their thought process and realize I do the same damn thing and did not think it was an issue..until I read it.

Its all really about what you need from these forums and how you get it. Quite frankly you, an NT, being here and reading all of this would be similar to me going to a drug addict or alcoholic anonymous or family abuse forum and trying to understand just what it is like to go through all of it.. i'd be at a loss to understand their view since I've not experienced any of it.

@ntgrl, I always got your back.

One thing I see here is that come here is they are here for help keeping the relationship going. Why they marry them in the first place? Possibly because many of these issues don't get in the way early in there relationships, or are overlooked. For those coming here for real help, I give them credit for having courage.

I do know that sometimes the advice on the forums at WP turn rather negative. I think the person giving the advice truly believe they are being helpful. The thing is, saying "this is what I would do if I was in your situation" is not always the advice a poster needs. Posters have different goals and needs. Advice should be practical.

The original question was legitimate. However, there is not one and only one answer. Every person who enters a relationship has their own reason for choosing who they do.

If you infer that from my post then you're mistaken. I appreciate NT's being here... its an excellent source of information and solutions...especially to socializing and relationship issues.

This a part of post posted on AS partners (wow ,didn't know about this site)

*Drama*[...]